Saving Myself
by jellybeanpink84
Summary: Bella's abused by Charlie, but what happens when Edward and the Cullens get involved? There will be abuse, rape, torture, and other adult themes in this story. Rated M for those reasons. Edward x Bella. NOW COMPLETE!
1. New Home, New Rules

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – abuse, graphic descriptions, possible smut later on.**

Charlie.

There isn't much that I want to say about him. He is the kind of person who doesn't deserve a description, doesn't deserve the time of day to even think about. Unfortunately that's no longer an option for me.

Two weeks ago – January 1st – I lost both my mother and my step-father. My step-father played minor league baseball and on the way home from Florida where he had been meeting to discuss the possibility of being signed, their plane went down. Both my mother and step-father were killed instantly, crushing my heart and leaving me alone.

Now two weeks later I was on my way to a small town in Washington that almost never saw sun, living in a constant cover of rain, I was going to live with Charlie. I was six months old when my mother left Charlie in Forks and moved south to Arizona. She tried to keep contact but Charlie turned bitter, never calling, never sending birthday cards, never caring. Now I was being forced to live with him at seventeen years old.

The plane landed all too soon and I saw the uniform before the man, glancing only quickly up at his face before following him out to the conspicuous police cruiser that was waiting. We didn't really say anything the entire way to Charlie's house and I could tell from the look on his face that he wasn't exactly too happy to see me. I asked a few questions, learning that Charlie was the chief of police, he had given me the spare bedroom in his house, and I started school at Forks High the following Monday.

When we pulled up to the small white house that was surrounded in lush greenery I grabbed my few bags from the trunk and followed him into the house. He passed me a key-chain with a single bronze key on it and walked up the stairs, showing me the bathroom and the guest – now my – bedroom.

It was a barren room, a full sized bed in the middle with a small nightstand, a small dresser and a small work desk with a lamp on it. The bedding was a basic beige color and the curtains matched but seemed old and faded from where the sun had hit them. Charlie left me alone in the room and marched back downstairs, the television flicking on, and I could feel the loneliness beginning to creep up on me.

My bags were now all scattered on the floor just inside the door and I was beginning to feel the weight of everything and collapsed onto the bed, burying my face in my hands and letting the tears fall freely. When I had cried everything I had out I stood up and slowly began unpacking my things, putting my clothes away in the drawers and closets, my school bag and supplies hung on the back of the desk chair, and my laptop on the top of the desk. I booted it up and began searching for a wireless connection. Thankfully one of the neighbors had an open connection and I logged into my email to see a message waiting from my one and only friend in Phoenix.

_January 15, 2005_

_Bella,_

_Let me know when you get to your new home, Spoons? Knives? Oh yeah, Forks. Miss you!_

_Brinley_

I shot her back a quick message letting her know that I had made it in safely and then made my way downstairs and into the small kitchen. As I walked passed the living room I noted that Charlie was tuned into some sports game on his flat-screen so I decided that I would start something for dinner for us.

Soon the smell of oranges was flooding the small house as my Orange Chicken baked in the oven. I started some rice and began to steam some veggies to go with it and pulled some plates out of the cupboard to serve us on.

"Charlie?" I asked standing in the doorway a while later noting that Charlie's attention was completely focused on the game in front of him.

"Hm?" he answered, not breaking his gaze.

"I made some supper, it's on the table in the kitchen whenever you're ready." I tried not to sound nervous as I waited for him to answer or move or anything.

"Isabella. Let's get a couple of things straight here." Charlie turned to face me finally but the face I saw didn't make me feel any less nervous. Instead my fear spiked and I suddenly felt as though I should run.

"You are a guest in my house Isabella and I am your father. You will address me with respect, either by calling me Father or Sir. I also expect that you will not interrupt me when I am watching my sports. You can continue to do the cooking and if I am watching sports then you can serve me in here." he paused and I waited for him to continue.

"As I am the chief of police I expect you to behave properly. You will not get into any trouble or even draw attention to yourself. When you are at home you are to keep the house tidy, including your bedroom. You will keep quiet and stay out of the way. You do not question my decisions and you will show me respect." he spoke quietly and somehow it was more menacing then if he had yelled.

"Do you understand Isabella?" he asked looking at me pointedly.

"Yes sir." I answered lowering my head, not wanting to cause any problems.

"I will bring your dinner in now." I almost whispered, turning quickly to bring him his food and setting it down on a tray beside his recliner.

Charlie also informed me that he usually had a beer with dinner but to always bring two in so that he wouldn't have to get up to get his second one. I ate by myself in the kitchen, cleaning up after we had finished and made my way up to my bedroom where I grabbed my pajamas and hygiene bag and took a quick shower before climbing into bed and crying myself to sleep.


	2. A New Way of Life

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – Abuse, Rape, Smut Later On.**

The next day was Sunday and when I woke up I was surprised to wake up and find that Charlie wasn't in the house. I threw on the first pair of jeans and long sleeved shirt I could find and made my way downstairs, trying to keep my composure, trying to keep the tears away.

Pouring myself some cereal I sat down at the small table and saw the note scribbled out in red marker.

**Isabella,**

**I go fishing every Sunday morning with Billy Black. Make sure the house is clean and supper is ready by 6pm. **

I threw the note back down on the table and couldn't help but wonder who he thought he was to order me around this way. I was not some slave that was donated to him, meant to feed and clean and live in silence. I sat there for nearly an hour, suddenly understanding why my mother had left him and never really wanted me around him. Charlie was a good-for-nothing pig. I couldn't help but be thankful that I only had a year and a couple of months until I graduated high school and would be going on my own way, maybe sooner if I could get a job and pay my own way when I turned 18 in September.

I spent the rest of the day doing a few small things, throwing a stew together in the slow-cooker and then loosing myself in a book for the rest of the day. When it began to get dark I panicked, not realizing what time it was and jumping when I realized that it was nearly six already. I threw my book down on the sofa and ran to the kitchen, pulling some bowls down and digging through the drawer for a ladle.

I was just beginning to ladle the hot stew into Charlie's bowl when I heard the door open and his boots stomp into the kitchen behind me.

"Isabella!" he cried out loudly and I jumped, not expecting the harshness of his voice and in my startled state dropped the bowl that I had been holding, breaking the dish and spilling the hot dinner all over my legs and the floor.

"What in the hell was that?" he growled out to me as I grabbed a cloth and ran it under cool water, putting it immediately on the burned spot on my right calf.

"Isabella! Get this pig-sty cleaned up now!" he yelled at me and I jumped again, realizing just how close he had gotten and smelling the alcohol on his breath.

"I'm sorry sir, I burnt my leg. I'll get the mess cleaned up in a minute." I answered him as I tried to take care of the blister that was already forming.

"What did you say?" I didn't have time to answer before I felt my head being yanked back by my ponytail and my body thrown against the wall.

I didn't have a chance to recover before Charlie was standing over me and his fist was connecting with my stomach.

"When I tell you to do something, you do it right away." his voice was eerily low again and I couldn't control the tears that were again spilling down my face.

"I will not tolerate this kind of behavior in my house." He gestured with his hand towards the broken bowl and the spilled stew.

"I'm sorry sir." I sniffled and tried to stand up. I didn't expect him to push me back down with his foot just before kicking me, his steel-toed boots hitting my sides and back repeatedly before he turned abruptly around, leaving me on the floor, gasping for breath.

As I laid on the floor clutching my sides I heard the television turn on and the recliner groan as Charlie settled into his chair, a basketball game coming through the speakers.

"Get up girl and get my supper in here. Then make sure you clean up the kitchen." his gruff voice called and I slowly pushed myself up off of the kitchen floor and hobbled to the counter where I leaned my weight while I pulled another bowl down and filled it with stew, setting it on the usual tray and pulling two beers out and putting them beside the bowl. Ever so slowly I made my way into the living room and silently set the tray down, turning to return to the kitchen.

I cleaned up the mess and put the leftovers in the fridge, going up to the bathroom and turning on the shower, allowing the sobs to consume me.

The next morning I woke up early and listened to Charlie as he fumbled around in the bathroom and then stomped down the stairs and to the kitchen. Once I heard him leave and his cruiser drive away I got myself dressed and grabbed my bag, heading into the kitchen. I grabbed a cereal bar from the cupboard and was about to begin my walk to the school when I saw the note sitting on the kitchen table.

**Isabella. After school you will come directly home and ensure that the house is spotless. You will make my supper and then go to your room for the night. At school you are not to make friends and you are not to speak about what happens here. **

I scoffed at the note, crumpling it and tossing it in the trash can on my way out the door. I began my journey to the school that Charlie had pointed out on our initial drive to the house, concentrating on getting through the first day and not breaking down into tears.

When I arrived at the front office I introduced myself to the secretary – Mrs. Cope – and quietly accepted my schedule and the school map, stopping briefly at my locker and finding my way to class. Luckily my first two classes flew by, nobody approaching me and trying to make friends. As I sat in my third class waiting for the bell to ring my luck changed.

"Hey, you're Isabella Swan right?" the pimply faced blond asked sitting on the edge of my desk.

"Um.. yeah... but it's Bella." I replied, trying to make my voice sound bored and as un-interested as was possible.

"Well, I'm Mike... Mike Newton." he smiled at me and I forced myself to smile back casually.

"Hey guys!" A female voice piped in and I turned my head to see the brunette looking between Mike and I.

"Hey Jess, this is Bella." Mike introduced and I could practically see the jealousy rolling off of her as he sat down at the empty desk next to me.

"Hey I'm Jessica." The girl said and sat directly in front of me, looking over her shoulder wistfully at the blond boy who was totally oblivious to her.

Throughout that class I could feel the tension and tried to get away from them as I made my way towards the cafeteria. Jessica however had managed to stay by my side, dragging me over to a crowded table in the center of the room, introducing me to her friends one by one.

For the first few minutes of lunch I sat and listened to them all blabber away, not really paying attention to anything that they were saying, worrying about what tonight would bring at home with Charlie.

As I lost myself in my own thoughts I caught a glimpse of them coming through the doors. Five of them, all of them the same but also similar – I couldn't stop myself from staring.

Leading the party was the biggest person I'd ever seen up close, tall and full of muscles, pale skin, dark curly hair and golden eyes, although his appearance was intimidating, something about him seemed softer, teddy-bear like. He was walking arm in arm with a woman who could only be described as a super-model, the kind of woman who made every other woman feel self-conscious. Tall, curvy, blond hair, pale skin, and the same golden eyes as the boy on her arm.

The next two to come in the room were walking hand in hand. A tall and muscular blond boy, his skin pale and his eyes again golden... something about him frightened me but I couldn't pin it down. The woman he was holding hands with was petite and seemed to almost dance across the room, her hair was short and spiky, sticking out in every direction, again she was pale skinned and golden eyed. She glanced at me quickly before continuing on with the others.

The last boy to come in was tall and thinner then the other males but still muscular and defined. His bronze hair was tousled and sticking out in randomly as though he continually ran his fingers through it. Like the others he was pale skinned and his eyes a darker shade of gold. He followed the others through the cafeteria and sat with them at a small round table in the corner. When he had sat down he looked up, catching my eye in his and my breath caught. There was no other way to describe him but beautiful and I mentally chastised myself for the thoughts that immediately began to run through my mind.

"Ah, I see you've noticed the Cullens." Jessica said beside me and I looked back at her curiously.

"The Cullen's are pretty new to Forks too." She began to explain. "Doctor and Mrs. Cullen are really young and can't have kids or something so they take in foster kids. The Cullens keep to themselves and seem to think that they're better than anyone else at this school." she droned on, her tone full of distaste with a hint of jealousy mixed in.

"The dark haired one... that's Emmett Cullen and he's like with the tall blond girl... that's Rosalie Hale... she's a super bitch. Her brother is Jasper Hale, the blond one who looks like he's in pain. Jasper's with Alice Cullen... she's really weird." she described and I noticed that she was right, the two couples couldn't seem to keep their hands off of each other. I thought it was strange considering that they lived together, but not necessarily wrong... just strange.

"Who's the other guy?" I asked as nonchalantly as possible.

"That's Edward Cullen... he's gorgeous... but again he thinks he's too good for any of the girls here, so I wouldn't waste your time with him." she glared at him before turning back to the conversation at our table.

I honestly hadn't planned on anything to do with Edward Cullen but I couldn't stop my eyes from staying glued to him and found myself wanting to talk to him to see him, to be with him, if only for a little bit.

I sat with the rest of the crowd until just before the lunch bell rang and we all headed in separate directions to our classes, unfortunately Mike was in my biology class and insisted on escorting me.

"Ah Miss Swan." the teacher said as soon as we entered the classroom and I felt my cheeks flush bright red.

"I hear that you were in advanced placement back in Phoenix, I'll get you a book and then you can have a seat over there with Edward Cullen... last seat in the class." he said absently looking in the cupboard behind him for an extra textbook.

Once I had my book I made my way down the aisle and sat at the only empty lab spot there was and watched as Edward pulled as far back from me as he could, clutching the desk underneath him as though he was holding on for dear life and it appeared that he was also holding his breath. Not understanding his reaction I rested my head on my arms and focused on the lesson being taught. As the bell rang to signal the end of class I jumped when Edward took off immediately moving too fast to be considered normal, yet still too gracefully.

I didn't have very much time to consider why before Mike came over and insisted on walking me to gym class, following beside me like a little puppy. I ditched him at the locker room and came out on the other side, not looking forward to being the klutz of the gym class. Not only that but my muscles were still stiff from what he... Charlie... had done to me the night before.

I got through gym and made my way directly home, not bothering to get anyone's phone numbers or say goodbye even. When I got home I put my things in my room and went downstairs to work on tidying up Charlie's mess from the night before and doing basic cleaning, starting a load of laundry, and then heading into the kitchen to start on Charlie's dinner.

When Charlie got home I had his tray ready to go and took it to him silently in the living room before going upstairs to do my homework in my bedroom. While I was working on my math homework I lifted the lid to my laptop and loaded up one of my play lists, turning the sound on low so that it wouldn't bother Charlie and went back to work.

I must have fallen asleep at my desk with the music still on because the next thing that I remembered was Charlie's hand pulling me back from the desk by the hair and throwing me on the floor. As his foot came down on my stomach I groaned in pain.

"What the Hell is that noise Bitch?" he nearly screamed at me.

"I'm sorry sir." I moaned not really sure why I was apologizing for playing quiet music.

"You are not to listen to music while you are in my house." he growled, pulling me up roughly by my arm and slamming me into the wall behind me. Before I knew it his hand was around my throat and I was having a hard time breathing. I struggled to get free as his free hand continued to hit me, my stomach, side, chest. Eventually he got bored or tired and dropped me to the ground where I curled up in a ball. Before leaving he turned around and I saw his hand come back and aim for my face. Reflexively I lifted my arm in front of my face and felt something shift as his hand hit it. I yelped in pain and Charlie stormed out of my room, leaving me in a heap on the floor.

I was crying hysterically at this point wondering what exactly I had done and why Charlie had even bothered letting me come back to live with him. With that thought I lifted myself up painfully off of the floor and left my room without a second glance, creeping down the stairs and opening up the door to outside. Stepping outside I began to close the door behind me when something stopped it.

"Where the Hell do you think you're going?" the question wasn't meant to be answered because as soon as he said it I was yanked back inside by the arm and thrown into the stairs, the pain in my back was instant and I cried out.

"Isabella Swan you are not to leave this house except to go to school. If you attempt to leave for any reason I will hunt you down and I will kill you." I heard a click and opened my eyes to see the gun in my face, Charlie's hand on the trigger, his face a mask of rage.

"If I ever catch you talking about what goes on here I will kill you and anybody else who tries to stop me. If you ever try to leave, I will kill you and anyone who gets in my way. Do you understand?" He pressed the gun into my temple and I began whimpering uncontrollably.

"Yes... yes sir..." I stuttered, praying that he wouldn't kill me this way.

"Then get your lazy ass back up to your room and don't come out until the morning." he cried kicking me once before returning to the living room.

I made my way back up the stairs practically crawling, my mind swimming with fear. When I saw the look on Charlie's face with the gun pressed to my head I had no doubt in that minute that he would fire it and I would die. The only way to live was to try and behave, try and do things his way.


	3. Near to Death but not Near Enough

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – Abuse, Rape, Smut Later On.**

The next several days passed by in a blur as I lived in a constant state of fear about what I would do wrong next to anger Charlie, to get beaten to a pulp. My entire body was already black and blue. I had at least one broken rib and my left wrist was swollen and most likely broken as well. Thankfully he never hit my face although he came close a few times. At least the other marks were easy to hide and easy to fix up with the first aid kit I had put together a few days after arriving... one of my only side trips on the way home from school.

At school I had quickly become invisible once it had become clear that I wasn't really interested in what anybody had to say. Mike the puppy would still try and follow me occasionally and the only girl I could stand – Angela – would smile and say hi but that was all. Edward Cullen hadn't been in school since the first day and even though I blamed myself for his disappearance I was glad that he wouldn't be glaring angrily at me.

On Saturday I was bothered that I wouldn't have school to keep me away from Charlie and was relieved when he told me he was working overtime all day Saturday and to have the house cleaned as usual and dinner ready. I got started on my usual chores as soon as he left and went about preparing a small roast for supper before I laid down on the living room carpet and pulled out my book. I spent most of the afternoon reading and cat-napping, feeling the most relaxed that I had since moving to this horrible town.

Late in the afternoon I decided to check my emails and wasn't surprised to find multiple emails waiting from Brinley. I opened up the most recent one.

_January 22nd, 2005_

_Hey Bella,_

_I haven't heard from you since you got to your new home and I just wanted to check on you to make sure that everything is okay. It's not like you to not reply to me and I hope that you're okay. _

_Brinley _

I wanted to reply to her and tell her everything, tell her about the nightmare that I had been suddenly thrust into when I moved here. Instead I remained the coward and sent a basic reply.

_Brin,_

_Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. Things are crazy here with trying to get settled in and get caught up with my new classes. I'll write a longer reply later to fill you in on my new life, but I have to get dinner started._

_Bella_

It seemed as though I had been crying non-stop since I had arrived here at this place and it didn't fail that I began to again cry now, I cried until I had no tears left and then I picked up my book, attempting to read for a few more minutes, to escape to my fantasies before I knew that I would have to face Charlie again.

When it came time to get dinner I set my book down and got ready to serve the roast, making sure not to plate it until I heard the cruiser in the driveway so that it would still be piping hot for him to eat.

Like usual Charlie clunked in the door and went right to his recliner in front of the flat-screen. I was about to pick up the tray and bring it in to him when I heard him stand up again and curiously I turned around just in time to see my book thrown at me, hitting me square in the face.

"You lazy little Bitch! I told you never to leave your shit lying around the house." he stormed over to me and pinned me against the wall as he had done several times now. This time however I saw him reach over and grab something, not quite sure what it was until I felt the stinging as he pulled the carving knife across my stomach, going right through my shirt. I winced in pain, unable to cry out with his hand around my throat. After several more swipes with the knife he dropped me and I grabbed my blood soaked stomach, passing out when I lifted my hand and both saw and smelled the blood.

I woke up a while later and saw that Charlie's dinner was still sitting on the counter and I couldn't hear anything in the house so I pulled myself up, feeling the dry blood crack open and make way for fresh blood to pour out of my wounds. I made my way upstairs and got into the shower, cleaning the cuts painfully out and using steri-strips to close the eight gashes before getting pajamas on and going back downstairs to clean up the mess in the kitchen.

By Tuesday I was feeling relief that it had been a couple days since Charlie had done anything to me and I was starting to enjoy my second week at Forks High when it happened. I was walking through the school parking lot, heading for my morning class with my bag slung over my shoulder, my i-pod on shuffle, trying not to show how much physical pain I was in, and not really paying attention to anything until I saw him.

Edward Cullen had come back to school and was standing by a shiny silver Volvo with the rest of his family. Ducking my head, I continued on my way across the lot and when I glanced up again the five beautiful faces were staring at me, their faces a mask of horror. I turned around wondering what they were staring at and that's when I saw it. Tyler Crowley's van was skidding towards me out of control.

Everything moved in slow motion but I knew that there was no time for me to get out of the line of impact and instead closed my eyes, praying that death would be quick.

I felt the hardness crash into me but it wasn't from in front of me as I expected, instead the cement like object seemed to encompass me and I felt myself being pulled back. As I opened my eyes I was shocked to see the long pale arm circling my waist, pulling me to him as his other arm was held out, stopping the van from crushing me. I felt the cuts on my stomach open up as my muscles were stretched tight but in that moment I didn't care. The van was coming back towards me again and again the pale hand stopped it, the van crashing loudly back to the ground as the hand never moved, never faltered.

Slowly I turned around and saw the pained expression on his face before he set me down gently on the ground, telling me to lay still because I had hit my head and then disappearing as fast as he had arrived.

"Edward?" I squeaked in disbelief as students began swarming the van and the car that I was trapped between, some jumping over to make sure that I was okay.

I laid there on the ground trying to process what had happened until I heard sirens in the distance and a group of men shifted the van to get access to me, now covered in blood and freezing cold.

"Can you tell me what happened Isabella?" the paramedic asked as they placed a neck brace on me and lifted me gently onto a stretcher.

"I was walking here, heading towards the school and then I turned around and saw the van coming at me, I tried to get out of the way, I hit something or something hit me... I'm not sure after that... I hit my head really hard." I looked and felt confused, trying to figure out what Edward Cullen really was.

We rode to the hospital in near silence, the paramedic asking me the odd question. He had tried to look at my stomach to assess for internal bleeding but I had panicked and asked that they wait until the hospital. When we got to the E.R. I was immediately shuffled into a cubicle and I could hear Charlie's gruff voice from somewhere in the small waiting area. I cringed inside, wondering how I was going to cover up all of my injuries and what he would do to punish me when we got home that night.

"Dr. Cullen, may I see Isabella?" I heard him ask and I prepared myself for his glare when he saw me.

"Actually Chief Swan, I was just going to go in and take a look at her injuries, you can wait here and go in as soon as I'm done." the voice that I assumed was Dr. Cullen spoke with authority and gentleness.

It occurred to me briefly that now was my chance, Dr. Cullen was coming in to examine me, I could tell him what happened before the accident with the van, what Charlie did to me. But then again I couldn't exactly expect him to believe me could I? Charlie had the accident now to blame my injuries on and besides, who was going to believe me before the Chief of Police?

"Isabella." Dr. Cullen said as he came in through a break in the curtain.

"Just Bella." I answered mechanically, biting my bottom lip. I was nervous and could feel my arms shaking, but something about Dr. Cullen seemed to calm me down, something told me to trust him.

"I'm just going to take a look and we'll get you in for some x-rays right away. It looks like your wrist is pretty banged up. Can you tell me if anything else hurts?" He asked and lifted my shirt before I realized what he was doing. He didn't say anything when he saw the cuts and bruises and felt around my belly, probably feeling for internal bleeding or something. When he got close to my ribs and went over my bottom one I gasped in pain and he looked at me questioningly. When he was done assessing my stomach he looked at each arm and each leg and then my head, feeling for contusions and pausing when he got to the hand prints on my neck.

"It looks like the truck did a pretty good number on you Bella, give me a minute and we'll get you down to x-ray to take a look at your wrist and your ribs." he smiled at me reassuringly and left the cubicle, Charlie coming in immediately in his wake.

"Isabella you had better not say one word. Your injuries were caused by the van. Do you understand?" he hissed under his breath and I nodded simply, a single tear falling down my cheek.

Charlie glared at me as he pulled the chair around to the side of the bed and sat down, the hatred pouring out of his eyes as he watched me.

"Chief Swan?" A friendly sounding nurse called from outside the curtain a little while later.

"Yes?" he answered, his voice full of fake concern.

"Can you come down and fill out some paperwork. It looks like Dr. Cullen wants Isabella to spend the night to make sure that there are no serious head injuries or internal bleeding." she said and I saw Charlie roll his eyes and glare at me with fury once more before standing up and masking his face in concern before leaving the cubicle. A minute later Dr. Cullen was back in the room.

"Alright Bella, let's get you to x-ray." he said with a smile and I couldn't help but relax in his presence. He reminded me of Edward, same pale skin and gold eyes, blond hair and the same gentleness that possessed Edward. I wondered again what they could possibly be but kept my mouth shut, not wanting to sound completely crazy yet.

I was surprised when Dr. Cullen stayed with me throughout the x-ray and then escorted me upstairs and into a private room instead of back to the E.R. Room.

Once a nurse had gotten me moved into the bed and comfortable he came in to bandage my ribs and put a cast on my wrist, finally stitching the cuts on my stomach. I hadn't spent a lot of time in the hospital before despite my clumsiness but I knew that this wasn't normal for a doctor... they had nurses and aides for these jobs.

"Is there anything that you'd like to talk about Bella?" he asked when he was finished and had sat down on the chair beside the bed.

"Not really." I answered, biting my lip.

"Bella, I know that the bruises and cuts, the broken bones... none of that was caused by the accident that you were in today." he said calmly and something in me wanted to tell him everything. All of it. But I knew that I couldn't, if I did I would die.

"I'm just clumsy." I answered, keeping it simple with my eyes faced down towards the ground.

"Bella, I know that it's hard to talk about, but you can trust me. I won't let anyone know that you said something to me." He spoke quietly and without any signs that he was getting frustrated with my answers.

"I'm just clumsy. You can ask anybody. I trip over my own feet. I fall down the stairs almost once a day, I drop things, I slip and fall. And now apparently I'm a danger magnet too, considering that the van had me as a target until Edward..." I trailed off, not meaning to say anything about him being there.

"Bella, I know that you aren't telling me the truth, but I want you to know that you can trust me and if you need anything at all you can call me anytime." he sighed handing me a card with his number on it.

"How about this Dr. Cullen." I spat angrily now, upset not by him but by life in general right now. I wanted him to do something but I couldn't tell him and I was frustrated, taking it out on him.

"How about I tell you my secret when you tell me what you and your family are hiding?" I challenged him with fire in my eyes and saw his eyes flash in surprise before he looked back at me, his face still calm... too calm.

"Bella, like I said, you can trust me whenever you are ready to talk. I can't help you unless let me. You should get some rest and let your body heal a little bit. Charlie's gone back to work and says he won't be back to get you until the morning." he said before turning and leaving the room.

I turned on my side, ignoring the usual aches and pains and let myself cry. I cried harder and longer then I had ever done before. I cried for the situation I was in with Charlie now, I cried for my mom and Phil, I cried for everything and nothing and when I had no more tears left I dry sobbed until I began to doze off.

When I woke up I was surprised that I had slept the entire afternoon and evening and it was now pitch black outside. As I opened my eyes and let them adjust to the room I could feel the hair on the back of my neck raise up and knew instantly that I wasn't alone.

Afraid that it would be Charlie I didn't turn to look and instead asked quietly, "Who's in the room with me?" After I said the words I thought for a minute that I must be loosing my mind because there were no other sounds in the room, not even the sound of someone breathing. But I still had the distinct feeling that I was being watched.

"Who's in the room with me?" I asked a touch louder then, getting slightly angry at whoever it was.

"I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean to wake you." the voice was not one that I was expecting and at first I was confused, not recognizing it. After a second I realized that it was the same voice that had told me I hit my head after the incident with the van. Smooth and like velvet, one that I had thought hated me, one that I knew was not human.

"You didn't wake me up, I slept most of the afternoon." I answered rolling stiffly onto my other side and groaning in pain when I felt my stitches and ribs pulling with the movement.

"Are you alright?" his voice was still soft but now tainted with worry.

"I'm fine, I'm just stiff from not moving while I slept." I answered him, unsure of why exactly he was here with me in my hospital room.

"I wanted to thank you Edward for pulling me out of the way of the van and not letting it crush me. I'm not sure what you are yet, but I know that if you weren't there I would be dead now." I told him looking down at my hands.

"How hard did you hit your head Bella?" he tried to joke off my observations but I wasn't in the mood for joking.

"Don't worry, I'm not planning on telling anybody that you all have a secret... although it would be nice if you would tell me what you really are." I said rolling my eyes in my head.

"Bella, are you okay? I know that Car... my father said you had a lot of injuries and I know that they weren't all caused by the accident today considering that I saw exactly where you were hit and how hard." he asked me and although he tried to sound cold, he almost sounded pained.

"I'm fine. I'm just your average Klutz. There were a lot of smaller injuries from before that hadn't healed yet. I fall down the stairs and walk into things and slip and fall on nothing all the time. I honestly don't know what the big deal is." I flung my hands up in exasperation and yelped when the cast came in contact with my forehead.

"See!" I practically yelled.

"Just a klutz!" I sighed rubbing the now sore spot on my head.

"I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted to make sure that you were alright and let you know that if you ever need to talk you can call me anytime... or my father... or any of us really." he said and I stared at him in shock.

"What? I don't even know you... any of you! Why would you expect me to want to just call and talk all of a sudden? Is it because I'm local news? The klutz who almost got herself killed by walking across the parking lot? What is it? Am I just the new story for the paper?" I hadn't meant to take my anger out on him but I still didn't understand what he was doing in my hospital room in the middle of the night in the first place.

"I'm sorry Bella, I just wanted to make sure that you are okay." he said and before I knew it he was gone, as though he had never been there to begin with.

I spent the remainder of the night tossing and turning in the bed, replaying my conversation with Edward and the entire day repeatedly in my head until dawn began to break and I breathed a sigh of relief that even if Charlie was going to hurt me, at least I'd be home and away from prying eyes.

Dr. Cullen stopped in once just after the breakfast trays were served to check my stitches and again tell me that if I needed to talk I could call him. He signed my discharge papers and I got dressed hurriedly and went down to the front door of the hospital to wait for Charlie.

About an hour later he drove up to the front barely stopping long enough for me to get in the car and drove me directly home, not speaking the entire way.

"Isabella. Get this place cleaned up. I'll be back for supper. Same rules as always, tonight you'll have to face your punishment for your stunts yesterday.

"Yes sir." I spoke with my eyes down and waited until he left again to go upstairs and get changed. I put on some loose sweat pants and a tank top and went to work cleaning up Charlie's mess from the day before, trying not to think about what would happen tonight as punishment.


	4. New Punishments

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – Abuse, Rape, Smut Later On.**

I worked slowly, hindered by my aching joints and when I was finally done I put some chicken and a couple of potatoes in the oven for Charlie's supper, throwing some broccoli on the stove. As I was serving the food Charlie walked into the house and I was surprised to hear a second set of boots stomp through the house behind his own.

"Bella, get Jacob here a plate and then you can wait in your bedroom. Jacob will up in a little while to deal the rest of your punishment for your stunts yesterday." Charlie huffed and I grabbed a second plate, putting them both on the tray with four beer and taking it into the living room where the men... or should I say Charlie and the boy were waiting.

I made my way back up to my bedroom and sat stoically on the edge of the bed, trying not to think the worst things about what punishment might be coming next. It felt like hours that I waited but it couldn't have been more than 30 minutes before I heard the heavy footsteps making their way upstairs. I couldn't control the shaking in my body any more and by the time my door opened I was practically vibrating in fear.

"Hey Izzy." he sneered at me as he stood in the open doorway and I wondered how my father even knew the boy standing in front of me. He couldn't have been more than sixteen years old, native origin, his black long hair was tied back in a ponytail and he looked even younger than me. But he was almost all muscle and towered over me.

I didn't answer him and stayed perfectly still as he looked me up and down, his face pulling down at the corners.

"Stand up." he commanded and I did as he ordered me to, knowing that if I didn't take my punishment Charlie would just add on more.

"Charlie was right, you're worthless." his words didn't bother me, Charlie had been telling me that since I had come back. No, it wasn't the words, it was the look on his face that sent a chill down my spine. I stayed perfectly still aside from the tremors as he moved closer to me, keeping my eyes on the floor.

"You're mine now. Got it?" he commanded and I nodded my head, replying with a simple "Yes sir."

"Good girl." he said before he crushed his lips to mine, his hands grabbing a fistful of my hair and holding me in place. I stayed as still as I could while his hot mouth continued to kiss me and eventually his tongue forced it's way into my mouth, his breath hot and disgusting against me.

The kiss seemed to be never ending. He let me up for air every so often but then his assault on my lips would continue, his hands began to roam, forcefully pulling my tank top off and pressing against my bare chest, grabbing and pinching so hard I yelped in pain which only caused him to continue his torture.

He was panting against me now and I was getting sick to my stomach, unable to move against his hold, unable to scream out of fear of further punishment.

Soon he was getting impatient and he ripped my track pants off my body, shoving me hard onto my bed and climbing on top of me, his own clothes lying in a heap on top of mine.

His mouth was on mine again as I felt his hand reach down between us and roughly spread my folds open pushing his finger in dry and then pinching my clit so hard I began to cry in pain. After a few more minutes of this agony I felt him push my legs further apart and line himself up at my entrance, thrusting in before I could even beg him to stop, pushing in through the dryness and breaking my barrier all at once.

The best that I could do while he had his way was to try not to scream in agony. When he was finished with me he stood up and dressed without even glancing back at me and I curled up in a ball on the bed, not bothering to get dressed, not bothering to move until I saw the sun beginning to rise the next morning.

**A/N: This was a short chapter but the next ones are longer and I wanted to get this scene out of the way.**


	5. Trust Us

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – Descriptive Abuse, Rape, Smut Later On.**

As usual, I waited for Charlie to leave before I got up and showered and dressed. I threw my sheets in the washing machine and didn't bother getting anything to eat for breakfast before I began my walk to the school, arriving early and sitting outside with a book while I waited for the rest of the student population to begin arriving.

It didn't matter what I did though, how long I showered, how much I tried to occupy my mind. All that I could think about was him with his hands all over my body, I was disgusted with myself for not saying anything when I had the chance and for not fighting against the violation. I was angry at the circumstances that had lead me here in the first place and angry at both Charlie and Jacob... I couldn't understand what I had done to make them hate me this much. But now I could honestly say that I hated myself more.

It seemed like my near-death experience had placed me back at the top of the "Forks High Freaks" list and I felt like I was a museum exhibit all throughout the day as I caught students looking at me. I tried to sink back into my hoodie, tried to disappear as best as I could and spent the day fighting back the sobs that threatened to over take me at any moment.

After school was over I walked back home and was surprised to find Jacob at the house waiting for me to arrive.

"Charlie wants me to stay with you from now on after school until he gets home. Says you can't be trusted by yourself." he said simply when I looked at him warily. It didn't take long for a repeat of the night before to start but this time I felt stronger and tried to resist until he pulled out a large pocket knife and held it to my throat, telling me about how Charlie had approved him using it if I didn't behave myself.

The following days were no different, I would stay awake crying or trying to scrub off the filth that I now felt covered me daily. In the morning I would walk to school where I would sit at the back of all my classes, alone at lunch, and then walk home again to find Jacob waiting for me. I stopped eating because if I ate it always threatened to come back up when I was with Jacob, and Charlie yelled at me when I ate anyways.

On top of everything going on at home, there was also the issue with the Cullens. Ever since the incident with the van they all watched me as though they were waiting for something. Edward tried to talk to me a few times and those few times I let my guard down enough to have a short conversation with him, usually about books or music and I admit I felt a strange connection to him... I could sense when he was near without seeing him and it felt like something was trying to pull me to him. The rest of his family stayed back but they all watched and I felt like I got different reactions from each of them.

The longer this life with Charlie continued, the worse things got. Jacob continued to rape me almost daily and when he didn't he would beat me the same or worse than Charlie. Charlie on the other hand had learned that cutting me caused more of a reaction than just hitting or kicking so his weapon of choice became a pocket knife that he always seemed to have on him and that he continually sharpened.

My body was scarred and disgusting, used, and I... well I was nothing... I was worthless.

"Bella! Wait up Bella." I heard a little more than three months into my stay with Charlie. I was walking towards the cafeteria, my head down, looking at nothing like usual. When I heard him call me I was surprised but kept going.

"Bella, wait!" he called again and I felt his hand grab my arm. Instinctively I pulled it back and spun around to face him.

"What is it Mike?" I asked with aggravation in my voice I didn't want to come across as a bitch but I knew it was the best way to keep people out, to push them away.

"Hey, I just wanted to talk to you for a minute, why don't you come outside with me for a walk?" he said in more of a command than a question, again grabbing my arm forcefully.

"No. Let go of me Mike." I demanded, planting my feet firmly and refusing to move.

"I said lets go." he answered pulling me hard and forcing me to follow by his side.

"No." I said stubbornly, anger flaring up in my body and I anchored myself firmly to the ground. What was wrong with the men of Forks? I was already putting up with too much, first Charlie and then Jacob, there was now way that I was going to let this pimply faced punk get to me too.

"What the Hell is your problem?" he spat at me and continued to pull me towards the exit, my arm aching from where he was gripping it.

"Mike LET GO!" I screamed loudly and as he spun back to face me I felt him slam my body into a locker behind me. I felt some of my make shift stitches in my back give out and the cuts open up, blood spilling down my back and sides.

"I'm sick of this crap that you put off, I've tried being nice to you but I've had enough. When I want something Isabella, I get it. And I want you." he sneered at me and smashed my head into the locker. I felt everything begin to fade with the throbbing in my head and just as I lost consciousness I heard a low, deep growl before Mike's grip on me disappeared and I collapsed to the ground.

As the darkness lifted off of me I groaned in pain at the throbbing that threatened to crack my head into two pieces. Blinking my eyes to adjust to the light I groaned again when I realized that I was again at the Forks Hospital... just great. Charlie would kill me for sure this time.

"Bella?" A tentative voice asked from beside the bed and I turned to look at Edward who was sitting worriedly beside me.

"Why am I here?" I asked hoarsely, trying not to let my fear show through.

"You passed out at school after you hit your head. I drove you directly here and Car... my father put you in a room right away. He wants to speak to you and will be in to do so in a few minutes." Edward explained in his velvety voice and I rolled my eyes.

"I can't be here. I need to get home now." I said sitting up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed.

"Bella, you're staying until Carlisle talks to you." he said and I felt his hands pull me back down onto the bed. Instead of fighting him I collapsed and pulled my legs up to my chest, crying hysterically.

"I'm sorry Bella, did I hurt you?" he asked and his voice now sounded strained.

"I can't be here... he'll kill me when he finds out." I sobbed uncontrollably and felt the same stone cold arms pull me onto his lap, enveloping me in an icy but soothing embrace.

"It's okay Bella, he can't hurt you here." he hushed me and I couldn't help but continue to sob into him.

"You don't understand... he'll kill anyone who gets in his way... he'll kill me... they both will..." I was gasping for air, and although I hadn't meant to say anything at all it was somehow spilling out without my control.

"Bella, can you tell me who is hurting you? I promise, they won't hurt you or me if you tell me." he was still rocking with me in his arms.

"I... I can't..." I sobbed into his shirt and suddenly I felt him stiffen and turn around.

"What is going on here?" Charlie's gruff voice sounded from the entrance to my room.

"Chief Swan, there was an accident at school, Bella was attacked by another student." Edward spoke up before I could, his voice was cold and calculating. Terror gripped me when I realized that Charlie was there and I curled into Edward's chest tighter.

"Well, I'll take care of her from here Cullen. Let's go home Isabella." he commanded but I couldn't move, I was frozen in fear and I closed my eyes, praying for protection, for help, for anything.

"Actually Chief Swan, my father wanted to run some tests to make sure that Bella is okay. He'll be in to see her in just a minute." Edward spoke for me again and although I was grateful I was now worried for his life as well as my own.

"I'm sorry Cullen, but seeing as Isabella is my daughter, I'll be taking her home now. There are no tests needed, I'm sure she's fine. Now I'll have you let her go before I arrest you son." Charlie's voice was threatening and I cringed back again, knowing that this confrontation was going to get me into even more trouble.

"No... No... No..." I chanted as I saw him coming closer to the bed, his hand outstretched towards me.

"Isabella..." he spoke low and angrily, and I thought I felt a growl form in Edward's chest.

"No... I won't go with you Charlie... NO!" I screamed as he reached out to grab my arm. Before he could touch me Edward had shifted me out of his reach and was standing in front of me protectively.

"Is there a problem in here Chief Swan?" Dr. Cullen's voice entered the room behind Charlie and I pulled myself into a ball as I watched the scene unfold, regretting my decision to say no to Charlie.

"Actually yes there is Dr. Cullen. Your son here is preventing me from taking my daughter home and if he does not move to let me through I will have to arrest him." Charlie answered, his voice calmer but still angry.

"Is this true Edward?" Dr. Cullen asked and I saw Edward relax slightly in front of me.

"Actually no, Bella does not want to go with Charlie and seeing as her injuries are rather serious I was simply telling him of your opinion that it is in her best interest to stay here until she can be examined further." he said looking only at Dr. Cullen.

"May I have a word with you in the hallway Charlie?" Dr. Cullen asked firmly and it wasn't much and they both turned and left the room quickly, Dr. Cullen closing the door to my room behind him.

"Bella, I need you to tell me if it's Charlie that's hurting you." Edward said pulling me back into his embrace. I was no longer crying but my body was still frozen in fear.

"I can't... I can't..." I stuttered not quite able to say the words.

"You can Bella, my father won't let anything happen to you, but you need to tell us so that we can make him stop." he encouraged me, lifting my chin and forcing me to look at his face.

"Bella?" he questioned after a few minutes of silence.

"Yes... it's Charlie... he hurts me..." I finally whispered, I told him my secret.


	6. Confessions

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – Descriptive Abuse, Rape, Smut Later On.**

"_Yes... it's Charlie... he hurts me..." I finally whispered, I told him my secret._

"Please, you can't say anything though Edward... please!" I begged him to remain silent, regretting that I had said anything to him almost instantly.

"Bella, I know this is hard for you but you need to talk about it, you need to tell us so that we can help you." Now it was him begging me and he looked as though he would break down in tears if I didn't let him help me. I was tired of fighting, of hurting, could I trust him?

"What if nobody believes me?" my voice reflected how I was feeling – terrified.

"I believe you Bella. My father believes you. We see the marks Bella, they'll believe you too but you need to let us help you." I felt his fingers intertwine with mine and I felt safer than I ever had.

"I trust you but... but I'm scared... Charlie... he'll kill me if I say anything... and if he doesn't..." I couldn't continue but Edward seemed to sense that and didn't push. He held me in his arms while I sobbed tearlessly, the fear of what I was about to do paralyzing me.

"Thank you for trusting me Bella. My father is going to come in and speak to you in a few minutes. I need you to tell him what you just said, you need to tell him everything." Edward encouraged me giving me a gentle squeeze and I rested my head against his stony chest. I wasn't sure if I could do this, could really tell them everything, but what other option did I have now? I couldn't go back to Charlie after telling them this much, I couldn't.

"Edward?" I asked meekly. I needed to changed the topic now, to talk about something else to make me relax a little bit before Dr. Cullen came back in.

"Yes Bella?" He answered me.

"If I asked you a question would you be truthful with me?" I asked nervously. I was making all kinds of breakthroughs today... I was going to tell them about Charlie and now I was going to risk my mental health status to find out the truth.

"It depends on the question."

"Are you... are you and your family vampires?" I asked burying my face in his chest from the sheer absurdity of the question. He didn't laugh like I expected though, instead the atmosphere suddenly became tense in the room.

"I was right..." I murmured when I glanced at his face to see his shock written all over it.

"How did you know?" he managed to ask, his calm returning to him.

"It took me a while to figure it out. But you and your family are all so pale, your eyes the same weird gold color even though you aren't blood related. You can move faster than any normal human and you have the strength to stop a van from crushing me. Your body is icy cold and as hard as stone. You're never there on sunny days, you never eat or drink anything, and on the days where I have fresh cuts and the blood is fresh your eyes go pitch black and you look like you're trying to hold yourself back from something." I answered him, revealing just how much I had noticed about the mysterious Cullen family.

"And yet you aren't afraid of me?" he asked looking down at me in awe.

"Why would I be afraid of you? You are obviously not out to kill me or I'd already be dead. You've saved my life and you are the only one who has taken the time to even care about me at all. And this is probably going to sound ridiculous but I feel a strange kind of pull, or connection to you even if I don't really know you... I feel like I do." I answered him honestly just before I heard the knock on the door and Dr. Cullen walked in calmly, a small tight smile on his face.

"Hello Bella." his voice was calm and collected as he pulled a chair up to the end of the bed and sat down, notebook in hand.

"Hi Dr. Cullen." I spoke quietly, looking down and lacing my fingers tighter together with Edward's. I was visibly shaking with the knowledge of what I was about to do, the only thing keeping me steady in the room right now was the strange calm connection flowing between Edward and I.

"Please, call me Carlisle." he smiled at me again and I couldn't help but look up. The room was surprisingly comfortable. I nodded at him and he continued.

"Bella, I need you to let us help you. You need to tell me who's been hurting you." his voice was firmer but still soothing and I nodded my head, taking a deep breath before launching into everything.

"I don't know if you know this but my mom and step-dad were killed in a plane crash two weeks before I moved here. Charlie was the only blood relative that I had so I was sent here even though I had an idea of what he was like before my mom left him back when I was just a baby. As soon as I got here Charlie gave me the rules... mostly things about doing chores and not bothering him, keeping up my grades and not making friends. I didn't understand it until the first time that he grabbed me and threw me into a wall, he kicked me and hit me repeatedly. He grabs my hair and threw me into walls, furniture, down the stairs. He grabs me by the neck and pins me against the wall while he uses my body as a punching bag. I tried to leave the house once and he held his gun to my head, he told me that if I ever said anything or tried to leave he would kill me and anybody who helped me." I took a breath and wiped my tears away, blowing my nose on the tissue that Dr. Cullen... Carlisle had handed me.

"It was a couple of days before the accident with the van that he started to cut me with a kitchen knife. After the accident it got worse and I was almost never left alone anymore." I was crying a lot harder now, not wanting to reveal anything about Jacob but knowing that I would have to.

"Bella, you said they'll both hurt you. Who else hurts you?" Edward asked gently and I felt myself begin to shake at the thought of telling them.

"After the accident with the van Charlie brought him over to our house and told me it was my punishment for winding up in the hospital. He made me wait upstairs while they ate and drank and then when he came upstairs he... he..." I couldn't say the words and was gasping for air.

"It's okay Bella, they aren't going to hurt you anymore. Can you tell me who he is and what he did?" Carlisle asked after handing me another tissue.

"He... Jacob... he raped me. Charlie made him stay with me whenever he wasn't home... he rapes me." I whispered, a fresh torrent of tears following my words, a low growl erupting behind me as I felt Edward's grip on my tighten slightly.

"Charlie lets Jacob do what he wants to me. When he isn't using me for sex he's using the pocketknife that Charlie gave him to punish me, he likes to torture me, lock me in small spaces, tie me up in horrible positions, the bite marks are from Jacob." I took a shaky breath after this revelation, suddenly not sure whether I wanted to continue or not.

"Who is Jacob?" Carlisle asked but looked more to Edward for the answer.

"Jacob Black... he lives on the Reservation... he's a... he's a..." I paused, unsure of whether or not I should say anything else but if I was going to tell anybody this detail, these had to be the right people to tell.

"Go ahead Bella, it's alright." Edward nudged me gently.

"He's a werewolf." I spit it out finally and watched as Carlisle's face flashed angrily before returning to his usual mask of calm. "I made him mad a couple of times by fighting back and he would start shaking and back up and then he would disappear and a giant wolf would be standing in his place." I paused again as I heard them both suck in a deep breath and whisper something about me still being alive. "After he did that three or four times I never fought back because I didn't want him to kill me." I explained, realizing how absurd I sounded in that moment.

"He phased with you in the same room and didn't hurt you in the process?" Carlisle asked in amazement and I was relieved that at least for the moment they didn't appear to doubt my sanity.

"I could always tell when he was close to changing and I learned that I had to move as far away from him as possible when he got like that."

"I know that this has been hard for you to tell us Bella, but I want you to know that you are doing great." Carlisle smiled encouragingly and I felt a small tinge of hope well up in my chest.

"What happens now? Will I have to go back to Charlie?" I asked meekly, not really sure what sharing everything with Edward and his father had actually accomplished.

"Bella, Charlie's been arrested by the Washington State Police. I had them called in when Edward brought you here and I saw the hand prints and other marks, I had a strong feeling that it was Charlie who was doing this and was hoping that you would open up to us this time." Carlisle explained and I felt a strange mixture of feelings about this revelation.

"You heard me when I first told Edward, didn't you?" it was more of an observation than a question but he answered with a nod anyways.

"Did the state police believe it?"

"Yes Bella, they have a copy of your file, of your injuries from the last time you were here and this time. The only thing is Bella, someone will be coming in later on and I need you to tell them exactly what you just told us. You need to tell them everything about Charlie and Jacob. Well almost everything, it would be better if you leave out the detail of Jacob being a wolf." He explained and for the first time in months I felt a surge of hope, and an overwhelming sense of relief.

"So what happens to me now? I'm only seventeen, do I have to go into foster care?" I asked a minute later looking at Carlisle curiously, not thrilled with the idea but not really opposed to it either. Anything had to be better than the torture I endured with Charlie and Jacob.

"Well as you know Bella, my wife Esme and I are licensed foster parents, if you would like you are welcome to stay with us, we can ask child services if there would be any problems with that, which I highly doubt there would be. I also know that you are aware of what we are so I understand if you don't feel comfortable with that option. Just let me know what you would prefer and we can try and figure something out." he told me and I truly did feel as though he was welcoming me into his home.

"What about Jacob?" I asked worriedly as the thought of him on the loose terrified me.

"I will send the State Police out the reservation to pick him up. I'm going to be honest though Bella, if Jacob is in wolf form they won't find him. But my family and I will be here with you, you don't need to worry about him getting anywhere near you." Carlisle tried to assure me but my fear spiked back up.

"I have a bit of paperwork to fill out, when the officer comes in to question you would you like me in the room as well Bella?" Carlisle asked and I felt the concern coming off of him as I nodded my head yes. He smiled warmly at me and then turned and left the room, leaving Edward and I alone.

"You should try and get some sleep Bella, you look exhausted." Edward said quietly, shifting to lay me down in the bed and laying next to me, pushing the hair off my face.

"Did he mean what he said about me staying at your house?" I asked curiously, honestly considering the idea.

"Yes Bella, of course." Edward assured me and I thought about what that would be like... what it would mean for me.

"Why are you all helping me like this? I'm not worth all of the trouble this is causing everybody..." I whispered, pulling my arms across my chest.

"Why would you say that Bella?" His voice sounded pained as he asked me. I just shrugged my shoulders in response.

"Bella, before Carlisle came in, you told me that you feel a pull, a connection to me. I feel the same thing to you and I have since the first time I saw you in the cafeteria. I couldn't figure it out." he told me and I wondered out loud why he would feel that towards me of all people.

"I don't want to scare you Bella but I think that you should know. Typically our kind when they mate, they mate for life... it's always with another one of our type. When I felt that initial pull to you it scared me and I left for a few days to think things through. When I came back and described how I was feeling to the rest of my family, they confirmed that it's the same feeling as when we mate. I don't understand it and I understand if I am scaring you away by talking about this to you, but I want you to know that you are worth it. I would do anything to protect you, to keep you safe, to have you close to me." he said and looked down at me, his face full of shame as if waiting for me to run screaming.

"So that's what it is..." I muttered, the understanding hitting me even as I felt crazy for thinking my own thoughts.

"What do you mean?" he asked not following my train of thought.

"Since I saw you that day in the cafeteria, like we've both already said I've felt pulled to you, connected to you. When you are around I feel different... complete somehow. I didn't want to talk to you and Carlisle just now, but something about being with you made me feel protected, safe... and again complete. I can't explain it but I know that what you just said has to be true." I mused considering things.

He didn't say anything else but he continued to rub my head softly and I thought I felt him plant a kiss on the top of my hair. A few minutes later he started to hum an unfamiliar melody and I closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep.

"No! Charlie No!" I screamed at him from the top of the stairs. He had his gun in his hand and was pointing it at me as he slowly climbed the stairs. I turned to run but couldn't move. Jacob's hot hands were all over me as Charlie arrived on scene, first punching me in the stomach and then I felt the barrel of the gun on my head just before the loud bang.

"Bella? Bella? Wake up Bella." A smooth velvety voice was pulling me out of the blackness and I realized foolishly that I had been dreaming. Edward's face was looking over me worriedly when I opened my eyes and I felt my cheeks blush red in embarrassment.

"It was just a dream... I'm sorry... was I talking in my sleep?" I asked sheepishly.

"You were screaming as though someone was torturing you Bella." he replied grimly.

"I'm sorry..." I apologized immediately and he hugged me close to his chest. I inhaled his scent and felt instantly relaxed.

"Bella, are you up for a visitor? My mother – Esme – is here and would like to meet you." Edward asked a few minutes later. I nodded my head and he sat up on the bed, pulling me back onto his lap, looking at me for approval. Again I nodded and he told her to come in using only a normal voice.

As the door to my room opened a petite and beautiful woman entered the room. She had a heart shaped face and caramel colored hair, and of course the Cullen's trademark pale skin and gold eyes. As she came into the room she looked at the position Edward and I were sitting in and smiled warmly at us.

"Hi Bella. My name is Esme, it's nice to finally meet you." Her voice was feminine and beautiful and her words filled with warmth and welcoming.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you." I spoke shyly, not really sure of what to say.

"I brought you something to eat if you're hungry." she smiled and handed me the Styrofoam container and my stomach growled at the scent of the food.

"Thank you, it smells wonderful." I said and set the carton down on the bedside table and began to open it up to investigate. Inside was a small container of what looked like home made soup and a club sandwich.

"Bella, I want you to know that when Carlisle was talking to you earlier, he was serious about his offer to come and stay with us. We would love to have you if you are interested." she spoke quietly as I began to eat the food in front of me, amazed at how delicious such a simple meal tasted.

"Thank you Esme." I smiled and took another spoonful of soup, I couldn't help feeling like I was already part of the family.

"I don't want to be an imposition or any trouble for your family." I looked down at the food in front of me, wanting more than anything to belong, to have somewhere to go but also not wanting to be a burden to anyone.

"Bella dear, it's no imposition, I promise you that. Everyone will be so excited when I tell them that you'll be staying with us." she was almost glowing with happiness and I couldn't help smiling at her again.

After a few more minutes she left the room to go find Carlisle and I laid back down on the bed, still feeling exhausted from the days events. Before I was able to fall asleep again Carlisle and a detective came in and I re-told them the same story about Charlie and Jacob. Edward sat beside me on the bed and held my hand the entire time and although it was still hard for me to talk about I got through my story and all of their questions. After that I fell asleep more easily in Edward's arms and slept through the rest of the night, waking up feeling fully rested for a change.

* * *

**A/N: I know that this chapter isn't exactly something that's new but I promise things will change up from the usual and get a little more interesting in the next couple of chapters.**


	7. Cullen House

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – Descriptive Abuse, Rape, Smut Later On.**

_After that I fell asleep more easily in Edward's arms and slept through the rest of the night, waking up feeling fully rested for a change._

"Bella, Love?" I heard his voice calling to me and I stretched my arms out above my head, smiling when I felt the ice cold arms that were still wrapped around my waist.

"You stayed!" I couldn't mask the happiness that I was feeling at him having stayed the night with me.

"Yes, is that alright?" he asked as I opened my eyes and looked up into his face. I was surprised to see the sun shining brightly into the room and the previous days' events came rushing back to me, darkening my mood considerably.

"I'm glad you stayed. That's the first time I've slept like that in months." I answered him but couldn't control the frown on my face as I wondered if it was all true, if Charlie had really been arrested.

"Carlisle wanted me to let you know that whenever you are ready I can take you to the house and help you get settled in." he told me and I saw something unrecognizable flash in his eyes.

"Edward if it's going to make you uncomfortable for me to stay at your house I don't have to... I'm sorry." I began to ramble and felt him sigh.

"No Bella, that's not it at all, I just wasn't sure if you still wanted to stay with us." he told me and it was my turn to sigh.

When I was more awake I stumbled my way into the bathroom and cleaned myself up before getting dressed in a clean outfit that Edward's sister Alice had supposedly left for me and Edward lead me out to the parking garage and his car, helping me in.

As Edward drove quickly through town it was fairly silent and I watched out the windows, dozens of questions floating around in my head.

"Edward?" I asked as we began to leave the town behind us and I noted that I had no idea where the Cullens actually lived.

"Yes Bella?" he answered looking over at me.

"Can you tell me about yourself? I mean... how old are you? How much can you tell me about yourself and your family?" I tried to explain what I wanted to know.

"Um... well... what do you want to know about me?" he asked sounding unsure.

"Well... how old are you? How did you meet your family? How did you become a... a vampire? What exactly do you eat if you don't eat humans?" I expanded my initial question.

"I'm 17 Bella. I was born in 1901 and in 1918, Carlisle found me dying of Spanish Influenza. My father had already died and my mother was on her deathbed. It was her dying wish for him to save me and I guess Carlisle had been alone for so long he wanted a companion. He snuck me out of the hospital, I was nearly dead anyways and changed me. It was a few years later, in 1921, that he found Esme after an accident left her nearly dead. Rosalie was next in 1933 and when she found Emmett dying from a bear attack in 1935 she asked Carlisle to change him for her. Alice and Jasper joined our family in 1950. Alice has no memory of anything before waking up from the change, but she has a special gift. She saw our family and Jasper and knew that she was meant to join us. She waited for Jasper in a diner for days before he showed up and then they both made their way to us." he paused to consider something before continuing with his story.

"Carlisle is the oldest of us and was born sometime in the 1640's. When he was first changed he did everything that he could to ensure that he didn't harm any humans. He tried to kill himself a variety of ways including starvation. He was weak and insane with thirst when a dear wandered by him and he attacked. That was when he figured out that we can survive on the blood of animals... so that's what we eat... all of us. Jasper though, he's the newest to this _vegetarian_ lifestyle so he has a harder time with his control." he explained to me and some of my questions now seemed to be answered enough.

By now we were turning down a hidden driveway a little way out of town. I would have missed it altogether if Edward's Volvo hadn't turned down it. The driveway twisted and turned for a minute before a clearing with a large house came into view.

The house was magnificent. It was older but looked completely re-done, painted white with three stories, there was a massive garage to the side and behind. The wrap around porch looked completely inviting and I couldn't help the feelings of inadequacy that hit me as soon as I understood that this was chateau Cullen.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself down I unbuckled my seat belt and let myself out of Edward's car, moving to his side and walking up the front steps with him.

As he opened the front door and let us inside I was pleasantly surprised at the home in front of me. It was modern and bright, decorated in creams and whites. We wandered in through the large foyer and into a large living room with multiple sofas and chairs and I looked in amazement at the back wall that seemed as though it had been completely removed and replaced with a giant sheet of glass.

"Bella!" I heard the sweet voice come into the room behind me as I continued to look around in awe.

"Welcome!" she exclaimed as I turned towards her and she pulled me into a gentle hug.

"Thank you. The house is beautiful." I said as she released me.

"Come on dear, let me show you the rest of the house. Edward, Jasper and Emmett are waiting for you out back." Esme spoke like a true mother although she couldn't have been more than a few years older than her "children".

Esme lead me down the hall, showing me the massive kitchen that I realized had probably never been used despite the top of the line appliances visible to me. A little further down the hall was a small powder room and at the very end of the hall she opened a door and showed me Carlisle's study, explaining that if I ever needed to find Carlisle, this is most likely where he'd be. I stared in awe at all of the books on his shelves before turning and following Esme back towards the living room and up the stairs to the second story.

"This floor is where most of the bedrooms are." she explained when we reached the landing and turned to go down the hall.

"Mine and Carlisle's room," she showed me inside the massive room, decorated in rich earth tones. "Bathroom," she gestured as we walked by and I vaguely wondered if Vampires ever used a bathroom anyways.

"Emmett and Rosalie's room." she said not showing me inside and continuing down the hallway.

"And the last room here is Alice and Jasper's room." she smiled back at me as Alice's door was thrown open and the tiny little pixie jumped out, startling me and causing me to yelp in surprise.

"Welcome home Bella!" she exclaimed excitedly pulling me into the beautiful blue room. I looked around and noticed that it was prettily decorated but still masculine enough to be shared with Jasper with the deep blues accented by the dark wood furniture. Alice was still dragging me across the room and before I knew it I was standing inside a closet that was nearly as big as the room itself.

"We'll be spending a lot of time in this room so I figured that I better show you." she was bouncing with excitement as Esme gave her a scolding look and pulled me back out of the room.

"Let me show you the rest of the house." she said to Alice and we continued up another set of stairs and to the third story.

"This is Edward's room," she smiled at me as we stopped at the open doorway and I was instantly mesmerized by the room that screamed of Edward. The room was decorated in black and golds, there was no bed in the room, only a small chaise. In the centre of the room was a state of the art stereo system and there was music adorning every wall, even the desk had stacks of music sitting on.

"He loves his music." Esme murmured before turning and leading me further down the hallway.

"This was the only spare bedroom so I hope that you don't mind being up here on the third floor." she spoke quietly as we came to the only other doorway up here. Opening the door she stepped aside and I stepped in, gasping in shock at the room in front of me.

"Alice and I put everything together for you last night, I hope you like it." Esme spoke softly as I looked on in amazement.

The room was decorated in rich purples and had to have been three times the size of my bedroom at Charlie's house. Thinking of that room made shudder_._ In the middle was a massive bed that had to have been at least a king-size, a plain deep purple bedding set neatly made up. By the window wall there was a large desk and a comfortable looking work chair. The opposite wall was floor to ceiling book-shelves and I noticed that there were a number of books already resting on the shelves. I walked to my left and towards the first door in the wall and opened it to find a large closet partially filled with clothing.

"Alice bought you a few things to wear." I thought I saw Esme roll her eyes as I looked in awe at the closet. Quickly I closed the door and opened the next one which revealed a full en suite bathroom. I turned back into the room and looked back at Esme speechless.

"Do you like it dear?" she asked nervously and I felt my disbelief at her words.

"I love it Esme, thank you!" I exclaimed and she wrapped her arms around me again as I felt the tears begin to trickle down my cheeks.

"Oh Bella, don't cry, what's the matter sweetheart?" she asked worriedly leading me over to the bed and sitting me down beside her.

"I'm so sorry, I'm just so overwhelmed right now." I sniffled, pulling away and wiping my cheeks with the back of my sleeve.

"I understand dear," she soothed gently as I gathered myself.

"Come on, why don't we go back downstairs and get something to eat." she smiled and we stood up, leaving my new room and heading back downstairs.

Esme made me a small lunch and I ate quietly at the breakfast bar, letting the events of the past couple of days sink into my head. Esme left me to my thoughts telling me that she would be in the living room if I needed anything. When I finished eating I washed and put away my dishes, deciding to wander down to the living room.

I regretted the decision almost instantly when I stopped at the entrance and saw that the entire family minus Carlisle was sitting around, each involved in their own activity, each stopping when I entered the room.

"Bella," Edward smiled and stood up, coming over to my side.

"Hey." I said nervously to no one in particular as Edward lead me over to the sofa he had been sitting on and we both sat back down.

"Bella, this is Jasper." Alice said from Jasper's lap and Jasper smiled a tight smile at me.

"Hi." I answered brilliantly.

"I'm Rosalie and this is Emmett." the beautiful blond spoke warmly and Emmett's grin grew hugely across his face.

"Hey." I said again feeling suddenly very self-conscious.

After the weird introductions everyone went back to what they were doing and I watched in wonder at the family in front of me.

Rosalie and Alice were talking about some spring fashion show that was coming up, discussing styles and designers, colors and wardrobes. Esme was sitting in a plush leather chair, sketchbook on her lap, drawing out what looked like building plans of some sort. Jasper and Emmett were entranced in some sort of racing game on the game console, their fingers moving too fast for my eyes to see. Edward also had a notebook in his lap but I noticed that it was blank sheet music and his hands were scribbling out an unknown melody while I relaxed and watched everyone around me.

My eyes were getting droopy again and I was about to shut down and let sleep take over when I heard a slight gasp from across the room. My eyes snapped up as I saw Alice's eyes glaze over and I realized that she seemed to be in a trance of sorts. Looking around the room everyone had paused what they were doing and were looking at either Alice or Edward questioningly. I looked at Edward and saw him sitting stiffly, concentrating on Alice.

"When?" he asked and it was just barely audible in the silence of the room.

Alice snapped out of it then and everyone looked around the room nervously. Suddenly I felt like I was intruding on some sort of vampire thing so I excused myself and decided to go upstairs to my new room to give them a chance to talk about whatever had just happened without me in the room.

I made my way up the stairs and into my room, sitting down at the desk and finding some paper and a pen. I began to write a poem, something that I had done since I was a small child to describe my feelings.

"Bella?" I heard a few minutes later and I turned my head to see Edward standing nervously in the doorway.

"Yes?" I answered calmly.

"I just wanted to let you know that we've got to leave for a couple of hours tonight and make sure that you'll be okay here." he said looking nervously at his hands.

"I'll be fine, I'm going to head back to bed soon anyways." I said shrugging my shoulders.

"Are you going out because of whatever just happened with Alice?" I asked curiously.

"Yes," he answered simply.

I stood up and moved closer to Edward, wondering what other secrets they had as a family.

"Does Alice see things?" I asked trying to pull more information out of him and watching as his face briefly showed surprise before he walked further into the room and we both sat down on the bed.

"Can you just tell me, if I'm going to be living here it's only right that I know what's going on, at least so that I can give you all privacy when needed." I explained simply and saw him nod his head.

"Alice has visions of the future. She sees the path that people are on, the decisions that people make changing that path." he said quietly and I smiled slightly, knowing that my predictions were accurate.

"And you? Can you read minds or something?" I asked him and again he looked surprised.

"Yes, I can read minds... well aside from yours, and Alice... well Alice can't see your future or your decisions either." he said and I let out a breath of relief that I was safe from mental intrusion.

"And Jasper?" I asked watching his face as he tried to keep it stoic.

"Jasper is an empath. He can feel the emotions of those around them, he can also influence other peoples' emotions." Edward explained and I wondered if I was immune to his talent as well.

"What about me? Can he feel my emotions?" I asked him and he shook his head softly.

"No, you are a wonder for sure. None of us has ever met someone who is immune to our talents." He smiled at me and I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped my lips at the frustration that was showing through on his face.

"What about everyone else?" I asked wondering what other weird talents this family might possess.

"That's it for abilities. Carlisle has some theories about why some of us have talents. He thinks that our strongest traits as humans get carried over when we are transformed into this. For example he thinks Alice might have had some pre-cognition as a human and I was always able to read people and know what they were thinking, Jasper could always influence people." he said and I wondered what strong traits could be carried over in the other vampires.

"So are you going to tell me what Alice saw then to make you all have to leave tonight?" I asked looking up into his beautiful topaz eyes.

"Alice saw a couple of other vampires coming into the area. Basically if we don't head them off before they get near the house they stick around town, causing a lot of problems for us. If we do then they move on and we can go on with our life here." he explained and I felt the hair on the back of my neck prickle up.

"So I'm guessing that they aren't animal drinking vampires then." I whispered and watched as his eyes seemed to search mine for something.

"No, they aren't." he grimaced and I reached out and grabbed his hand.

"How are you not a afraid of us?" he asked me, his voice filled with wonder.

"Because I've seen monsters before and you are not a monster." I whispered and shifted closer to him. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into a soft embrace, I gripped him tightly and buried my face in his chest, breathing in his heavenly scent. While we were touching it was as though we were connected, an electricity of sorts pulling us together, fusing us.

When we broke apart I instantly felt cold and as though a piece of me was missing, I frowned at the strange feeling.

"What's wrong Bella?" he asked softly, tilting my chin up to look at his face with his hand and restoring the complete feeling.

"When you... when you touch me... I feel different... complete... and then when we separated just now... there was a strange emptiness... a coldness." I explained and looked down again, embarrassed slightly at my admission.

"I feel that too Bella." he sighed taking my hand again and I instantly relaxed.

"Are you going to be okay here while we're gone?" he asked a few minutes later and I nodded my head, even though I knew that I didn't want him to go.

"Actually I'm honestly really tired... it's been kind of an overwhelming day for me. If it's okay I'd just like to take a shower and go to bed." I said and felt the blush creep back up my cheeks.

"Why don't you go ahead then, get some rest. Tomorrow we're back at school as long as you are feeling okay so you might as well try and get a good night's sleep." he told me and stood up, reluctantly letting go of my hand.

"Oh and Bella?" he asked just before he reached the door.

"We got you a cell phone," he said holding out his hand and I saw the small purple device.

"You didn't have to..." I started but before I could argue further he had the phone in my hand.

"No, we thought it would be good for you to have, especially nights like tonight. If you need anything at all, all of our numbers are already entered and ready to go, don't hesitate to contact us." he said with a smile and brushed a strand of hair off my face.

"Thank you." I whispered moving another step closer to him.

We were nearly chest to chest now. I was gazing up into his topaz eyes that seemed to mesmerize me and I could feel his cool breath on my face as I slowly pushed my face up towards his, his lips meeting mine halfway.

It was a slow and gentle kiss, his cool lips hard against mine as I reached up and wound my fingers into his hair, pulling him closer to me. His arms reached around and pulled me against his chest before we both pulled apart, our breathing heavy, my pulse pounding. I closed my head and leaned against his chest for a minute, his head resting on mine before we both pulled back and he looked me in the eyes.

"Get some sleep Bella," he commanded gently with a small smile on his lips.

"I'll see you in the morning." he pecked my lips softly once more and then he was gone, a gentle breeze left behind him.

I took a second before I made my way to the bathroom and turned on the water, hoping that it would help take away the empty feeling of not touching Edward. I couldn't explain it, I didn't know why I didn't cringe back from his touch and instead welcomed it. All that I knew is that I did.

I took my time in the shower utilizing the various shower heads to massage my aching body and when I was finished, dried off using the fluffiest towel I'd ever felt. I paused when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, my stomach doing flip flops at the sight that I had grown used to avoiding. My body was still black and blue all over, from my neck to my fingers, ankles, legs, arms, torso, there were hundreds of scars from the knife cuts that both Charlie and Jacob had enjoyed making and I felt the tears well up at the sight before I turned away.

Waiting on the counter for me were a pair of royal blue flannel pajama pants and a long sleeved white thermal sleep shirt. I threw them on, mentally thanking Alice for leaving them out and opened the door to the bathroom, planning on heading right to bed.

"Izzy, what a surprise!" I jumped when I heard the familiar husky voice, freezing me in place.

"What the Hell are you doing here Jacob?" I hissed at him, backing up slowly towards the bedroom door.


	8. Prisoner

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

_*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, possible smut later on.**_

"_What the Hell are you doing here Jacob?" I hissed at him, backing up slowly towards the bedroom door. _

"Well I came to get what is mine. Charlie gave you to me you see, so that makes you mine and you are going to come with me now." he said with his voice quiet, menacing.

"No Jacob... I am not property... I do not belong to anyone and I'm not going with you." I spoke angrily with a fire in my eyes.

"Enough. Let's go Izzy." Before I could even blink Jacob had me in his arms and we were flying out of the house and into a waiting car. I began to scream but it was abruptly cut off by his hand gripping my throat and squeezing until the blackness began to close in on me.

"Wake up Izzy." As the words hit my ears I felt a sharp pain in my side and opened my eyes to see Jacob standing above me. My hands and feet were tied, there was a gag of some sort in my mouth and I was naked and lying on the floor of what appeared to be some dingy motel.

"Alright you worthless whore." he spat at me. "Time to have a little bit of fun..." he sneered picking me up by my wrists and throwing me roughly onto the filthy bed. I looked around frantically, hoping for some form of escape but the only thing that caught my attention was the small video camera set up on the dresser facing the bed.

I tried to scream but with the gag it was no use, I couldn't make a sound. Suddenly Jacob was hovering over me and before I could react had slammed himself into me, pinning me down with his arms as he violated me repeatedly. As I had learned to do before I closed my eyes and tried to disappear into my own place, my safe place where this wasn't real, where nobody was trying to hurt me.

"Uh, uh." I heard him pant from above me.

"No way, this little show here is for your precious Cullens to show them exactly who you belong to." he was still panting and I tried harder to block him out before I felt the sharp sting and my eyes burst open to see the knife in his hand, blood dripping from the blade. I tried to wiggle and get away from him but I was unsuccessful as he continued to pound into me, slicing my skin repeatedly, the rusty smell of my blood penetrating the air.

When he was finally finished raping me he pulled out of me and left me on the bed in pain, unable to move, the pain from where he had held me and slammed me was excuciating. He yanked his pants on and stormed back over to the bed.

"Roll over." he demanded and grabbed my side, roughly turning me so that my back was to him. It was only second later that I felt the knife digging into my skin again and I bucked back against him trying to push him away. Unfortunately it only angered him and he used his other arm to pin me down while he continued his assault on my body.

"Mine." he growled after what felt like an eternity, the knife lifted from my skin and clattering to the floor.

He stood up and went over to the video camera, picking it up and taking it to the table in the corner where I saw a laptop waiting.

_Please no. _I begged silently, realizing that he was going to be putting this somewhere online.

"How about we send this to your precious Cullen family. See what they think about the little whore after they see this." he snarled and I felt my eyes grow wide at what he was doing.

I watched as he uploaded the video and then took their email addresses out of the blackberry that Edward had given me just before they had left me and I felt the tears streak down my face.

"Don't you start crying on me you little Bitch." he glared at me after he hit send and I watched as he flew at me, his hand hitting me hard and pushing me off the bed and back onto the floor. Jacob continued to take his anger out on me, not stopping until he was tired and then he collapsed on the bed and minutes later I heard him snoring loudly.

When I was sure that he was sound asleep I began to struggle against my restraints, trying to get free enough that I might be able to get away from him. I pushed my hands together and finally after bruising and hurting my wrists managed to get them free. It was only seconds after that that I had ripped the gag from my mouth and was untying my feet in a hurry.

I stood up as silently as I could and glanced around the room looking for something to throw over my body, settling on a dirty blanket that was on the ground beside the bed. Wrapping myself up I made my way painfully to the door, throwing the locks off and flinging it open just before I felt my head snap back and my body go flying across the room, hitting the wall on the other side.

"Well well well. Little Izzy thought she was going to leave did she?" he sneered at me and before I knew it my head was being pushed into the brick wall.

"Izzy. You're mine." he hissed hitting me one final time before I again welcomed the darkness that I thought was sure to finally bring my death.

Jacob moved us while I was passed out and the next time that I regained consciousness we were in what appeared to be a dark warehouse of sorts.

"Good. You're awake." he said the instant my eyes opened.

"It's time for your punishment for trying to leave me Izzy." I felt my skin crawl at the thought of what might be to come.

I didn't have time to react before he lifted my hands above my head with one of his hands and pulled my feet behind my back with the other, tying them together painfully as my muscles stretched and pulled, my shoulders burning with the awkward position.

Disappearing for only a second he reappeared and I felt the first sting of the whip hit me across my stomach, something on the end gripping and tearing my skin as it pulled across. The torture continued until finally I felt my eyes go black, my body shutting down from the pain.

The routine continued, we would go to a dingy motel or warehouse. He would beat me and rape me, video tape it and send it to the Cullens. I no longer tried to escape. There was no point. When he wasn't using me or hurting me he used wire-ties to fasten my arms and legs to various pieces of furniture, often keeping me like that while he tortured me on video.

"No Jacob... please no more." I begged him softly as I saw him approach me. I had lost track of how long I had been with him but figured that it had been somewhere around two weeks now. We were currently in a filthy motel room at the side of an old highway. I was lying on my back on the bed, my arms fastened to the headboard and my legs fastened to the end of the bed, spread eagle. Jacob was currently looming over me with his favorite torture tool, it was some sort of branding iron and he loved to leave small round marks all over my body, making me scream in agony.

"_Look Izzy, a new toy to play with." he sneered at me the day he had first bought it. I had just woken up to a new room, this time it appeared to be more of a shack than a motel and I was wire-tied to a pipe in the corner._

_I stared at the tool as I saw the red end come closer to me as I tried to back up, but there was nowhere to go._

"_Since the whip and the knife don't seem to wake you up any more I thought this would be more fun. I want to see you awake and not spaced out when I'm fucking you." I tried to ignore him, to push myself to my safe place. I squeezed my eyes shut until I felt the first hint of heat before the searing pain._

I kept trying to escape, to push it out of my mind the first few times he used it, but by now I knew that I couldn't block this pain. I tried every time I saw the device in his hand and every time the pain hit me hard as though it was the first time.

"Please Jacob... Please..." I begged as he pressed it into the soft flesh of my hip and I screamed as loud as I could, hoping that someone would hear me.

"Shut up Izzy." he warned deeply and I couldn't help but do the opposite. My next scream was louder and I was praying that he would finally just kill me.

The branding iron was on my stomach now and I screeched as I felt it burn the flesh, smelled the disgusting stench. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly waiting for his next attack against my skin but instead of feeling a new burn I felt a gust of cold air as I heard growls erupt from all around me and a set of stone arms pull me into them gently.

By the time I opened my eyes my hands and feet had been freed and I was wrapped in a blanket and curled protectively in Esme's arms. She had brought me out to a car and we were sitting in the backseat, away from the action, away from the loud screeching that was coming from the broken down motel.

"I thought you forgot me..." I whispered, my voice hoarse as I closed my eyes weakly again.

"I'm so sorry Bella, so... so sorry." she murmured and I felt her stroking my head gently.

A minute later I heard the car door open and felt a cool gust of air as Esme shifted slightly, as if to allow room for someone else.

"Is she alright?" his voice was low and soft and even in my state of semi-consciousness I knew the soft velvet sound and nothing had ever sounded better.


	9. Back to Normal?

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

_*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, possible smut later on.**_

***A/N: This chapter is a little bit longer, but I didn't want to split up any of it.**_**  
**_

"_Is she alright?" his voice was low and soft and even in my state of semi-consciousness I knew the soft velvet sound and nothing had ever sounded better._

The next time that I opened my eyes I was surprised to see that I was back in my room at the Cullen house which meant that my rescue hadn't been simply a dream. Rolling over onto my back I groaned as I felt all of my injuries pinch and pull, burn and sting.

"Are you alright Bella?" I jumped when I heard the voice from the other side of the bed, not realizing that I wasn't alone. Immediately my heart rate began to accelerate and flashbacks started to haunt my vision. Pushing with my feet I yanked the blankets up to my chin and pressed my back against the head board of the bed, squeezing my eyes shut in anticipation.

"Bella? It's alright Bella, I'm not going to hurt you." the velvety voice turned rough in my ears and I curled up into a ball, waiting for whatever torture he had for me.

"Get away from me. Don't touch me!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, keeping my eyes shut and my body curled up.

"Bella, open your eyes sweetie." I heard her soft voice and started to relax almost instantly. Slowly I felt my body stop shaking as she continued to sooth me gently and I peered through my eyes at her soft butterscotch colored ones.

"Are you alright sweetie?" she asked softly once I had calmed down and my body had relaxed a little bit more.

"I'm... I'm sorry." I choked out, the tears now beginning to fall.

Slowly as if to not startle me she came closer and I felt her stone arms envelop me in a strong embrace. I rested my head against her shoulder and let out all of my tears, all of my hurt and anger and relief and pain tied together.

"I'm sorry." I sniffled when I had cried all of my tears out.

"Bella dear, you have absolutely no reason to be sorry. It's us who are so sorry, so sorry that we weren't here to protect you from that... that monster." she said with anger and sadness mixed together.

"Bella, Carlisle wondered if he could come in and talk to you for a minute." Esme said calmly a few minutes later and although I didn't mean to I cringed back slightly.

"It's alright... but could... could you stay?" I asked her quietly and she squeezed my shoulders gently in reassurance.

"Bella," Carlisle said coming a few steps into the room and then stopping. "I'm going to come a little closer." he warned me and I nodded my head slightly to let him know that it was okay. When he got to the side of the bed he sat down in the chair that had been placed next to the bed and looked at me for a minute before speaking.

"How are you feeling Bella?" the question seemed innocent enough but I knew what he was really asking.

"Physically I'm really sore." I started and saw him nod his head as if he expected that. "My whole body hurts... my legs, my arms, my stomach, my back... everything just hurts." I whispered and as if to prove my point winced as I felt something pull in my lower back.

"I expected that." he said as he continued to nod his head. "When we got back here to the house Bella I stitched up all of your cuts and bandaged all of the burns. There were no broken bones but you are pretty banged up pretty much everywhere." he explained and I winced at the memories of all of the different ways that Jacob had tortured me.

"Is... is... where is Jacob?" I asked meekly, worried that the next time he showed up I wouldn't survive it.

"He's gone." Carlisle answered simply and even though I suspected that I knew what he meant, I felt like I needed it clarified.

"He's dead?" I asked feeling slightly nervous about the answer.

"Yes Bella." Carlisle answered and I let out the breath that I didn't realize that I'd been holding.

"Who killed him?" I felt kind of stupid asking, not wanting to relive the memory of that day but needing to know which one of them had done it.

"I did." his answer surprised me, Carlisle had always seemed to be the peacemaker of the family. I had expected him to tell me that Edward or Rosalie had done it, maybe even Emmett or Jasper. But learning that it was actually Carlisle caused something to swell inside of me, some loyalty on the fact that he had killed the person that had attacked me?

"I'm sorry that I've been so much trouble." I apologized as I looked down at my hands.

"No Bella, as Esme told you it's us that are so sorry. We promised you that you were safe with us and we weren't here to protect you. I can only hope that we can earn your trust back." Carlisle said, his face completely serious.

"How did you find me?" I felt like I had to know the answer to this question, to know that they had been looking the entire time that I had been tortured. Esme and Carlisle looked between each other and I felt the tension in the room increase as they silently debated between each other what to tell me.

After several seconds had ticked by Esme finally broke the silence, "The night that you were... taken... we had gone to head off the nomads so that they would stay away from the house, we weren't there for more than a few minutes when Edward told us that he had an odd feeling and felt like he needed to get back to you. When he got here he could smell... him... everywhere and knew at once that he had taken you so he called us and we all met back at the house here." she began and I tried not to wince at the memory of that night.

"When we arrived we attempted to track you by scent but both of your scents disappeared within a half a mile. We had come back to the house and were using some of our resources to try and find you when we were alerted that your cell phone had been turned on and we left immediately, going to the motel that the GPS had tracked it too. We were about halfway there when we all got the first email and seeing what he had done to you only pushed us all to get there faster." she paused and swallowed, retelling the story obviously difficult for her.

"When we got to that horrid place you were already gone and we were able to track you east for a while but again your scent and every trace of both of you completely disappeared. The pattern continued like this, we would get a lead to where you were and by the time we would get there you would be gone. The last lead we had was a vision that Alice had. Normally Alice can't see you and she also can never see the wolves, but something changed the day that we finally found you. We were headed in the right direction already when Alice froze and had her first vision of you, you were being restrained the way that we found you and you had cried out to her, asking her for help, you gave us the motel name and then you told her that you loved us all." I nodded, remembering doing that just before Jacob had come back in the room.

"So you were looking for me the entire time?" I asked in disbelief as the love and loyalty I had for this family grew immensely.

"We never stopped Bella, we couldn't stop. We love you too much." she said gently.

"Oh God!" I sighed at the realization. "You've all seen the videos? You all saw what _he_ did to me?" I felt my cheeks flush in anger, embarrassment and sympathy for what that must have put them through while I was with _him_.

"We all saw the first video dear. After that most of us couldn't take seeing it, seeing what you were going through so we didn't watch, only Carlisle and Edward saw the rest of them. I couldn't bare to see him hurt my daughter in that way." she was barely holding back her sobs so I reached out and pulled her into a hug, her icy arms the most secure feeling in the world.

"Thank you." I croaked out simply as we held each other in silence for a few minutes.

"There's one more thing that I think I need to tell you Bella." Carlisle was back to looking nervous and I mentally cringed, wondering what else he could possibly need to tell me.

"Bella, when you were at the hospital before, I ran some routine blood work. Included in that was a pregnancy test which at the time came back negative. Last night I re-ran the same blood work including a pregnancy test and unfortunately it has come back positive." he said and I felt my insides crush as I struggled to keep breathing.

"Breathe Bella." I heard Esme as her arm rubbed my shoulder encouragingly.

"No... I can't be pregnant." I gasped, my mind still spinning with what Carlisle had just told me.

"Bella..."

"No, please, get it out. I don't want it. Please just take it out of me." I begged as the tears began to creep down my cheek again and I felt as though I was going to throw up with the thought of carrying that monster's child.

"Bella, I understand why you feel that way but I do think that you need to think about it before we do anything permanent. We will honor any decision that you make, but please give it a few days so that you can make sure that you won't regret the decision." Carlisle said calmly, his face supportive and calm. I couldn't speak and instead just nodded my head while the tears continued to flow, not even bothering to wipe them away.

"Here Bella, why don't you take these. They'll help take some of the edge off the pain that you're in. You should also try and eat something... how much did he feed you while you were with him?" he asked me in a professional tone.

"He didn't... he let me have some water every day. I would sneak a bite or two of whatever he was eating if he fell asleep and didn't finish it, but that's all." I whispered trying to stifle the memories.

"I'll go down and get you some soup and a small sandwich." Esme said gently trying to smile softly.

"Edward would like to come in again now, is that alright?" Carlisle asked as Esme stood up and made her way towards the door.

"Yes, that's fine." I answered feeling ashamed for my reaction to him earlier. As Esme left and Edward came in Carlisle stood and shot Edward a warning look.

"Bella, just call for me if you need anything, I should be able to hear you from anywhere in the house." Carlisle said giving my shoulder a soft squeeze before turning and leaving me alone in the room with Edward.

"How are you feeling Bella?" he asked in a quiet voice as he sat down in the chair that had been previously occupied by Carlisle.

"Better. I'm sorry for freaking out when I woke up... it was just... I thought I was... I thought I was still with him." I apologized to him with my head down.

A few seconds later I felt his icy hand tangle together with mine and I instantly felt better, my body relaxing.

"Bella, I'll never be able to apologize enough for leaving you alone." he said and I looked into his eyes at the sadness hidden there.

"Edward don't. Please don't apologize for something that you had no control over. I'm back, he's gone, it's over and in the past. Please, I don't want to talk about it anymore right now." I begged, silently willing myself to push the memories away.

Nodding his head to acknowledge my wish I watched him as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed with me and pulled me close to him, resting my head against his chest. We sat holding each other for several minutes while I thought things through, my recent memories staying at the surface, the news of my pregnancy swirling around confusingly.

"Um... Edward?" I asked uncomfortably a few minutes later.

"Yes Bella?" he asked and I thought he sounded slightly worried.

"I um... need to use the washroom." I said quietly feeling myself flush as he released me from his grip. Shifting to the side of the bed I slowly stood up and began to take a few uneasy steps towards the washroom. I paused when I reached the doorway and looked back at him embarrassed, wondering how exactly to word my next question.

"Is something wrong Bella?" he asked when I still hadn't said anything.

"It's kind of silly but I was wondering if you could talk or sing or something while I'm in the washroom?" I looked down at my hands when I asked.

"If you'd like, but may I ask why?" he answered his gaze locked on my face.

"Um... well, the last time I used the washroom by myself I came out and he... he..." I couldn't finish my sentence before the tears began to flow again and I felt his arms pull me against his chest while he murmured soft reassurances into my hair.

"I'm sorry. It's silly." I sniffled letting go of him and making my way into the washroom.

"Bella, it's not silly at all." his voice sounded pained and after he had spoken he began to hum a soft melody, loud enough that I could hear him from within the large washroom.

"Thank you." I whispered when I was finished and had come out of the washroom to find him standing right where I had left him.

"Anything for you Bella." he said and I couldn't resist wrapping my arms around him and pulling myself closer to his body.

"Esme's going to bring your food up now," he said into my ear, his cool breath sending a shiver down my spine.

"Is it okay if I come downstairs to eat?" I asked nervously, biting my lip.

"Wherever you'd like." he smiled at me and squeezed me slightly tighter against his marble chest before I pulled back and assessed my current clothes. While I had been out of it someone had graciously dressed me in very loose black yoga pants and a loose pink tank top. I walked silently into the large closet and found a black hoodie that looked soft and comfortable so I quickly grabbed it and threw it on, trying to ignore the pain from the cuts and burns as my arms stretched out.

"There... now nobody has to see it." I muttered bitterly as I turned and headed downstairs.

Edward came with me down to the kitchen and sat with me while I tried to eat the soup and a few bites of my sandwich. Surprisingly I wasn't overly hungry and Edward didn't push me to eat any more than I felt that my stomach could handle. We didn't say much but Edward always seemed to be touching my body somewhere, probably feeling like me, like losing contact broke the strange connection that we seemed to be experiencing.

After I was finished I cleaned up after myself and Edward and I wandered down the hall to the living room, pausing in the doorway for a second before sitting down on the sofa. Drawing my legs up under myself I curled up into Edward's arm and he rubbed up and down my arm softly.

"Hey Bella." Rosalie smiled softly at me but the look in her eyes was wary, a brief thought that maybe something horrible had once happened to her flew through my mind before Emmett stormed into the room and caught her attention.

"What's wrong Em?" she squealed when he sat down and laid his head down in her lap, a giant pout forming on his face.

"Jazz cheated again." he whined and I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped my lips.

"Jasper! What did you do to Emmett this time?" Alice called out from her spot beside Rosalie.

"It's not my fault that he cries like a baby every single time we wrestle." Jasper came in through the door with a smirk on his face.

"You used your powers to make me cry... that's totally cheating!" Emmett whined again and I watched as Jasper just shrugged his shoulders.

"You cheated by using your strength so we're even." he was smug as he sat down beside Alice, pulling her into his lap and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Damn talented family." Emmett grumbled and Rosalie leaned down to peck his lips, effectively stifling him.

"How are you feeling Bella?" Rosalie asked cutting off a pout that was still coming out of Emmett's mouth.

"I'm okay..." I answered, cringing slightly at being asked how I am yet again.

"I kind of just want to get back to normal... I just want to put everything behind me." I said quietly, fidgeting with my hands, not even really sure if I could be normal.

"We're all back at school tomorrow... are you coming back as well Bella or do you want to stay here with Esme for a few days?" Alice asked and I considered both options carefully.

"Um... I think I want to go back to class... like I said... just get back to normal... at least as normal as I ever am." I answered and chewed relentlessly on my bottom lip.

"This might sound stupid but I don't even know what day it is." I laughed nervously at my admission as the others looked at me carefully.

"It's Sunday May 1st." Rosalie told me with a warm smile.

"17 days?" I asked in disbelief as I did the math in my head. Edward pulled me tighter against him in reassurance while Rosalie nodded grimly.

We sat around the living room like a bunch of normal teenagers, talking about school and fashion, video games, and Alice's idea of fun... a shopping trip for the following weekend. Before long I realized that the sun was beginning to set and I knew that if I was planning on returning to school the next day I had better get a decent night's sleep.

"I think I'd better get to bed in a little while." I whispered quietly to Edward and felt a number of eyes turn and look at me.

"Do you want something light to eat before you head up?" he asked and it dawned on me that I hadn't really eaten much all day since the soup and sandwich when I'd first woken up.

"I'm not really that hungry but I guess I should try and eat something light and try to build my appetite back up." I shrugged and stood up, heading towards the kitchen. When I got there I was surprised to see Esme putting together a small salad and pulling a piece of chicken out of the oven.

"I hope chicken salad is alright Bella... if you want to go back and sit down with the others I'll bring it in to you in just a few minutes." she smiled and I began to protest but Esme seemed to be enjoying herself too much for me to argue for long. Hanging my head in defeat I returned to the living room and the couch with Edward where I curled back up into his stony side to wait for my dinner.

"Edward, you need to hunt tonight if you are planning on returning to school in the morning." Alice said glaring at him as I tuned back into the conversation. For some reason I felt like she was only speaking out loud for my benefit.

"I'm fine for a few more days Alice." his said lowly, glaring right back at her.

"Edward... if you need to hunt, you'd better go." I told him looking into his dark eyes, not wanting to be the reason why he was neglecting his own needs.

"Everyone's going Edward and you need to go too." Alice said firmly and I felt my heart rate increase slightly at the realization that I would be left alone again.

"I'm staying. I went hunting this morning, Bella if you'd like we can do a kind of girls night." Rosalie smiled softly at me and I relaxed again at this knowledge.

As everyone continued on with plans about where they would be hunting and various other information about the return to school, Esme breezed in with a small tray, the chicken salad and a large glass of water waiting for me.

"Thank you." I smiled at her and shifted slightly so that I could eat easier. I ate most of the meal and drank the entire glass of water, feeling slightly over-full when I was finished. Standing I took my dishes back to the kitchen and washed them up, sensing Edward behind me the entire time.

"We're going to leave now, are you sure you're okay Bella?" Edward asked cautiously and I turned and smiled at him confidently.

"I'm fine Edward. You need to hunt and Rosalie's staying here with me..." I trailed off, biting my lip insecurely as I wondered whether I could ask him or not.

"What is it Bella?" He asked me coming closer and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I was just... you can say no... but I wondered if when you got back you could stay with me tonight... in my room." I was again whispering, even though I figured it didn't make much of a difference to the vampires in the house, it felt more private.

"Of course Bella." he was smiling my favorite crooked grin when I turned around and pressed my head into his chest before releasing him.

"Okay... now go!" I commanded leaning back against the counter.

He was gone in an instant and I sighed at the sudden feeling of emptiness that engulfed me in his absence. Slowly I made my way out of the kitchen and informed Rosalie that I was going to go shower upstairs, she followed me up and sat down on the bed in my room, waiting quietly while I showered and changed into some soft pajamas, finally coming in and sitting Indian style across from her.

"Thanks for keeping me company tonight Rosalie... I don't think I could have handled being here by myself yet." I spoke in a quiet voice, my eyes glued to my lap.

"Bella, I wanted to let you know that we consider you a part of our family... all of us feel that way and we are so glad that you are back with us now." Rosalie smiled and came around behind me, grabbing my hair brush and gently pulling it through my damp tangles.

"Thanks Rosalie... that means a lot to me." I felt tired and the talk of family made me feel choked up.

Rosalie finished brushing my hair, pulling it into a loose braid and tying it off before coming around and sitting across from me again.

"Bella, are you really okay?" Rosalie asked a few minutes later, her eyes were laced with concern and as she looked at me I felt like she knew already that I wasn't.

"I... I'm not sure..." I sputtered, trying to organize my own thoughts and feelings.

"I know it's hard and I know it's not something that you necessarily want to relive by talking about it, but it does help to get it out." she smiled encouragingly at me and I knew in that moment that she wouldn't force me to talk but she was offering me a person to talk to who knew what I was going through.

"I... I don't even know where to start..." I felt the first tear trickle down my face and Rosalie reached over and brought the Kleenex box to the bed, setting it down between us.

"I guess, I'm just confused more than anything. Since my mom and Phil died everything has changed so much... first Charlie... then Jacob... and now I'm here with you guys and I'm not sure if I fit here or how long I'll even be here... or what's going to happen next. And on top of everything else I'm pregnant and I hate that and at first all that I wanted was to get rid of it, but now... a part of me is fighting against that and I don't know what to do anymore." my thoughts were a jumbled mess and as I spoke I felt Rosalie take my hand in hers.

"I know you don't know our family that well yet Bella, but I hope that you know that you are already a part of the family. None of us wants you to ever feel like you have to leave or that you aren't welcome here. I know that what happened with Charlie and Jacob is going to take time to work through, but I also know that we all want to help you... my brother especially. As for being pregnant, you have time Bella. You don't have to make a decision right this second and I hope that you will think about it. We would all give anything to be able to have children, but we also understand if you decide that having the baby is something that you aren't ready for." she said smiling and I felt slightly better, my thoughts slightly more sorted out.

"You understand how I'm feeling about Charlie and Jacob right now, don't you?" I asked nervously and I saw the sadness fill her beautiful features.

"In a way yes I do Bella. When I was still human I was attacked by my Fiancé and several of his friends. They all took their turns raping me and then beat me, leaving me in the street nearly dead. That's when Carlisle found me and brought me back to his home, changing me." she gave me a brief summary of her story and I felt my heart break at the longing in her voice, the sadness and anger at what had been taken from her.

"Rosalie, I'm really scared." I admitted shyly, biting so hard on my lip that I almost broke the skin.

"What if I'm so damaged that I'll never be normal, what if I make the wrong decision now, what if I'm in love with someone that I barely know and he rejects me or changes and acts like _them_, what if I'll never be good enough, worthy enough." I let me fears escape my lips and regretted it for an instant before Rosalie spoke.

"Bella, you aren't damaged at all. You have been through so much, things that would have killed others have only made you stronger. You are the strongest person that I've ever met and I know that everyone else feels the same way. As for Edward Bella, he loves you more than you probably realize. He has become an entirely different person since you came into his life, we've all seen how you two are connected beyond some human crush. Up until recently I never would have believed that a vampire could mate with a human and have the same strong connection that mated vampires feel but I actually think your and Edward's connection is stronger. We see it when you touch and you both instantly relax, I can see the way you absently rub your chest, the pain of him not being near affecting you as much as it does when Emmett and I are separated. I know you are confused about Edward and about your pregnancy, but the best thing that you can do is give it time Bells, just think things through and don't rush anything." she smiled as she finished talking and I reached out to her, hugging her fiercely as I realized that this person who from a distance I had seen as a blond super-model was not only beautiful outside but inside as well.

"Can I ask a question Rose?" I was wondering something and didn't know if it would sound ridiculous to her.

"Anything," she replied and I sat back thoughtfully.

"Can you hear the baby's heartbeat?" I whispered so quietly that it was barely audible to me.

"Not yet, we won't be able to hear it for a couple more weeks... but we can sense that something is different. Your blood is actually thicker and flows differently in your body, it also smells just slightly different." She answered me and in that instant I made my decision.

"I'm having a baby, aren't I?" I felt the tears drip down my cheek again as I realized that I couldn't blame an innocent child for it's parentage. Rosalie didn't answer me, instead I was once again wrapped up in her embrace as she rocked me gently and I let the tears flow free until I was exhausted and felt myself slipping into the easy peacefulness of sleep.


	10. One Week

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

_*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, possible smut later on.**_

***A/N: This is another longer chapter as the next one will also be, I wanted to get these two done and out of the way quickly. Thank you to all for the kind reviews so far, I hope that this story will continue to live up to your expectations and that nobody hates me for some of the things that are to come.**

* * *

"_**I'm having a baby, aren't I?" I felt the tears drip down my cheek again as I realized that I couldn't blame an innocent child for it's parentage. Rosalie didn't answer me, instead I was once again wrapped up in her embrace as she rocked me gently and I let the tears flow free until I was exhausted and felt myself slipping into the easy peacefulness of sleep. **_

_I was in the old rocking chair, sitting in the corner of my bedroom at Charlie's house, in my arms was a tiny bundle swaddled in a yellow blanket. _

"_Bella, get your lazy ass down here and make me dinner!" I heard his bellowing voice and cringed back in my chair. _

_"No! Don't touch me!" I screamed as loud as I could and when I looked down I saw that the tiny bundle had disappeared from my arms. Seconds later I felt the searing pain in my arm as Charlie ripped me out of the chair and pulled me to a standing position in front of him, hands held firmly behind my back._

"_You're mine." Jacob hissed as his eyes drank me in from head to toe and I felt the familiar dirtiness that accompanied being in his presence. _

"_No! No! No! Please No!" I screamed again and his hot hands ripped my shirt off my body, his fingers pinching and hurting, scratching and clawing. _

"_Isabella Marie Swan... you will never be free of me... you will always be mine! MINE" he growled at me and I felt him rake his long wolf claws over my body, the pain searing and my cries of agony drowning out all other sounds._

"Bella, wake up Bella." the velvety voice was almost within reach and I wanted to reach out and grab it as Charlie kept me pinned down while Jacob continued to violate me.

"Bella. Wake up sweetheart." again I heard the velvet but this time it was closer, I closed my eyes as tightly as I could, silently praying that he would save me.

"Bella, it's alright Bella, I'm here with you." the voice was soothing and was so close now, I opened my eyes and jumped slightly at his face that was leaning down over me.

"Edward?" I squeaked out, my voice feeling dry and hoarse.

"I'm here Bella, you're safe." he continued to soothe as I threw my arms around his neck as though he were a life preserver, not wanting to let go for fear that I would drown back into my dream. I buried my face in his neck, enjoying his scent and as was becoming normal for me cried fiercely as I tried to let go of the awful dream.

"I'm sorry that I'm such a mess." I mumbled as I wiped my cheeks with the back of my sleeve and tried to pull myself together. I noted that at least it was morning, the sun was already beginning to shine through the window and when I glanced at the alarm clock saw that it was already 6:30.

"Do you want to talk about your dream at all Bella?" Edward asked cautiously and I tried to smile at him to let him know that I was fine.

"Not really," I answered and sat up in the bed so that I was facing him.

"Esme's in the kitchen making you breakfast... she says that it will be ready in 20 minutes if you want to get dressed and meet us downstairs." Edward chuckled and shook his head as he relayed her message to me.

"Thank you Esme." I spoke in my normal voice but knew that she would hear me.

"Edward?" I asked and when he looked at me, I surprised even myself by leaning over to him and kissing him chastely on the lips before standing and heading towards the bathroom. "Thanks for coming in last night." I whispered as I closed the door, leaving Edward staring after me from his position on my bed.

I quickly cleaned myself up and completed my human tasks in the washroom and then peeked into my room to make sure it was clear before I slid out of the door and headed towards the massive closet. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the outfit hanging on the door with a note attached.

**I hope this is okay Bella, but I thought I'd help you pick out some clothes for today. The jeans are a super soft stretch cotton, they feel like wearing yoga pants and are loose enough that they won't rub funny and hurt. The shirt is a soft cotton that I made sure wouldn't rub against your cuts and burns, it's long sleeved and has that darn hood that you love so much. Stylish yet comfy... we meet in the middle.**

**Love Alice**

I read the note twice and I laughed as I began to dress in the outfit that my new sister had chosen, surprised when everything was just as comfortable as she had said while still covering all of my scars and injuries.

"Mmm, that smells amazing Esme." I smiled at her as I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen.

"I hope you like French Toast dear," she said as she placed the plate down at the breakfast bar and I sat on one of the six tall stools, only wincing slightly at the pulling my body made.

"This is amazing!" I said after my first bite practically melted in my mouth. Esme finished tidying up her cooking space while I ate and I noticed that Edward had come in and sat down beside me.

"Where is everyone else?" I asked absently as I continued to eat, a little slower now.

"We're right here." Alice chimed as she floated through the room towards me, handing me a brand new backpack that felt as though it was probably filled with brand new school supplies.

"Thanks Alice." I smiled as I took the bag and saw her smile smugly at something before she took off, dragging Jasper behind her.

"Rose and Emmett?" I asked curiously.

"They are finishing up some things... upstairs... in their room..." Edward explained and I didn't need to be a mind reader to know what he was referring to.

It felt like only minutes later that we were in Edward's Volvo on our way to school, Alice jabbering on from the backseat to Jasper and Emmett and Rosalie following behind us in Emmett's Jeep.

"Are you sure you'll be okay today? If it's too soon we can turn around and go back to the house... I know you're uncomfortable and in pain." Edward asked me, our hands joined together as he dropped me off at my first period class.

"I'll be fine Edward." I tried to smile and hide my nervousness at being back here. I felt as though I was a completely different person from the last time I had been in the school.

"If it gets to be too much or you're in too much pain just come and find me. Carlisle spoke to the school this morning and your teachers have been instructed to let you leave if you need to." his face was serious and I was grateful for his concern.

"I'll be fine Edward." I assured him and leaned up towards his face, meeting his lips in a soft peck before I released his hand and walked forward into my classroom.

Thankfully the morning went by without any major incidences and when lunch came around I was actually beginning to feel more normal, more myself. Edward met me outside of my class and we walked hand in hand towards the cafeteria, sitting down at the usual "Cullen" table with the rest of my new family.

"Thanks for lunch." I said as I picked up the slice of pizza that Alice pushed in front of me as soon as I sat.

"I told you today was going to be easy." Alice told me smugly while I rolled my eyes at her.

"Oh Yay!" Alice squealed excitedly a minute later and I dropped my water bottle in surprise, the water sloshing down the front of my top.

"Oops, sorry Bella!" she said sheepishly and I smiled my forgiveness at her.

"So... what was that all about Al?" Rosalie asked and I saw Edward's lips form his famous crooked smile.

"Thunderstorm on Saturday!" she was practically vibrating happiness in her seat.

"Okay... is there something about va... you guys in thunderstorms that I should know about?" I asked feeling a little left out as I watched everyone else's faces turn up into excited smiles.

"Baseball. We play baseball when it storms... it's really the only time that we can play. You'll love it Bella! You can be our umpire!" she was talking so fast I could barely catch what she was saying and I looked around the table in disbelief.

"Baseball?" I questioned settling my eyes on Edward's face.

"It IS the American past-time." he replied and I shook my head with a laugh.

"I'll meet you in Biology, I need to use the washroom before class." I told him standing up and grabbing my bag, slinging it over my shoulder and wincing as it made contact with several of my cuts and burns.

"If it isn't Isabella Swan..." I heard the sing song tone to the voice and turned my head towards the door to the girls washroom to see Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory staring at me maliciously.

"Hey guys," I tried to keep my tone friendly and upbeat but I could feel my own fear beginning to build up already.

"So we can't help but notice how now that you're back you're still too good for us... do you really think that you're good enough to sit with the Cullens though?" Lauren asked in a cool voice, a smirk plastered on her face as they both stepped further into the small room, pinning me back against the wall.

"I've got to get to class." Enough with friendly Bella, I knew that I had to get out of there now, I was starting to panic, my chest beginning to constrict.

"I don't think so, I mean, did you really think that you would get away without being punished for those lies that you told about my boyfriend Mike?" Jessica sneered at me, stopping me from passing them with her arm.

"Jessica, let me through." I demanded through clenched teeth, my breathing heavy and a strong feeling of claustrophobia settling in.

"No, it's time to pay." Lauren answered for her. I watched as her fist pulled back but before she could swing it towards me a pale white hand grabbed hers and Rosalie's icy voice spoke.

"You weren't going to hit our sister were you?" even I was chilled as Rosalie's words laced with venom hit the room and she was suddenly beside me, holding me under her arm.

"N... No... we were just... talking..." Jessica stuttered, the fear evident in her voice and her eyes.

"If I ever see either of you anywhere near our family, our sister, again I will hunt you down and kill you both." Rosalie's voice was not forgiving and I stared in shock at the small puddle that appeared at Lauren's feet.

"Come on Bella," Rosalie lead me out, Alice following behind after she released Lauren's fist. No sooner was the door open then I was in Edward's arms, his stony embrace pulling me protectively against him.

"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly, inspecting me for any sign of injury.

"I'm fine... I wasn't expecting that." I said to him once I had calmed down. "Let's get to class, we're already late." I said with a smile, squeezing his hand and pulling him down the hallway.

"Oh... and Rose, Alice... thank you!" I called behind me and they both turned and smiled back at me.

When we got to Biology we snuck into class, Edward offering a silent apology to Mr. Banner as we took our seats and began to look over the paperwork for the lab we were about to complete. We had just begun to complete the work when the door opened again and a flushed Jessica and Lauren walked in, Lauren wearing her gym shorts instead of the jeans she had been wearing earlier this morning.

"Ladies... have a seat, you can stay after class and explain why you are so late." Mr. Banner's voice was angry and frustrated, Lauren's embarrassed flush growing even wider at his command. I couldn't help the quiet snicker that formed as I remembered the look on their faces at Rose and Alice threatening them.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked as we continued to work.

"Nothing really... just remembered seeing a couple of girls so terrified of my sisters that one of them wet her pants." I giggled again and earned a glare from the two of them that only made me laugh harder.

The rest of the day flew by quickly, no more incidences and I was left alone by most of the student population. I had fallen slightly behind in most of my classes and had a bag full of homework to catch up on over the weekend.

That night when we arrived back at home I was so tired that I felt my eyes begin to droop at the dinner table and excused myself as soon as I had eaten enough to go to bed. Edward came with me, his eyes watching me as I curled up onto the bed and closed my eyes, sleep coming instantly.

_I was alone in the forest. _

"_There you are, you little bitch!" Charlie's voice came out of nowhere and I pulled my arms protectively across my large stomach, trying to step back as he came closer. _

"_No Charlie! Leave me alone!" I screamed at him and felt a pair of hot hands grab me from behind. _

"_That's my baby." The hands holding me from behind whispered and I heard Charlie chuckle menacingly. _

"_He won't want you now." Charlie's voice taunted as he came towards me and I felt myself try to jerk away from him._

"_I love Edward. He loves me." I was crying now and looking around frantically, waiting for him to show up and rescue me. _

"_I could never love you Bella... look at the thing that you are carrying." Suddenly the child was in my arms and I gasped as it phased right then into a small wolf, growling and snapping at Edward. _

"_Edward no! Please!" I begged him as he walked towards me, holding my arms securely and nodding at Charlie and Jacob as the rest of the Cullen's formed a circle around me, watching, taunting. _

"_You'll pay for screwing with me Bella." Charlie threatened me just before he attacked._

"Bella, wake up Bella." I felt the cool hands gently shaking me gently and blinked my eyes open several times before focusing on his face leaning down above me. A jolt of panic ran through me as I heard a whisper of a reminder from my dream. I could hear them laughing at me, all of them.

"No... get away from me! Don't touch me!" I screamed and pushed myself up and off the bed quickly, feeling the aches in my body pull as I struggled to get away from him.

"It's alright Bella, it's just me, I'm not going to hurt you!" he tried to assure me but I was past the point of reasoning as I curled into a ball in the corner of the room, screaming at him to get out and to leave me alone.

"Bella, open your eyes sweetie." I could hear Esme's soft voice but couldn't bring myself to listen and open my eyes. When her hand landed on my shoulder, rubbing up and down my arm briefly I cringed back as I decided what I needed to do.

"Open your eyes Bella." Her pleas were slightly more urgent now and as I felt her cold hand touch my cheek I let loose a blood curdling scream before darting away from her blindly, curling in on myself as I felt my body corner itself protectively between the wall and desk.

"She's in an incredible amount of pain and she doesn't trust us... she feels betrayed." I could hear Jasper's voice in the background and felt something try and calm me down, floating around me before I let out another high-pitched scream and threw it back from where it came.

"Jasper!" I could hear Alice's shrill voice in the background calling out to him but I couldn't focus past the feeling of being crowded. There were too many in the room, too many around me.

"Bella." His voice startled me and I almost opened my eyes then.

"Bella, I need you to open your eyes and look around. We aren't going to hurt you Bella." The voice was strong and persuasive, but I could hear the current of sadness running beneath it.

"N... n... no." I stuttered feeling my strength begin to fade quickly.

"Bella. Look at me." My eyes snapped open then and I found myself staring face to face with Edward, Carlisle kneeling to his left as they both watched me for a minute while I took in the room around me. Rosalie and Emmett were standing by the corner of the room, Rosalie holding onto Esme as she fought to control her sobs. Alice was on the floor behind Carlisle and Edward, holding Jasper in her lap as he struggled to get back up.

"Are you back now Bella?" Carlisle asked calmly, no one daring to move any closer to me.

"I'm... I'm... I'm so sorry." I buried my head in my hands and began to cry with the realization of what had just happened.

"Ssh, it's alright Bella." Rosalie and Esme were beside me in an instant, both of them holding me while I cried. When my tears had dried up I looked around the room and saw that Alice, Jasper and Carlisle had left the room and Edward was sitting on my bed, looking completely lost.

Struggling to stand up I looked at the two women who were still beside me and gave them a look that they knew meant I wanted to talk to Edward and they left the room silently.

"I'm sorry Edward... I just had a nightmare. And when I woke up and you were right there... it was like I was still in the dream." I tried to explain to him but even I knew it sounded lame.

"What was your dream about?" he pressed me as I approached the bed and sat down on his bed, curling instinctively into his chest. I felt him breath in my scent as he stroked me head gently, waiting patiently for my reply.

"It was about Jake... and Charlie... and... and you all were there but you didn't want me." I kept my explanation brief, not wanting to share every detail yet.

"You know that's not true, that we'll always want you right?" Edward asked me and I nodded my head in confirmation before answering completely.

"I know, I just... the dream was so real and it all made sense at the time. I'm so sorry for the way I acted, for the way that I treated you all." I spoke quickly and felt my cheeks begin to flush in embarrassment.

"It's alright Bella, we're just glad you're okay. You had us all worried there for a minute when you wouldn't come out of it... and then when he had Jasper immobilized on the floor we didn't know what was going on." he smiled tightly and I looked at him in confusion.

"What did I do to Jasper?" I asked him curiously.

"Jasper was trying to calm you down, he shot you with a cocktail of emotions, hoping to get something through to calm you enough to reason with us. But he explains it as though you gathered it all into a ball and threw it all back at him at once. You had him completely knocked out for a minute." Edward explained and I felt a sudden burst of pride at whatever had caused that. Jasper was by far the scariest vampire in the house and the fact that I had brought him down caused a small smile to play on my lips.

"Are you alright though Bella?" he asked a minute later and I nodded my head.

We sat like that for a while more before I pulled myself up and away, explaining that I wanted to talk to everyone, apologize to them all. Everyone was understanding and Emmett was beyond enthusiastic that I had somehow managed to bring Jasper down and before long we were back in the car, headed to face another day of school.

Thankfully the re was a lack of drama that day at school that continued throughout the rest of the week. I still had nightmares every night and still pulled away from Edward in the mornings, but at least none of the dreams involved any of my new family after that first night. Edward was understanding and let me have my space when I needed it, always ready when I was to come back to him. When Friday finally came around I sighed in relief as I sat through my classes, thankful to have the weekend to relax. At the end of the day however, I was surprised to see Alice and Rose waiting in the Volvo, Alice in the driver's seat, and Emmett and Jasper in the Jeep.

"Alice..." Edward's voice was warning as we got close to the car.

"Don't fight me Edward, you know I'll win. You go get the movie and the baseball gear with Em and Jazz and we're going to pick up a few things and meet you at the house." she smiled sweetly and I laughed at Edward's exasperation.

"Come on Bella!" Alice chimed and Edward gave me a quick kiss before I climbed in the backseat, watching him as he hopped into the jeep, standing in the back as Emmett squealed out of the parking lot.

I didn't realize what Alice's idea of picking up a few things was until we were already at the mall in Olympia, just under an hour later and she was moving at a very fast human pace throughout all of her favorite stores.

Two hours later and we were on our way back to the Cullen house, the trunk loaded full of bags, mostly things for me, clothes, a new laptop, another new cell phone, and various other things that she insisted that I needed no matter how much I refused.

When we got in the car I laid my head against the window and closed my eyes. I must have been more tired than I realized because I missed the entire drive home between Olympia and Forks, only waking up when I felt a set of stone arms pick me up and carry me into the house.

"Bella? Alice what happened? What's wrong with her?" I heard Edward's panicked voice and I forced my eyes to open into the bright rooms.

"Nothing is wrong with Bella Edward, relax, she's just tired, Alice had her going all over the mall." Edward's face came into my view and I smiled lazily at him.

"Hey." I said groggily as Rosalie set me down on my feet and held me steady myself while I adjusted.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let Alice take you tonight." he apologized and I laughed.

"Relax Edward, I had fun, it was nice to have some girl time." I stretched slightly and then took his hand as we walked towards the kitchen. "I'm just going to make something quick to eat." I explained and then stopped as I turned the corner and saw the plate and glass sitting waiting for me, a smile on Esme's face.

"I'm sorry dear, I just love having someone to cook for." she looked sheepish and I ran over to her giving her a hug and saying thank you before sitting down to eat it.

I was halfway through my meal when I heard a foot tapping impatiently behind me and turned to see Alice standing there, arms crossed over her chest.

"What is it Alice?" I asked as I continued to eat my dinner.

"Come on... we're all waiting for you so that we can watch the movie the boys got." she whined at me and I felt the anger bubble up inside my chest.

"You know Alice... it's extremely impolite to treat people like that. I am new to this house and the only one without super crazy vampire senses and abilities to know what is going on in the rest of this house. So don't you dare sit there and whine at me as if I'm the bad guy when I didn't even know that there was something going on." I snapped and then went back to my food as I watched the look of shock take up residence on her face.

"I'm sorry Bella... I didn't mean..." she looked unsure and I wondered for a minute if anyone had ever stood up to her before.

"Look Alice, it's okay... just have a little respect okay?" I said a little nicer, a small smile forming on my face. I finished my dinner a little quicker and threw my dishes in the dishwasher before joining everyone in the family room.

"Way to go Bella!" I was greeted as I wandered into the room, sitting down in the empty spot beside Edward. I looked at Emmett curiously, wondering what I deserved this praise for.

"No one has ever been able to stand up to Alice the way that you did! That was awesome!" Emmett clarified loudly and I heard the loud snap as Rose's hand connected with the back of his head.

"Ow!" he said rubbing it tenderly.

Jasper stood up and walked over to the entertainment cabinet, pulling out a DVD and putting it into the tray while I looked around the room at the rest of the family.

Edward and I were seated together on the Sofa in front of the great glass wall while Alice and Jasper had occupied the sofa across from us. In the middle of the floor Emmett and Rosalie were laying down, Rose's back to Emmett's front. Carlisle and Esme were seated on the love seat at the back of the room and I couldn't help but to see the love that almost radiated between them.

"It's been months since we've done a family movie night!" Alice sang as Jasper sat back down, skipping through the previews and to the movie's main menu. "And what better way to celebrate the end of our first week back to school!" she exclaimed and we all laughed at that, all of us obviously relieved at the lack of drama this week.

I didn't watch much of the movie, I was curled into Edward's side as he stroked my arm with his long and slender fingers and I was just enjoying living in the family dynamic as the movie continued on, watching how everyone interacted together. I enjoyed watching each couple as they were all focused on the movie, noting how obviously affectionate Emmett and Rosalie were, unable to keep their hands off of each other. Alice and Jasper were more subtle but I think it made their connection seem even deeper, they seemed to know each other better than themselves. Esme and Carlisle's relationship seemed to be a combination somewhere between Emmett and Rose and Alice and Jasper. While Carlisle would brush a strand of hair out of her eyes he would whisper something unknown in her ear and she would beam back at him, clutching his hand. I had never seen any more perfectly matched couples in my life and here were three in the same room as me. I looked back at Edward and felt almost inadequate, these supernatural beings were all around me and in love, and here I was a mere human... thinking that I could possibly be that way with Edward.

The movie was still going when I felt Edward stiffen slightly, shifting and looking towards Carlisle as if questioning him about something.

"Is something wrong?" I asked as I watched the other heads turn towards us, surprise written on their faces.

"Is that what I think it is Carlisle?" Edward's voice was soft and concerned and I looked between the two men, wondering what they were talking about.

"I think so Edward." he replied looking at me with his head cocked slightly as though focused on something... just then it clicked into place.

"Is it the baby? Can you hear it or something?" I asked as I clued in to what it seemed the entire room was now doing. I looked back at Edward and he looked unsure as to whether or not to answer me.

"Yes Bella, we can hear the baby's heartbeat now... it's getting rapidly stronger." Rosalie answered when the silence was beginning to drag. I couldn't help the small smile that formed on my lips at her reply but it faded quickly when I realized that everyone else's faces were filled with concern.

"Is there something wrong with it?" I asked again and again the silence dragged until Carlisle finally answered.

"It's fine Bella, it's just a little quicker than normal and we weren't really expecting it at all yet to be honest." he answered me and I breathed out a small sigh of relief.

"What would make it faster than normal?" I asked him, unsure of whether or not I really wanted to know the answer to that question.

"I think Bella, that it's faster than normal because it may be part wolf." he spoke the words slowly and my heart felt crushed again as I felt the weight of his words on me. Why hadn't I though of this before, how could I have a child that was a wolf... that would hate the vampires that were helping me – that were my family.

"It's alright Bella, just breath. Everything is going to be okay. We'll get you in to the hospital and do an ultrasound this week, Dr. White owes me a favor and we'll check and make sure the baby is fine." Carlisle tried to reassure me but I couldn't help but think about what would happen if the baby was part werewolf... where would that leave us, leave me?

The movie had now been forgotten, the tension in the room thick as we all sat in silence and pretended to watch until the end.

"Next movie is my choice! We need a little humor!" Emmett's voice was booming as he pulled another DVD out from the cupboard and put it in the player. I had no doubt that it would be some ridiculously stupid comedy but I couldn't help but want to lighten the mood.

"I'm just going to go up and use the washroom and throw some pajamas on. I'll be back in a few minutes." I said stretching and standing up. I made my way upstairs and did my business in the bathroom, stripping my clothes off and throwing them in the hamper before assessing my body in the mirror. Up until now I had mostly avoided my reflection, but I was curious to see what I looked like so I looked over every inch of my body, frowning in disgust at the marks that had left me looking like a scarred freak.

When I turned around to look at my back I gasped slightly in shock at the word that was carved repeatedly into my back... _**MINE.**_ Nobody had told me what it had said before and I had never asked, and now that I knew I wish I didn't.

I turned back around and my hand reflexively rested on my belly, a slight surprise forming again as a gasp as I saw the slight roundness that shouldn't be there yet between my hips.


	11. Unexpected Delivery

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, possible smut later on.**

_**I turned back around and my hand reflexively rested on my belly, a slight surprise forming again as a gasp as I saw the slight roundness that shouldn't be there yet between my hips. **_

I rubbed my hand up and down my belly, pressing slightly, surprised at the hardness under my fingers. After a minute I threw on the sweat pants and tank top that I had been planning on wearing as pajamas and left the bathroom, walking into my room and surprised to see both Carlisle and Edward waiting for me.

"We came when we heard your gasps, we wanted to make sure that you are alright." Edward explained and I shook my head gently, not really surprised at their over-protectiveness.

"I was going to call you up here anyways..." I started to explain, taking a deep breath.

"The first time I gasped was because I actually looked at myself in the mirror... I haven't really done that since I lived with Charlie still... I was surprised at the words in my back." I shivered at the thought of them and saw them both frown slightly, a low growl erupting from Edward before he could stop himself.

"The second time that I was surprised was because I looked at my stomach and was shocked at how round and hard it is... I wasn't expecting this to happen yet." I said and lifted my shirt slightly so that they could see my belly.

Carlisle motioned for me to lay down on the bed and I did as I was told, leaving my shirt up enough that my belly was still visible. He came over and pressed gently on the bump, seeming as though he was measuring it for a minute.

"Bella, you're right, you appear to be much further along then the hormone levels in the blood work indicated. We can also hear the heartbeat clearly which doesn't add up either and it seems as though it's developing extremely fast. I don't think that there is anything necessarily wrong but I'm going to try and get a portable ultrasound machine here as soon as possible and I want to track your progress more regularly now." he told me out loud and I pulled my shirt back down and sat up.

"I'm really sorry to be so much trouble." I apologized again, my head down as Carlisle made his way out of the room.

"Bella, we consider you a part of our family, please stop thinking of yourself as anything but." Carlisle said turning to me with a smile before he continued back out of the room.

"He's right Bella, I know that you haven't been here long but we all love you." he said and I felt my heart stutter as he said those words.

"Bella... I... I..." he began to speak but decided to stop, looking down at his hands.

"Edward, what is it?" I asked him gently.

"Bella, I know that you don't know me and I shouldn't say anything now after everything that's happened... I know that it's soon for you... but I love you." he sputtered out and I felt the first tear trickle down my cheek at his words. When he saw it his face turned impossibly paler and he looked panic-stricken.

"Edward, I know that I shouldn't feel like this but I love you too. I was scared at first that I would be too damaged to ever be able to say that... that you wouldn't want me because I'm used and dirty and broken. I never thought I'd be able to feel this way after what they did, but I love you Edward." I spoke softly, the words barely louder than a whisper, Edward's eyes lighting up as he looked at my face in wonder before he pulled me into his arms holding me as tight as he dared without hurting me.

"Come on, let's go watch Emmett's movie before he storms in here and carries us both downstairs." Edward sighed a few minutes later and I giggled as he picked me up, swinging me playfully onto his back and carrying me downstairs at a human pace into the living room.

When we re-joined the group everyone was in the same positions as before we had left and they were all waiting patiently – aside from Emmett – as we arrived, before pushing play on the movie. Just as I had predicted, the humor that Emmett enjoyed was fairly stupid and pointless but it worked to lighten the mood of the room as we all laughed at the silliness. When the movie was over Edward picked me up and carried me up to my bed, tucking me securely in place before climbing on top of the blankets and wrapping his arms around me.

"I love you Bella." he whispered into my ear before he began to hum the melody that was becoming more familiar the more he hummed and I began to drift off to sleep after murmuring a brief _I love you too._

I didn't have nightmares that night and woke up late in the morning, the sky dark and brooding.

"Yay! You're awake!" I had barely opened my eyes when Alice danced into the room causing me to glare at her and a low growl to sound from deep within Edward's chest.

"Bella, I laid your outfit out on the back of the bathroom door. Come on, Esme's getting you breakfast and then we can go to the baseball clearing!" She sang and danced back out, completely ignoring both of our death stares.

"So... baseball I guess?" I asked unsure and Edward nodded his head slowly.

"Guess I'd better get ready before the evil little pixie invades again." I grumbled crawling out of bed and heading into the bathroom.

Once _the human_ as they referred to me as was finally ready we all headed out to the clearing that Emmett told me was just for baseball... and football... and soccer... and well, any sport really. Alice had been accurate about the weather, the storm hitting the town, thunder and lightning all around us, but we stayed dry as the most interesting game I'd ever seen played out. This was really the first time that they all dropped the human facade around me and I watched in amazement as the ball flew invisibly around the field, the vampires themselves just blurs as they moved. By the time the game was done I was exhausted from just trying to keep up with everybody.

When we got back to the Cullen house the rest of the day was spent with everyone involved in their own quiet activities, Edward threw a movie on while I made myself some Pasta and ate it quietly. Rosalie and Emmett disappeared to the garage to work on Rosalie's car. Alice and Jasper were in their room and I could barely hear Jasper playing his guitar while Alice sang softly. Esme was flitting around the house, tidying, dusting, humming the same melody that Alice was singing and Carlisle had to go in to the hospital for work. It was normal and I felt completely at home just being. I didn't even realized it when I fell asleep on the sofa.

_I was running through the forest. Jacob was chasing me in wolf form, jumping at me, trying to knock me down._

_Suddenly I hit a wall and couldn't go any further but before Jacob could pounce on me I felt something rip through my stomach, tearing out onto the ground in front of me. The child morphed from a newborn to a small child and then suddenly there was a large black wolf standing in it's place, growling and snarling at me. _

_I turned to run and saw that the invisible wall was now a mirror and in my reflection I saw myself... but I was different... my skin pale and my eyes golden... I was a vampire. _

I bolted upright in bed and could feel the beads of sweat on my forehead as I searched the room for the stone arms I had fallen asleep in.

When I realized that I was alone a cold shiver ran down my spine and I shook my head, trying to shake off the nightmare. I pulled the covers back and padded into the bathroom to empty my bladder before returning back to the bed and crawling back under the luxurious covers and hoping to get a few more hours worth of sleep.

Then I felt it.

I bolted back into a sitting position, not quite sure if I was still imagining things or even still dreaming, but then I felt it again and I couldn't control the slight yelp as I felt the baby kick into my abdomen.

"Are you alright Bella?" Rosalie's head peaked through the door a second later but before I could reply I felt another hard kick and gasped in pain, grabbing onto my stomach.

"Carlisle," Rosalie called in a slightly louder voice than usual and I felt her sit next to me on the bed, trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Bella?" I had squeezed my eyes shut as the blasts of pain continued and felt a pair of cold hands roll me gently onto my back.

"My stomach... it's like the baby... is... kicking... hard..." I gasped out as I opened my eyes and saw Carlisle looking down at me.

"May I take a look at your stomach Bella?" he asked and when I nodded lifted my shirt slightly. I heard him take in a sharp breath and looked down, shock hitting me when I saw the size of my belly and the brand new black and blue bruises that were forming with every hard kick.

"Bella... I'm not sure what to tell you." I was having a hard time focusing through the pain but tried my best to listen to his words.

"I'm not sure what the baby is but it appears to be extremely strong and fast growing, almost as though... I know that when the wolves first phase they grow rapidly and their strength rivals ours, but that typically doesn't happen until later on... it's almost as though the baby is getting ready to phase." Carlisle seemed to be thinking out loud more than speaking to me and something Jacob had once told me stuck out in my mind suddenly.

"When Jacob would watch me at Charlie's house... he told me a lot of their legends..." I thought out loud wondering if my theory would make sense. Everyone looked at me as I struggled to stay focused on what I was saying through the painful bursts.

"When he told me what he was, he explained the old tribe legends about the cold ones and the wolves but he also said that the cold ones are what makes the gene kick in and activate. They hadn't had a wolf pack in generations because there were no cold ones near, when you moved back the gene kicked in and a new pack was born. What if because I'm here with you it's as though the gene is kicking in and the baby is growing fast to catch up to where it needs to be to phase?" I managed to get it out before doubling over in pain again.

"That's quite possible Bella... we didn't realize that being near is what activated the gene." Carlisle answered me and I felt Edward come in, taking Rosalie's place on the bed. He placed his hands on my belly and the icy coldness soothed some of the pain and must have somehow passed to the baby because the kicking slowed down, becoming steady but gentler as he kept his hands there.

"So what do we do now?" I asked not quite sure if I still wanted to continue the pregnancy or not.

"I'm not sure Bella. Is it alright if I give you something to help you sleep? You've barely slept two hours and you're going to need your sleep if things keep progressing this rapidly." Carlisle spoke and looked at both myself and Edward.

"Yeah, that's fine... I'm still exhausted." I yawned then as if to prove my point and looked to Edward.

"Will you stay? You seem to have slowed down the kicking and your hand feels so good against the bruises." I asked him and he pulled me closer to him. I heard a gust of air as I felt Carlisle leave the room and come back in seconds later holding a glass of water and two small pills. I took the pills gratefully and then snuggled my head back down onto Edward's arm, closing my eyes.

"Try and get some sleep Bella, if you need me just call. I'll be in my office doing some research and trying to figure out what's going on with your pregnancy." he spoke quietly and I felt a hard kick to my side before Edward's hand shifted to that spot and I slowly let sleep encompass me.

Sunday turned out to be much different than the day before. I woke up groggily, late the next morning and was instantly reminded of the night before. I could feel Edward's cold hands still on my belly and while it was soothing to the pain, it didn't take it away, it was more of a numbing feeling so that it wasn't so strong.

I looked down at where his hands rested against my bare skin and was once again shocked at the condition of my stomach. It seemed to have doubled over night and I now had a small black and blue basketball out front.

"Thank you for staying Edward." I sighed as I leaned back into his chest, concerned about how hard this was on him.

"Anything for you Bella." he replied with a kiss to my forehead. He shifted slightly and pulled me even closer to his body, his hands resting on my belly again as the baby kicked me hard.

"Can I ask you a question Edward?" I asked quietly, not sure whether I wanted the answer or not, but knowing that I had to at least ask it and give him the choice.

"Anything." he murmured and I felt another kiss on top my head.

"How do you feel about this?" I asked gesturing to my stomach before continuing my question.

"I mean... I know that at first I hated it and wanted it out and I couldn't think of anything else, but now I couldn't hurt it, I know that it's a part of me and even though I'm scared I can't help wanting it. But I've pulled you – and the family – into this mess too and I'm sorry. I just I don't want you all to feel like you have to keep me... us here. If it's too hard for you all because of what the baby is, I can leave." I whispered and felt the tears pooling in my eyes.

"Silly Bella." Edward turned me so that I was facing him, cupping me chin with his hand.

"Bella, I love you. All of you." I blinked and felt the first tears spill down my cheek.

"We all do Bella. We don't care about how the baby was conceived, what it is, just that it is a part of you and we all love you – especially me. I want to stay right here and be with you as long as you'll have me... I want to be in the baby's life and help him or her to learn and grow... I want to take the place of father if you are okay with that." Edward used his thumb to wipe away several of my tears and I flung my arms around him, holding onto him with everything that I had in me.

"The baby is still growing too fast." I whispered as I pulled my head away from him and laid back down on the pillow, pulling Edward's hand back to where I had just been kicked hard.

"Not surprisingly, Carlisle hasn't been able to find out anything yet, this scenario appears to have never happened before. He was in to check on you throughout the night though and both of you are healthy, the baby is just fast growing and a little stronger than a normal child. He thinks that it simply means that the pregnancy will be much shorter than normal." Edward told me and I smiled before I felt several more extremely hard kicks and yelped in pain.

"Here Bella. Carlisle wants you to take these. He says that they'll make you sleep more but it's the best thing for you right now." Edward smiled and handed me the pills off the bedside table along with a glass of water.

It didn't take long for me to drift back into the quite peace of sleep and I was quite enjoying the nothingness that I was floating in until I heard my name being called and grudgingly began to surface, the pain of the light shocking me into reality before I let out a pained cry.

"Sssh Bella, it's alright Bella." his velvety voice was soothing and my cries turned to whimpers through the pain as I struggled to focus on his face.

"It hurts so bad." I cried softly as another pain rippled throughout my abdomen and across into my back.

"I know Bella, breathe through the pain." Carlisle's voice sounded from the other side of the bed.

Another pain rippled throughout my body and I understood immediately what was happening.

"Am I... Is the baby... what is happening?" I begged the two men for answers and watched as Edward's face turned to one of sadness.

"Breathe Bella." He reminded me and I took a deep painful breath as the pains continued to come, one on top of the other.

"Bella, you're in labor... it's definitely too soon but we can't stop it, Carlisle's been trying since I felt the first contraction but he can't and you're almost ready to deliver. I'm sorry." he spoke softly, his voice breaking as he held my hand tightly.

"How... I... don't... understand..." I was begging them to explain to me what was happening.

"Bella, labor started about three hours ago, the pills I gave you made it so that you actually slept through most of it, if I had known Bella I wouldn't have let you take the pills." he sounded apologetic and I thought through what he was saying carefully.

I didn't have a chance to reply before the rippling pain turned to an unbearable pressure that my body instantly reacted to, pushing on it's own accord.

"Don't fight it Bella, go ahead and push... your body is ready." Carlisle spoke again and I felt myself crying as reality set in. I pushed several times, feeling it come naturally to me as the burning increased and suddenly there was relief as I felt the foreign object slide easily out of my body. There were no cries and both Edward and Carlisle's face showed me the answer to my question.

"Was it a boy or a girl?" I asked as the tears flowed freely down my cheeks.

"A girl." Carlisle replied and it sounded like he was choking back a sob of his own as he wrapped the tiny baby up in a small blanket and passed her first to Edward who placed her in my waiting arms.

"I'm so sorry Bella." Carlisle spoke softly and I felt a strange sensation as he finished delivering the placenta and then covered me up with a fresh blanket before leaving the room, leaving Edward and I alone with the baby.

"She's so small... so tiny... so perfect." I sobbed as I looked at her tiny features and somehow couldn't find an ounce of Jacob, her still body resembled only my own right down to her pale skin.

I sat up carefully with Edward's help and placed the baby softly on the bed in front of me, unwrapping the blanket and examining her features, her tiny fingers and toes, her perfect body and head, wrapping her back up and holding her to my chest as I silently said good-bye.

"Do you want to name her?" Edward had been silently watching me the entire time I had been saying my goodbyes to my first child, my daughter.

"Anna, after my mom... it was her middle name... Anna Marie." I broke out into sobs as I clutched her to my chest and Edward pulled me into his, a sob escaping from his own chest as he tried to comfort me.

"She's beautiful Bella." Edward kissed my forehead as I stared into her perfect face one more time. After a moment I sniffled and knew that if I didn't let her go now I never would. "I'm ready Edward... I can let her go now." I knew that my tears were pouring down my cheeks and I sniffled as I passed my daughter to Edward for the first and only time ever.

"Are you sure Bella?" he asked as he took the baby, handling her so carefully, so gently.

"I'm sure... please Edward." I begged and he stood and walked out of the room, taking my daughter with him as I sobbed quietly into my pillow. A few minutes passed before Edward came quietly back into the room, pulling me into his arms and soothing me, rubbing my back up and down as I continued to cry out my tears. So much had happened so quickly and I was beyond overwhelmed.

"I want to go back to sleep Edward." I sobbed softly when my tears had run dry and he continued to rub my back, not letting go of me. "Am I okay to clean up first?" I asked my voice flat and monotone, the life gone.

Edward helped me stand up, steadying me when I started to sway, feeling the loss of blood. Very slowly he walked me into the bathroom and held onto me while he ran the water for the shower. After he helped me into the stall he stayed in the room holding onto my hand while I scrubbed with my other hand, trying to wash away the last year's events.

I was almost ready to get out when I looked down and saw the large blood clots that were flowing freely out of me and into the shower below. I felt myself begin to sway and then a set of stone arms were holding me, wrapping a large towel around my body as he sat me down on the edge of the tub.

"Let's get you dressed and back to bed Bella." he whispered softly, doing all of the work drying off my body and helping me to get dressed, not quite sure how to put my pad on for me he handed it to me and I placed it before standing and pulling my underwear and pajama bottoms up and into place. He held his arm around my waist practically pulling me to the bed which I was vaguely aware had fresh sheets on it and tucking me softly in.

"Are you in any pain Bella?" he asked as he laid down next to me and I shook my head gently.

"Not physically... it aches a little but not badly... it's just... just... she's gone... I don't understand." I began to sob again and Edward continued to just hold me until again I drifted to sleep in his arms.


	12. True Family

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, possible smut later on.**

***A/N: This was a really busy chapter and I know that things are moving a little bit quickly here. Hopefully everything that's happening makes sense.**

"_**Not physically... it aches a little but not badly... it's just... just... she's gone... I don't understand." I began to sob again and Edward continued to just hold me until again I drifted to sleep in his arms.**_

All too soon I was waking up again and instantly the memory of holding my dead child in my arms caused a lump to form in my throat.

"Bella?" Edward asked cautiously and I rolled over slightly to look at his worried face.

"It wasn't a dream was it?" I asked and saw his expression appear pained as he looked into my face.

"I'm so sorry Bella. Carlisle did everything that he could to try and stop it and to save her..." he spoke softly and I felt his finger brush across my cheek, wiping away the single tear that had managed to escape my eye.

"I still don't understand Edward... she was so big... how did she grow so fast? Why... why did she come too soon?" I knew that my questions contradicted each other but my mind was still feeling exhausted and overworked.

"Carlisle ran some tests Bella. The baby did carry the wolf gene, he thinks that you were right, she was growing rapidly so that she could phase because of us being here so close to you. Your body couldn't handle the rapid growth and went into early labor she had grown quickly but was still too small to survive it." Edward explained slowly and I tried to hold back my sobs, feeling as though it was all my fault.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. It's because of us that this happened..." he began and I shook my head, placing a single finger over his mouth to quiet him down.

"No... please... it happened... it isn't any body's fault." I spoke firmly and realized that I didn't even believe my own words this time.

"I love you so much Bella." he said simply when I removed my fingers.

"Esme's made you a sandwich, do you want her to bring it up or do you want to come sit with everyone in the living room?" Edward asked me after a few more minutes.

"I'll come down, I just need to use the washroom." I whispered, still feeling fairly empty inside.

Edward was incredibly patient with me as he helped me to get to the washroom, my feet surprisingly shaky. He waited patiently while I completed my business and cleaned up and he was patient when I burst into tears upon exiting the washroom.

He was patient as he helped me walk ever so slowly downstairs into the living room where my family sat waiting, the room practically drowning in sadness, even Emmett not daring to make a joke. His patience seemed to be never ending as I spent the next several days at the house mostly just with him and Esme when the others returned to school/work. He sat down with me daily and helped me complete the tedious homework assignments that Alice brought home daily so that I would still be able to finish my year out successfully – Not that I really cared about it.

Even more so he was patient when my moods would shift between my new normal which was mostly emotionless to angry to sad. The family had held a small service outside the house the day following Anna's birth and she had been buried in a small clearing in the woods, a small headstone that Emmett had made marked her resting place and Edward came out with me almost daily while I sat at her grave and tried to sort out my thoughts.

The week following her birth I returned to school to finish out my year and write my finals, trying with everything that I had in myself to push myself forward, to move on from the newest tragedy to hit my life.

For the most part I was slowly starting to recover both physically and emotionally. In the first few days Esme was a lifeline, someone who I clung to when I felt my emotions begin to spiral out of control, the day she shared her story of loss with me I cried harder than I had cried yet but somehow felt better when I was done. It was nice to have someone who understood the loss, Esme's own son had died only days after his birth and when she told me I truly felt as though our pain was the same.

The rest of the family gave me my space but was also there whenever I needed to talk or laugh or vent and as I healed from the loss of Anna I also grew into my new family, feeling as though I fit in better here than I ever had anywhere else.

"Bella?" Alice's voice seemed far too happy for such an early time on a Saturday morning. It had been just over three months since I had lost Anna and although some pieces of me still felt hollow at times, I was finally feeling normal and starting to let myself feel happy.

"What is it Alice?" I asked her through gritted teeth.

Suddenly my covers were ripped off the bed and Alice's shrill laugh was ringing through my bedroom. I opened my eyes and was not surprised to find Alice digging through the closet, searching no doubt for the perfect outfit for whatever she had planned for the day.

"I want to sleep longer Alice," I whined at her as I pulled the blanket back on top of my body and snuggled back into the pillow.

"Bella... you promised me... we're going shopping!" she clapped her hands and jumped up and down excitedly while I stifled a loud groan at the memory of what I had promised her.

"I have everything I need for school though Alice... can't I just enjoy the rest of summer vacation in peace?" I continued to whine as she ripped the blankets off of me yet again.

"Bella, we need new. It's almost fall and we haven't started on your fall wardrobe at all yet, I'm so behind with your clothes Bella... let's get moving!" she threw something at me and I wiped my eyes as I sat up in the bed and stretched out.

"Alright Alice... get out! I'm coming." I grumbled and gathered the outfit together that Alice had thrown at me, making my way to the bathroom to shower and dress. I moved as quickly as my early morning grogginess allowed, making my way downstairs and into the kitchen to grab breakfast.

"Alice says don't worry about breakfast, they'll stop so you can pick something up." Edward whispered in my ear, wrapping his arms around me as I finished my glass of water. I swung around in his arms and wrapped my own around his neck, reaching up on my toes to kiss him softly on the lips.

"How was hunting last night?" I asked when we pulled apart and I looked into his now light gold eyes.

"I missed you." he answered and I smiled, kissing him again. It was only recently that we had begun to get closer physically, even though we had both expressed our feelings to each other I needed time to heal before getting into any kind of physical relationship. The problem was that even though I trusted Edward with everything in my soul and I was ready to be a little more physical in our relationship, he wasn't. He had fears that he wouldn't be able to control himself with me if we did anything more than kiss.

"Come on Bella!" Alice was suddenly there in the doorway whining at me as I kissed Edward one more time and pulled out of his arms.

"See you tonight?" I asked as I made my way out of the kitchen and towards the front door.

"I'll be waiting." he smiled as Alice got impatient enough that she began to drag me by the arm out to Carlisle's car where both Esme and Rosalie were already waiting.

"Sorry Bella." Esme said apologetically as I climbed in the backseat next to Rosalie and Alice hit the gas, flying down the driveway and out to the highway at break-neck speeds.

"We held her off as long as we could, you're lucky we managed to keep her back from waking you at dawn." Rosalie laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"So you guys do this every year?" I asked no one in particular.

"Yes. It's become a tradition since we started attending high school or college with Alice. Every year in August we go shopping the weekend before school in the closest major city for ourselves and our mates. It also gives us a chance to change up our style of clothes or our mate's and we basically just have fun." Rosalie explained and I smiled, I knew that her and Emmett and Jasper were going to be attending the University of Washington in September while Alice, Edward and I finished out high school... for the first time in the months since I'd been with the Cullens, the family would be split up.

We spent the day moving from store to store at speeds that were obviously too fast to be considered human although nobody seemed to notice except for me. By lunch I was thoroughly exhausted and ready to return home but Alice wouldn't have any of that so Esme and I took a quick break and made our way down to the food court where I got myself a slice of pizza and a bottle of Pepsi... I thought I might need the energy boost to finish out the day.

"Thanks for sitting with me Esme... I was about to collapse if Alice didn't give me a break soon!" I sighed as we sat at a small table at the edge of the food court.

"Even we get tired from shopping with Alice, I figured that you could use the break!" she laughed and I took a big bite of my lunch.

"Can I ask a question Esme? It's kind of personal..." I asked her taking a break in eating. She nodded her head and sat back in her chair, waiting for me to gather my thoughts.

"Why is Edward so afraid of hurting me?" I blurted out the question and then figured that I should clarify it better.

"I mean, I understand how strong he is and how easily he could physically hurt me... but I also know that he couldn't let himself... he wouldn't. He explained to me about how my blood is stronger than most humans to him, and I know he worries about that... but he was there when I gave birth, he's sat with me while I've had blood pouring from open wounds and has never hurt me..." I was regretting asking these questions as I was still confused myself.

"Bella, Edward was my first "son" and in a way I understand him a lot better than anybody else. Edward spent nearly a century alone as you know. He has never been with a woman and the era that he was born in dictates that it isn't proper to until after marriage. Aside from that Edward has always been particularly hard on himself for his past mistakes. I know that he told you about his time away from us in 1927, but I think that you should understand what it did to him to live like that, he still has a hard time forgiving himself for those mistakes and I think that he feels that if he is close to you and if something were to happen it would be unforgivable. He's been fighting himself since the very first day that he met you. And Bella, don't forget, Edward knows what you went through before, he would do anything to make sure that you never feel the way that you felt before." Esme explained and smiled at me.

"Let's go, Alice is getting impatient. She says that you need to help her pick out some things for Edward." Esme smiled and I picked up my tray, dumping it as we made our way back down the hall.

Esme and I were walking slowly, joking about Alice's shopping habits when all of a sudden I felt Esme tense beside me and spin around, pulling me behind her a little too quickly. I looked over Esme's shoulder in shock at the gun that was pointing in our direction but I didn't have time to see anything else before Esme moved to push me out of the way and down to the ground just as I heard the gun fire twice.

The entire mall erupted in screams and shouts and I lost sight of Charlie as Esme again crouched in front of me protectively.

"Charlie. Drop the gun." I heard her say. Her voice wasn't soft and warm like I had always known it. Now it was menacing and even from behind her it frightened me.

"That little bitch screwed up my life and she is going to pay for it." I heard him yell and Esme responded with a loud growl.

Soon I could hear a voice shouting instructions, telling him to put the gun down. I still couldn't see anything past Esme but I knew that it was the police. After several minutes I felt Esme grab me and shift me just slightly as a bullet landed right where she had been crouched a few seconds earlier and as I looked over I watched as Charlie fell to the ground in a heap. Esme pulled me into her arms as people buzzed around us, swarming us and making me feel almost sick from the tight space.

"Were either of you hit?" An officer asked me and I shook my head no in response. The officer started asking us questions but I was still so overwhelmed that I couldn't speak yet.

"Excuse me." I heard the masculine voice and relaxed instantly when I saw both Edward and Carlisle fighting their way through to us.

"I'm a doctor, please let me through, the two ladies are my wife and my daughter." Carlisle's voice was calm but I could see the urgency in his face as he came towards us, Edward holding himself back and following.

"Esme, Bella." he said when he reached us. "Are you both alright?" He asked and instantly took my wrist in his as he listened to my pulse. I watched as his lips moved quickly, communicating to Esme in a tone too fast and quiet for any of the humans to hear.

The crowd of officers and paramedics backed off as Carlisle examined me and pretended to examine Esme and Alice and Rosalie made their way over to us after speaking with a police officer.

"My wife and daughter are very shaken up. When can I take them home?" Carlisle asked the officer who had followed Alice and Rose over politely.

"We need to ask them both a few questions and then you can leave." he answered sat down on the ground next to where we were both still sitting.

"Can I get your version of events here today?" he began and I gladly let Esme take the lead.

"My daughters and I were here shopping," she began gesturing at Rose, Alice and I. "and Bella and I separated to get something to eat. We were on our way back to meet with Rosalie and Alice when I heard Charlie Swan call Bella's name. When I turned around he had his gun drawn and pointed at us so I pulled Bella behind me and then when I realized that he was serious managed to pull us away just in time." she paused and glanced to where there was a large crowd of professionals and I could just barely make out the pale feet sticking out.

"Is she going to be alright?" Esme asked with concern in her eyes and I felt the guilt swell up in my chest.

"She was hit in the shoulder, with one of the bullets." the officer explained before Esme continued.

"I didn't know what else to do so I pushed Bella into the corner and sat in front of her... I couldn't let Charlie hurt her. He mouthed something just before he fired the last shot and that was how I knew to pull Bella and I aside again." I was crying now and couldn't bring myself to speak but when the officer asked me to confirm could only nod my head.

"She's in shock right now." Carlisle explained and I was grateful to have them all here with me. "The shooter – Charlie Swan – was her father. She was taken from his care about four months ago due to abuse, we're her foster parents." Carlisle continued to explain and I watched as Edward stood silently behind Carlisle. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to be safely in his arms.

We were given permission to leave after Esme answered a few more questions and I watched as Carlisle had a few more words with one of the officers as Alice and Esme helped me stand and head out of the mall and towards Carlisle's car. Edward followed, getting in the backseat beside me and Esme got in the driver's seat we waited a moment for Carlisle and then the four of us left.

"Where are Alice and Rose?" I asked as we pulled out.

"Emmett and Jasper arrived a few minutes ago, the girls left with them." Carlisle answered and I tucked my head into Edward's side, feeling his arm wrap around me, pulling me to him.

"Does anybody suspect anything Edward?" Esme asked a few minutes into the drive. Her and Carlisle had been holding hands and I suspect they had been talking too low for me to hear.

"No. There weren't any concerned thoughts... everyone was so focused on Charlie that Esme's quick moves either weren't seen or were played off as adrenaline making her focused." Edward said and I breathed a sigh of relief, I had been worried that someone would have seen the way she had moved and suspected something.

"Thank you Esme." I choked out after a few more minutes of silence and Edward pulled me tighter into his chest. The rest of the drive was quiet and when we arrived home we all paired off in different directions once everyone had made sure that I was alright and had given me hugs.

"Are you okay Bella?" Edward asked as he led me towards the bed in the middle of his room and I curled up onto it, him following behind and pulling me back against his chest.

"I'm fine Edward." I answered and closed my eyes.

"Bella... are you sure? You just saw your father..."

"No. Stop it. HE. WAS. NOT. MY. FATHER. That man was a monster who tortured me every day that I lived with him after ignoring my existence for years. My father is downstairs with my mother, in the same house as my brothers and my sisters... and you. You are my family." I finished my rant and he pulled me even closer, peppering kisses across the top of my head before rolling me over to look at him.

"I love you so much Bella." he said and leaned down to kiss me. I responded instantly, reaching my hands up and pulling him down to me harder, twining my fingers in his hair. I heard him groan and felt my stomach begin to knot in anticipation as he let me up to breathe but continued kissing down my neck, his hand finding it's way under the hem of my shirt and holding the bare skin of my waist.

I continued to tug on his hair with my one hand while my other reached down around his neck, and stroked him with my nails, down across his shoulders. He let out a low growl and I felt the wetness begin to pool out and I knew that I wanted more. My shirt was gone in an instant and I hitched my breath in anticipation at this new moment in our relationship.

Edward paused and I looked at his face to see him trying to regain control of himself, breathing deeply, his eyes closed.

"Bella no. We can't do this." his breathing was ragged and his voice was rough and strained.

"I need to feel you Edward, I need you to touch me, please!" I begged again and saw him look up at me, his eyes black. I felt his fingers begin to move behind my back, gently lifting me as they unclasped my bra and he gently slid it down my arms, tossing it to the side. By the time my bra hit the floor Edward's mouth attached itself to my left nipple, sucking and swirling his tongue around, his chilly breath causing my nipples to ache with how hard they had become, my moans telling him what how good it felt. I could feel the heat growing between my legs and my mind was soaring as he took my other nipple in his fingers and began to pinch and squeeze it gently. I grabbed his hair in my hands again and pulled him closer to me and I heard his answering growl.

I could feel myself dripping between my legs, and the ache from wanting him grew even stronger.

Edward made his way back up to my face and we kissed deeply again. I gripped his button down and yanked it open, sending most of the buttons flying to the floor.

Gently he lowered his cool marble chest to mine and kissed me even deeper. I reveled in the feeling of him and I pressed together my warmth against his ice.

"Bella… I can't…" he panted again trying to regain control as he rolled us to our sides, gently breaking us apart.

This is what I need you to do for me. Please, just try Edward!" I begged him as I stared into his eyes and traced swirling patterns around his back with my finger.

Slowly I made my way down to the top of his pants and slid my index finger underneath, trailing my fingers around the waistband.

I heard him growl and before I knew it both of our pants were off and I could feel his hardness next to me, waiting at my entrance. I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him as softly as I could manage, trying to encourage him, but he began to pull back from me.

Swiftly I pushed my hips up to meet his, pushing him fully into me as he froze and hissed at the new sensation. Once he was inside I paused and watched his face, waited as he fought with himself.

"Please Edward." I begged him once more and that seemed to be all that it took for him to pull back and thrust gently back in. It didn't take long for both of us to find our relief, tumbling swiftly over the edge.

"Are you alright Bella?" Edward whispered as he worked to calm himself down. I looked around me and was surprised to see the pillow had been ripped to shreds.

"I'm... that was amazing... I'm sorry." I had so much that I wanted to say but didn't know where to start.

"Why are you sorry, Love?" he asked and lifted my chin to look at him.

"I just know... you weren't ready... and I..."

"Ssh Bella. As long as you're okay, that's all that I care about. I just didn't want to hurt you." he whispered and kissed my forehead.

"Do you want to help me shower?" I asked him mischievously a few minutes later and saw him raise his eyebrows at me before picking me up and running me to the bathroom at vampire speed, turning on the water and pulling me in with him. It didn't take long for us to begin a repeat of the earlier activities, and we continued on and off throughout the night until I finally fell asleep just before dawn wrapped in securely in Edward's arms.


	13. The Morning After

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, possible smut later on.**

"_**Do you want to help me shower?" I asked him mischievously a few minutes later and saw him raise his eyebrows at me before picking me up and running me to the bathroom at vampire speed, turning on the water and pulling me in with him. It didn't take long for us to begin a repeat of the earlier activities, and we continued on and off throughout the night until I finally fell asleep just before dawn wrapped in securely in Edward's arms. **_

My dreams were a jumbled mess that night, ranging between tormented memories of abuse and rape to revisiting the birth and death of my child, to having Edward and the feelings of absolute bliss that accompany being with him.

When I woke up the next day the sun was shining unusually bright and I was surprised to see that it was already early afternoon. Stretching I looked around and was slightly upset to see that Edward wasn't in the room with me but it wasn't enough to bring me down from the high that I was feeling from the previous night's activities. Wondering where everyone was I decided it was time to get out of bed and make my way downstairs for some breakfast.

On my way to the bathroom I stopped at the closet and grabbed a clean pair of jeans and a royal blue fitted t-shirt to wear and made my way towards the shower. I rushed through the motions, getting out and drying off hastily before putting on my underwear and jeans. When I had my bra on and was attempting to do up the clasp I began to notice the annoying ache in my joints and curiously turned to look in the mirror. Surprise hit me when I saw the black and purple bruises extending up my sides and across my torso, down my back... all of them in the shape of Edward's long fingers.

I didn't waste any more time and finished dressing, pulling my hair back into a messy bun before exiting my room and finding my way downstairs and into the kitchen. I called Edward's name quietly, knowing that if he was home he would appear instantly, my heart falling when there was no reply. I moved sluggishly through the kitchen after that, making myself some toast and pouring a glass of orange juice to settle my stomach while I waited for him to get back.

"Bells!" I dropped my glass on the floor as Emmett came tearing through the kitchen, Rosalie hot on his trails.

"Damn it Emmett!" I cursed loudly as Rosalie smacked Emmett on the side of the head playfully.

"Sorry Bells." he hung his head for an instant before looking up at me with a huge grin on his face.

"What?" I asked him as I carefully picked up the pieces of broken glass out of the mess of orange juice.

"How'd it feel bein' my little brother's first time last night... and second time... and third..." My face was on fire and I was sure it was as red as the blood dripping from the large gash in my hand... shit. My hand. I must have squeezed the glass when Emmett started teasing me.

"Emmett... Rosalie..." I started calmly as I looked at their eyes which were black, both of them were gripping the counter across from me and I could see the strain of holding back on their faces. Moving quickly I dropped the glass and backed up towards the sink, keeping my eyes trained on their faces as I turned the water on and slid my hand directly under the current. I chanced a glance at the floor and was happy that there was no blood splattered on the floor and when I looked back up for my sister and brother breathed a sigh of relief when they were no longer there.

"What happened Bella?" Carlisle was at my side in an instant as I kept my hand under the water, trying to pull pieces of glass out of the cut.

"Emmett startled me and I dropped my glass... then he started teasing me and I guess I grabbed the broken glass a little too tightly." I explained and Carlisle took over, pulling my hand out from under the water and examining it a little closer.

"Let's go into my office and I'll get the rest of the glass out of this cut and stitch you up." Carlisle smiled and I wrapped my hand loosely in a kitchen towel before following him down the hallway.

"Where's everybody else?" I asked as I sat down and he gathered the things that he would need and began to work on my hand.

"Edward, Alice, and Jasper went hunting up in the mountains and should be back soon. Esme I believe just went for some groceries and I just returned from the hospital. Rosalie and Emmett left to go hunting a minute ago and wanted me to apologize for their hasty exit." he answered and I laughed, shaking my head.

"I really need to stop hurting myself." I sighed as he finished up and I looked down at the wound on my hand.

"How have you been feeling about everything that's happened the past few months Bella?" Carlisle asked a minute later and I thought about giving him the usual answer of "I'm fine." but something about the way that he asked made me decide against it instead and I answered him honestly.

"I'm okay." I started and took a deep breath. Carlisle sat back in his chair and waited patiently for me to continue.

"Some days are easier than others and some things easier to deal with than others. Up until yesterday I hardly thought about Charlie anymore... I mean, certain things would remind me of him but it wasn't anything that I couldn't handle. And Jacob... well again certain things hit me about Jacob but for the most part I can deal with it... things like being taken by surprise or touched without expecting it still give me flashbacks though." I told him and he nodded his head in understanding.

"And what about Anna?" I knew that he was going to ask and at the same time this was the question that I didn't want to answer.

"It hurts a lot still. I think about her every day and wonder if there is a heaven and if she's there, I wonder about what she would have been like if she had lived, and I dream about her at night. But even though I'm still sad about loosing her, in a way it makes sense to me... like she wasn't meant to live... like what happened might have been the way that things were supposed to happen." I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat and pushed the stray tears away with my hand.

"I worry about Edward and my relationship now though. I know that he thinks that I want and need a child eventually to be happy and he worries because he can't give that to me. But he doesn't realize that while I am upset about loosing Anna, I don't want another child, I never did want children. And now... after last night..." I could feel myself beginning to get frustrated at what I suspected Edward's reaction was going to be.

"Did he hurt you last night?" I looked back at Carlisle and realized that he didn't know about the bruises yet.

"No, that's the thing. He didn't hurt me, there was no pain, he did nothing wrong physically or mentally but he did leave some bruises that I didn't even discover until I looked in the mirror this morning." I explained and saw him frown as he thought about my answer.

"You're sure that you aren't hurt, that it doesn't bother you that he left bruises?" Carlisle asked me and I sighed deeply.

"Look. I've had people bruise me out of anger and hatred and ownership. People bruised me to wield their power over my head and to tell me that I was worthless and would never be loved. Yes Edward left a few bruises last night when he did what I asked him to, but I know that the only reason they are even there is because I was begging him to hold me closer and tighter to him... I know that he would never hurt me." My face was flushed as I ranted and I felt guilty for taking my anger out on Carlisle who had only wanted to talk.

"I'm sorry for taking my anger out on you." I mumbled a minute later.

"That's alright Bella, and I'm sorry as well. I just wanted to make sure that you really were alright after yesterday's events and then last night, and when you said that there were bruises I was concerned that it would bring back memories for you." he said and this time I nodded my head in understanding.

"In my study Edward." Carlisle said out loud obviously for my benefit and I looked expectantly at the door just as Edward knocked lightly.

"Come in son," Carlisle spoke and I smiled as I saw his face search out mine in worry.

"What happened? I can smell your blood in the house Bella?" he asked me and I held up my hand for him to see.

"Emmett surprised me and I dropped my glass, I cut my hand cleaning it up." I explained and saw the anger flash across his face.

"Where's Emmett now?" he asked through clenched teeth and I brought my good hand up to his head and stroked his cheek, attempting to calm him down.

"Rosalie and Emmett went hunting. I'm fine Edward, it was just an accident." I turned and stood in front of him, forcing him to look at me.

"You are too forgiving Bella." Edward stated coldly and I flinched back from his tone of voice.

"Edward... accidents happen, I wasn't seriously hurt, Carlisle's stitched it up." I was still trying to calm him down as his face began to show anger beyond the usual Edward anger.

"No Bella. Accidents are not okay. You are in a house full of vampires and you don't realize how one little cut like this could kill you in a second. How one night like last night and I could loose control and snap you like a twig, how me bruising you is not alright because next time I might squeeze a little tighter and then you'll be gone Bella." I stepped back from him as though he had slapped me.

"Edward I'm..."

"No, you are not alright Bella. Don't you see that for you bruising is normal, you can't even identify what a healthy relationship should be and you don't even seem bothered that I hurt you last night. The only relationships you've ever seen were screwed up ones that hurt you so for you this is normal and you need to know that it isn't. Wake up and see me for the monster that I am! I'm not good for you Bella and we shouldn't be together." Edward was yelling at me now and I felt myself beginning to loose control of my own anger at the hurtful things that he had said to me.

"I... I... I... I can't do this right now." I had barely uttered the words before I took off out of Carlisle's office and out the front door, my emotions running haywire through my body as I ran down the driveway and towards the road.

"Bella, wait a minute." I heard Carlisle's voice and didn't bother slowing down my pace as I continued walking along the quiet road.

"I need to be alone... to think about things." I whispered quietly through my tears, staring straight ahead and refusing to look at him.

"He's upset with himself, not you Bella." Carlisle spoke and I tried to reign in my anger.

"Of course he's upset with himself and I understand why, but he had no right to treat me that way, to talk to me as if I have no idea what pain is." I stopped and turned to him, my face must have been revealing the rage I was feeling because Carlisle actually stepped back.

"I know Bella, and I can't apologize for his actions or his words but I do want to make sure that you are okay." he told me truthfully and I continued walking.

"I'm fine... I just need to walk for a little bit. Do you mind giving me a little space? I want to be able to rant and yell without supersensitive hearing listening to everything that I'm saying." I tried to make my voice sound level as I continued to walk.

"Alright, come find me when you get back to the house." Carlisle told me before I felt the rush of air that signaled his disappearance.

I continued walking for what felt like hours and I watched as the sky gradually began to darken, I had no idea where I had been heading and no idea where I was now. I wasn't concerned and concentrated only on moving my feet, heading to nowhere in particular.


	14. Loosing It

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, possible smut later on.**

_**I continued walking for what felt like hours and I watched as the sky gradually began to darken, I had no idea where I had been heading and no idea where I was now. I wasn't concerned and concentrated only on moving my feet, heading to nowhere in particular.**_

Night had fallen all around me and the only light came from the occasional car that would pass me by. I had been wandering absently and didn't know where I was, I had tripped and fallen multiple times and my hands and knees were covered in small scratches and scrapes.

"You worthless slut." My head whipped around at the rough voice and I glared angrily and the shadows when I realized that there was nobody there.

"I know I'm a worthless slut." I screamed in response to the voices in my head and walked angrily off the side of the road and into the dark forest.

"He's taken what he wants from you and now look at you... you're pathetic... wandering the street at night and he doesn't even care enough to come find you." the voice continued to taunt me and I stormed further into the forest, determined to find the person that belonged to the words.

"I know that! I know I'm nothing! I was stupid and I shouldn't have believed that he could ever love someone as broken and used as me!" I was still screaming into the darkness as I tripped and fell, my head hitting a large rock. I could feel a small trickle of blood as I reached up to put pressure on the bump, the voices still speaking, still taunting me.

"You can't ever escape us Isabella." the voice echoed around my head and I stood up, spinning around and trying to find it.

"You don't own me! You're dead! You're both dead!" I screamed into the night air, my throat was raw and sore now, my heart was aching and my body was tired.

"And so is your daughter. She's here with us Isabella so don't worry... we'll take care of her." the voice was mocking now and I felt my chest constrict.

"No! She's not yours... you don't have her... no... you can't hurt her!" I chanted as I stumbled towards the edge of the cliffs that had appeared in front of me.

"I'm coming for her... you can't have her!" I screamed again and braced myself to jump, my daughter the only thing that I could focus on.

"Bella No!" I was pulled back and hit something hard just as I pushed my feet up to jump and as I struggled against it I felt the panic settle in.

"Get off me! Let me go now!" I commanded and began thrashing my arms and legs against my concrete restraints.

"Bella stop fighting me." her voice pleaded with me and as recognition set in my fighting turned to grasping as the sobs wracked my body.

"Carlisle, over here!" Esme's voice called out as she held me against her body and she stroked my head lovingly.

"Where was she?" Carlisle's voice asked and I felt him take my wrist in his hand as I clutched Esme tighter, refusing when Carlisle tried to turn me towards him.

"She was about to jump off the cliff over there... she was yelling at Jacob and Charlie... it didn't make much sense." Esme exclaimed and I felt her stand up, still holding me against her chest like a small child, the air beginning to move past us.

"Let's get her to the house and warmed up and then we'll try and get her to talk to us, to tell us what happened." Carlisle's voice said from somewhere beside us and I kept my eyes closed tightly, not moving not wanting to release Esme even once we were in the warmth of the house.

"What happened? Is she alright?" Edward's voice rang out as Esme tried unsuccessfully to lay me down and as I heard his voice I cringed back into her, not wanting to let him get near to me.

"Edward you need to leave the room." Esme spoke firmly and I finally allowed her to pry my fingers off her shirt and lay me down on the bed, moving to sit next to me once I was covered with a thick blanket.

"Bella can you open your eyes sweetheart?" Esme asked gently and I shook my head at her request.

"Can you try? You're safe here with us... it's just Carlisle and I in the room with you." she asked softly and I swallowed loudly as I fought against myself. There was no reason for this behavior, there was no reason for me to be acting this way.

"That's it Bella, look at me." Esme coaxed as I blinked my eyes and allowed them to adjust, settling them on Esme's face.

"Can you tell us what happened out there? What happened after Carlisle left you at the road earlier?" she asked and I swallowed again.

"I was just walking... and thinking... and then it just started getting dark and I didn't care. I stopped thinking about things... I even stopped thinking about where I was going and I got lost. Then I started hearing them... they were saying things... telling me that they had Anna with them. I just wanted her to be safe." My throat was aching as I tried to explain what had happened, my own mind missing pieces of the day.

"Did you ever see them? Charlie and Jacob?" Carlisle's voice sounded and I turned my head slightly to see him standing beside the bed.

"No... it's stupid really... I know they're both dead... I don't know what I was thinking... why I was hearing..." I shook my head and realized for the first time that I was shaking all over, my body still wet beneath the covers.

"Why am I wet?" I asked them, my teeth chattering as Esme and Carlisle spoke quietly.

"It was pouring rain dear, and you wandered quite far away." I wondered how I could have missed the fact that it was raining and that I was soaked.

"Bella I want to talk to you about what happened today but I want you to warm up and get a good night's sleep first, we'll speak first thing in the morning." Carlisle smiled at me and stood up to leave, Esme shifting and helping me up.

"Let's get you warm and dry." she said and although she smiled at me it was a worried smile.

I did as Esme told me to, having a warm shower and putting on the warmest pajamas that I had before climbing into my freshly made bed and curling in on myself. I didn't speak anymore, just simply followed her instructions and I could see her becoming upset and frustrated at my behavior.

"I'm going to make you something to eat, I'll be back in a few minutes." she said once I was laying down in my bed.

"I'm not hungry." I answered and I heard her sigh.

"You need to eat something Bella." she said a little firmer and I shook my head, refusing to give in. Esme left the room and I closed my eyes tightly, wishing for time to turn itself back so that I could return to the way I felt before I watched Charlie die.

"Bella? Can I come in?" Alice's voice was light and cheery, but I wasn't in the mood to see anybody. I kept my eyes pressed shut and went through the day's events in my mind, trying to understand what had happened, what had made me loose it like that. Alice came into the room and I could sense her somewhere beside me, but I was too focused on trying to remember the missing bits that I didn't care.

_Charlie was shot yesterday. Charlie was shot yesterday in front of my eyes after attempting to shoot Esme and I. Edward didn't want me. I gave him everything and he treated me like garbage. Charlie's dead. Jacob's dead. Anna's dead. Renee and Phil are dead. The Cullens are dead. _

My thoughts were only making me more upset and confused and I could feel my body beginning to shake again as the sobs threatened to consume me. There was a bubble of pain in my chest and as I finally let my thoughts flow freely the bubble started to grow, a searing pain that caused me to let out a blood-curdling scream of agony. I could sense more of the family come into the room with me but I couldn't stop the screams of pain, I couldn't hear anything that they said to me.

Finally I felt a stone hand take hold of my arm, preventing it from thrashing around and there was a small prick that I could barely register. Seconds later my cries died down to whimpers and then to nothing as the darkness closed in around me and I welcomed the quiet peacefulness of sleep.

When I opened my eyes the next morning and shifted my body to stretch I was surprised to find Alice sitting in the chair beside the bed, a magazine in her hand, her face strangely calm. I heard a crash of thunder and there was a bright streak of lightning outside my window. The stormy weather outside seemed to match my mood and as I sat up in bed I felt the remnants of the previous night's pain in my chest.

Alice didn't say anything but she eyed me warily as I stood up and made my way over to the bathroom, the uncomfortable fullness of my bladder making the trip a necessity. When I came out of the washroom Alice was still there, still watching me silently and I was beginning to feel awkward.

"Are you feeling better today?" Alice asked me quietly as I made my way into the closet and began to get dressed.

"I'm fine." I answered simply and continued to get dressed, my mind still mainly focused elsewhere.

"Carlisle wants you to go down to his study when you're dressed." she informed me as I made my way out of the closet and grabbed my hairbrush, quickly yanking through the tangles and pulling my hair into a ponytail.

I didn't answer her as I made my way out of my room and downstairs towards Carlisle's study. I didn't bother stopping at the door and instead just let myself in, sitting down in a chair across from him.

"Good morning Bella." Carlisle said and I nodded at him. Something was off his morning... first with Alice and now with Carlisle.

"How are you feeling this morning?" he asked as he sat back in his chair, his hands folded in his lap.

"I'm feeling better. I finally dealt with a lot of different things last night... it was painful but it feels much better this morning. I'm sorry for the way that I acted." I answered him, hoping that he would leave it at that.

"Why don't you tell me a little bit about what happened last night Bella, start at how you felt before you left my office." he said and I cringed back in my chair.

"I was upset about what Edward said to me. It felt like he had never really meant anything that he had said to me before, the way that he treated me... it just felt like Charlie and Jake all over again. I really did go outside just to be alone and sort out my thoughts, but I don't know what happened. I started thinking about things... about everything that had happened since my mom and Phil died. The more that I tried to think about things the more I started to hear their voices. They were taunting me and mocking me and I knew that they couldn't be real because they're both dead, but I couldn't help listening anyways. I wasn't thinking really and felt lost when you and Esme found me." I tried to explain and realized how poor the explanation felt.

"And last night... do you remember screaming?" he asked cautiously and I nodded my head.

"Yes. It was like everything that has happened to me since I came to Forks was concentrated in a painful bubble in my chest that just expanded so that I couldn't do anything but scream. It hurt badly but I didn't know what else to do." I knew that I sounded crazy.

"I think Bella..." he began and then paused to hand me a tissue as tears started to flow down my cheek.

"I think that you've bottled up so many emotions Bella that yesterday everything came to the surface. I had a feeling that it would all come up eventually which is why I wanted to talk to you yesterday. Now that this has come up though Bella, I want you to start dealing with things in a healthier way." he was still speaking cautiously and I wondered what he wasn't telling me.

"I want you to begin a sort of therapy Bella, just to work through your emotions and thoughts about everything that has happened. There are several options for you to do that. You are of course more than welcome to speak to me anytime, Jasper is also a good option to speak to, or we can find you a professional outside of the family if you are more comfortable with that option." he said and I shook my head at the last suggestion.

"I'm fine speaking to you or Jasper..." I answered and he seemed to relax a little more.

Carlisle and I decided that we would meet regularly in his office at the hospital so that I could talk privately about things that I hadn't dealt with yet or that I just needed to talk about. When we were finished I stood up to leave, wanting to apologize to the rest of the family but I remembered that I still had a couple of questions for him.

"I know that you left me alone to give me space yesterday, but I wondered why nobody came looking for me earlier?" I asked quickly, biting my bottom lip nervously as I waited for his answer.

"After I left you I was called in to the hospital, I didn't go back to the house first I just went straight to town. Everyone had heard me go after you so they assumed that you were with me. When Esme got home last night she found that you weren't home and when she called me, that's when we knew that you were missing. It had been raining most of the day though and you had apparently been wandering in circles. Your scent was everywhere and the rain had spread it out further. It took us quite a while to find you." he told me and I nodded my head.

"Is Edward home?" I asked next, wanting to find him and talk to him about what happened yesterday.

"No, Edward has decided to leave for a little while." Carlisle answered and I knew now why I had sensed that something was wrong earlier.

"He's gone?" I clarified, not wanting to believe that I had caused him to leave.

"Yes, I'm sure he'll be back but he needed some time away to think about things." Carlisle explained to me and I felt the dull ache in my chest flare up at this knowledge.

My hand came up to rub my chest absently where the pain was concentrated and I felt myself beginning to get dizzy. Sitting down in the chair again I laid my head down on the desk and closed my eyes, my hand still rubbing my chest.

"Are you alright Bella?" Carlisle was kneeling down beside me now and I tried to stay calm, to keep my breathing even.

"I'm fine... it just... it hurts." I said simply as the tears dripped down my cheek again.

"He's gone? Edward's gone?" I croaked out softly, not wanting to believe him but knowing the truth anyways.

***A/N: I want to apologize in advance, my updates over the next two weeks will be irregular and there will be non next week as I am away. Once I return however updates will be back to either every day or every other day. **


	15. Weakling

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, some smut.**

"_**He's gone? Edward's gone?" I croaked out softly, not wanting to believe him but knowing the truth anyways.**_

After Carlisle told me that Edward had left for a while I felt both angry and scared, sad and rejected. The ache in my chest and the dizziness caused me to become disoriented and Esme had come in to take me back up to my room for a little while, bringing with her a tray of food that I had no desire to eat. I slept off and on throughout the morning, the pain in my chest bubbling stronger as the day went on and I tried to shake it off as the family came in to check on me one at a time, each of them worried about me.

Once again I revisited the events of the past year, trying to understand why everything had happened the way that it had. Why had I been sent to live with Charlie, why couldn't I have stayed with friends in Phoenix, why had Jake been so delusional and hurtful, why Anna, why Edward, why? I also dreaded the idea of returning to Fork's High the following day with Alice and tried not to think about what it would be like to return without Edward there with me.

"May I come in Bella?" Jasper's accented words came from the doorway and I waved him in as my thoughts continued to spiral.

He made his way into the room and stood against a bookshelf across from where I was sitting at the desk, his arms folded across his chest calculatingly. I waited patiently for him to speak his mind, knowing that like every other member of my family had today, he had something he wanted to say to me.

"I'm sure that you know this already Bella, but we are all worried about you." he began and I wanted to understand where he was going with this aside from the obvious. Absently I brought my hand up to my chest, feeling the pain radiating out again.

"Do you want to talk about the pain you're feeling?" he tried a more direct approach and I looked to him in surprise. He had never been able to pick up my emotions, so the pain must have reflected on my face.

"I don't want to talk about it." I whispered and looked down at the desk where I had been writing in my journal.

"I can feel the pain you are feeling." he spoke quietly and I was again surprised at what he said.

"How can you feel it? You don't usually feel anything from me." I was hoping that by getting him to talk about his gift he would stop questioning me.

"I'm not sure how or why I can feel it this time. It started last night during your screaming fit and I can feel it every time it pulses stronger around you. I can't feel any of your other emotions aside from the pain and I'm curious about it, it's as though it's radiating out from you and to be honest it's intensity is quite shocking, when you first hit me with it, I was barely able to withstand it." Jasper explained to me.

"I think it has something to do with Edward leaving." I hadn't meant to say anything but it slipped out before I could filter my thoughts.

"Why do you think that's what it's from?" Jasper asked carefully, I looked down at my hands, not wanting to embarrass myself further.

"Bella?" he prompted after a minute and I blinked back my tears as the ache again flared up and I heard Jasper take a step back.

"Because it started when he first decided to leave, even though I didn't know it yet it was like I could feel it. The way that it feels, it's like my soul is reaching out and searching for the other half. I know it sounds stupid but you're right it is strong and it flares up stronger when I think about him. I don't understand it. I've felt pain and this isn't like anything I've ever felt before." I revealed to him and he nodded thoughtfully.

"That makes sense." I had expected him to think that I was insane for thinking that Edward and I were that connected but Jasper continued, "For us, once we're mated, if we spend a long period of time away from each other we feel a pull back together. If we are apart for an extended period or if something happens, or if we were to try to separate, we get a similar pain to what you are describing, but it's nowhere near as strong." I thought about it for a few minutes and felt my heart crack further open, thinking that there was no way that Edward could possibly return my feelings for him if he was able to pull away so completely, so suddenly.

"Where is he?" I whispered and looked to him pleadingly. I had asked the others when they came in earlier but nobody would tell me directly.

"Alice saw him arriving in Alaska but he hasn't decided how long he's going to stay. We have property up there and our 'cousins' are there as well." Jasper informed me and I wondered why everyone had been so secretive about his location before.

"Are you going to be alright?" Jasper had straightened up and stepped closer to me awkwardly.

"I'll be fine... I guess a lot has happened this weekend... I need time to process everything." I took a deep breath and stood up, making my way over to Jasper.

"Thanks for being a great big brother." I said and gave him a quick hug before making my way towards the bed and sitting cross-legged, pulling my bag of school supplies up onto the bed with me. He laughed and made his way towards the door.

"Is it going to be hard for you and Alice to be separated during the day this year?" I asked before he could leave and he paused before turning back around.

"Yes, it's always difficult when we get to this year in the facade. We don't like to be apart from each other." I was glad that it was Jasper I had asked, he had always been open and honest with me. Neither of us said anything else before he left me alone again and somehow even through the steady ache in my chest, I felt a little better knowing that I was with my family.

Alice came into my room a while later as I was trying to organize my closet and jumped in to help me. We worked quietly most of the afternoon and it helped to keep my mind off of Edward and everything that had happened. Esme continued to try and persuade me to eat something but I couldn't manage more than a few mouthfuls before my stomach knotted and I pushed the food away, settling for drinking water after that. When the sun had set Alice told me that her and Jasper were going hunting as had Rosalie and Alice to prepare for school the next day and I stayed up late in my room, knowing that when I did choose to sleep nightmares would come.

I wasn't wrong about the nightmares and spent the night tossing and turning, waking up frequently in a hot sweat, my dreams blending into each other and becoming more horrific as the night went on. When morning arrived I dragged myself out of bed and showered slowly, getting dressed to face what I was sure would be the start of a long year.

Before I made my way downstairs to the kitchen I decided to send Edward a text message, I hadn't contacted him myself since his exit from the house and I needed him to know that I wanted him here even if I was angry with him.

_Edward, wish you would come home, I need you here with me. Love Bella._

I kept it simple and to the point, the pain becoming excruciating as I let my mind dwell on him. I was determined not to beg him but he needed to know how I felt.

When I got down to the kitchen Esme was waiting and offered to make me breakfast which I again declined, picking up a bottle of water to take with me before I headed towards the front door. Alice and Jasper were saying their goodbyes and I stood awkwardly as they kissed and then Jasper left to meet up with Emmett and Rosalie in the Jeep.

"You ready?" she asked me and I was amazed at how nothing could keep Alice down.

"Yeah... I guess." I shrugged and we walked out to the garage together, Alice unlocking Jasper's new pickup truck and flinging her bag in before hopping into the driver's seat. I got in the passenger seat and sighed as we made our way down the driveway and towards the school.

Mine and Alice's schedules were almost identical and I was glad that at least I wouldn't be left alone to face the rest of the Forks High student population and their cruelty. With Alice and I sticking to each other all day it was easy to ignore the others and just focus on my work and I was relieved when lunch rolled around with no incidents.

After lunch however Alice and my schedules differed for a single period before we would meet up again for our last period of the day and I was feeling nervous about the separation.

"Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be fine." Alice whispered as we tossed out our still full trays of food and made our way outside and towards the science building where I would be heading to my senior biology class and Alice would keep going towards her art class.

"Can't I skip biology? Take something else?" I asked her biting my lip nervously. Biology brought back way too many memories for me and I was not ready to face it.

"It was the only other class available for this slot. If you really don't want to go you can hide out in the truck." she offered and I shook my head. This was ridiculous behavior and it was time to stop this nonsense.

"No, I need to do this... I'll meet you in gym." I stood straighter and tried my best to force the painful ache back down into my chest. I took out my phone one last time and checked for messages. Nothing. The pain flared back up but I ignored it, shoving my phone back into my bag and opening the door, moving quickly to find a seat at the back of the class, on the opposite side of the room to where we had sat last year.

As the class shuffled in and found their seats I was grateful that nobody had tried to sit next to me or said anything at all to me. Class began and I tried to pay attention but as it had during my morning classes, my mind began to drift back to Edward and where he was, why he had bothered to play with my emotions the way that he had, the pain beginning to once again consume me.

"There's an empty seat next to Ms. Swan at the back, we're just reviewing what we learned last year." my head snapped up and I realized that I had missed the arrival of the late student in our class but I didn't need to hear his name to know who it was.

"Go sit somewhere else." I hissed at him as he sat in the empty chair and smirked at me, his face showing only amusement. I didn't understand how he could be allowed to share any classes with me, let alone the same lab bench, after what had happened last year.

He didn't answer me as his eyes focused on the front of the classroom and I backed my chair up away from him and towards the wall uncomfortably. I looked around the class and saw that nobody seemed to notice our exchange back here, everybody's focus on the front of the board where projector screens were flashing slowly, reminding us of what we had already learned.

"Your boyfriend isn't here to protect you this time." he sneered as he leaned in towards me and I felt his hand rest roughly against my knee. Something snapped in me at his touch and before I could think about it I had pushed him back from me with as much force as I could muster, effectively causing him to lose his balance and fall off of his chair.

"Keep your hands off of me Mike!" I yelled out loudly as the entire class turned to look at us.

"Ms. Swan?" Mr. Banner asked curiously but I didn't answer, instead picking up my backpack and quickly making my way out of the class and towards the truck where I locked myself in to wait for Alice.

"What happened Bella?" I hadn't been in the truck for more than a minute when she appeared at the door, knocking on the window and startling me. I had been curled up in a ball on the seat, my arms clutched over the pain in my chest and trying not to cry.

I reached up and unlocked the door, allowing Alice to climb in and pull me into her while I tried to tell her what had happened. By the time I was finished she was furious and her phone was at her ear before I could object. I didn't try to listen to her conversation with whoever she had called and when she was done followed her into the school office where we sat in the two chairs in the reception area, Alice tapping her feet impatiently.

"Bella, are you alright?" I heard Esme's voice and welcomed her arms around me as she pulled me away from Alice's embrace and into her own. I didn't speak yet, still overwhelmed by the pain in my chest and embarrassed by my reaction in class and angry at the fact that I couldn't have one normal day.

"Mrs. Cullen, you can come right in, Mr. Greene is waiting for you." Esme straightened up marched directly into the office, Ms. Cope taking a step back at the fierce look on Esme's face. Alice pulled me back to her side and I closed my eyes while we waited.

"Mr. Greene my husband and I are extremely upset by this incident. Bella has had an incredibly difficult year and when we spoke on the phone last week I was assured that she would not be bothered by Mr. Newton this year. It is the first day of class Mr. Greene and there is no excuse why something like this has happened already." Esme's voice could be heard through the thin office walls and Alice squeezed me gently as we listened to her rip into the school principle.

When Esme had finished she stormed out of the office and helped me stand up, supporting most of my weight as she led us out of the school and into Rosalie's car that was parked directly in front of the office blocking the walkway. After helping me into the passenger seat, Esme moved to the driver's side and we made our way back to the house, Alice following in the truck and Carlisle pulling in right after us.

"Come on Bella," I was moving sluggishly, my body not wanting to cooperate with my mind and all I wanted to do was sleep. The pain in my chest had intensified throughout the course of the day and I was still feeling overwhelmed. Esme helped me inside and to my room where I curled up on the bed instinctively pulling my knees up to my chest and hiding in a ball.

"Has she said anything at all?" I could hear Carlisle ask softly from somewhere beside the bed.

"No, Alice said she barely got the story of what happened out before she started to shut down." Esme answered and I cringed at the reminder of the day's events.

"We shouldn't have allowed her to go back so soon, after this weekend, she's overwhelmed... there's only so much that a human mind can go through and I think she's at her breaking point." Carlisle was speaking quietly but I could still hear him.

"What happened? We pulled in the driveway and Jasper collapsed in pain... says it's Bella." Emmett's loud voice came into the room and I curled tighter into myself.

"What do we do?" Esme was sitting with me now and I could feel her fingers combing gently through my hair, trying to soothe me.

"Bella, can you tell me what hurts?" Carlisle was right beside me and I blinked my eyes open to look at him, lowering my knees from my chest and gripping it with my arms. I tried to answer verbally but my mouth wouldn't co-operate and I closed my eyes again in exhaustion.

I felt weak and pathetic. I didn't want to be a human any longer. As a human I had been picked on and tortured, I was a danger magnet and for some reason I had drawn to myself those people with issues who only wanted to hurt me. My humanity was the reason Edward had left. I tried to tell them, the let them know, I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to be like them.

"Oh." I heard Alice's voice squeak and I struggled to stay awake to hear what she had seen.

"I just had a vision of Bella... she was one of us." Alice sounded surprised and I tried to figure out how she had seen that.

"Alice..." Carlisle warned softly and I tried to tell them it was what I wanted, what I needed.

"I'm pretty sure Bella's letting me see her decisions. It's solid Carlisle. She's made the decision to become like us." Alice spoke again and Esme's fingers stopped stroking my head. The room fell silent and I wished that I could force my body to work right.

"Bella, we can't do that." Carlisle had seemed like a father to me but hearing him say that he couldn't help me, couldn't make me like him, crushed me instantly.

"Please." I was finally able to force my mouth to work, and the words still came out hoarse and so quiet I could barely hear it.

"No Bella, we can't do that. Not here, not now." I knew that he wasn't saying not ever, but the rejection washed through me and I began to slip back into the shadows of sleep, my mind only wanting to protect itself from more pain.

"She's almost asleep, everybody out." Esme's hushed voice didn't soothe me any longer and I welcomed the dark recesses of my mind as I tried to understand why they didn't want me.

For the first time in days I slept soundly throughout the remainder of the afternoon and into the night without any nightmares. When I finally rolled over and opened my eyes to the brightness of the next day I cringed at the memory and rubbed at the pain over my heart.

"How are you feeling today Bella?" Rosalie was sitting beside the bed and I licked my lips, trying to get rid of the dryness before speaking.

"It hurts." I croaked out and she sat up, leaning in towards the bed.

"We know sweetie." she said and I tried weakly to sit up.

"Why does it hurt like this?" I managed to ask after I gave up trying to sit and settled for rolling back onto my side and clutching to my chest.

"I think you were right Bella." Carlisle's voice sounded from the doorway and I turned to look at him as he came into the room.

"It hurts because of Edward?" I asked him to verify my assumption.

"We ran some tests between us last night Bella, using Jasper to feel out what happened when one of us made a firm decision to separate from our mate and the pain is very similar to what you are experiencing to a lesser degree. Yesterday Edward left Alaska and we believe he is somewhere near London or on his way there now. We think that's what caused the pain to intensify, combined with the school incident, it's a lot for you to be dealing with at once." Carlisle spoke gently and I felt the ache spread at the news of Edward's recent move.

"As long as he doesn't want to be with me... it's going to always hurt like this?" I questioned Carlisle and he nodded grimly.

"As far as I can tell, yes."

"Has anyone talked to Edward since he left?" I whispered, not sure what I wanted the answer to be.

"No, none of us have been able to reach him, he's been avoiding us and trying to evade Alice's visions as well." Carlisle answered me and I breathed a small sigh of relief.

"Why won't you change me?" I bit my lip as I blurted the question out, my body already exhausted from trying to focus and block out the pain.

"Bella, you are in a vulnerable position right now. You're hurting and as much as we all consider you a part of our family we also can't allow you to make that decision right now. One day in the future when you are in a better position to make that choice I will revisit the topic with you and if you decide that this is what you want then I will honor your decision." Carlisle made me the promise and I watched as Rosalie frowned from beside the bed.

"What if he never comes back and I stay like this? I'm weak and I'm broken Carlisle, what if I'm never well enough to make that choice?" I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and Rosalie stood up and left the room, Alice taking her place.

"Bella, I know that right now Edward is being stubborn but from my visions of him, I can see that he's in pain like you are, he doesn't want to be away from you but he doesn't understand that you need him as much as he needs you. He'll come back eventually." Alice tried to assure me but succeeded to make me feel worse.

"I'm a disaster." I muttered to no one in particular and closed my eyes again.

"No Bella, you're not." Carlisle's voice was firm but I couldn't believe him.

"I couldn't even get through a single day of high school. I am a disaster and nobody wants me. Look at me... I don't want to be this way, be this dependent on Edward and I keep trying to push it away and move on but I'm just not strong enough." I rolled away from them and ignored their protests as the ache pulsed out of me, again incapacitating me.

I woke up at various times throughout the day, only managing to fight the pain for short periods at a time before the exhaustion would creep back up and take over. The pain was unbearable and I didn't know what else to do to deal with it so I shut down and chose not to fight it.

"Alice?" I croaked out late in the afternoon and felt her breeze into the room.

"I need to use the washroom and I can't get up." I choked out quietly and she helped me out of the bed and towards the washroom. The humiliation rolled through me as she helped me complete my business and then helped me back to bed.

"Can you pass me my phone?" I asked weakly as she tucked me back into the blankets and handed me a glass of water.

_Edward, please come back, please... it hurts so badly. Bella._

I slowly typed the letters and sent him the message, praying that he would see it and decide to come back.

"Carlisle wants you to try and eat something now Bella." Alice told me and I nodded my head. Esme brought in a small plate of food and I took three small bites before my stomach protested and I pushed the food away, physically unable to eat anything else.

I laid back in the bed and sipped the glass of water, trying to at least keep my body hydrated so that I didn't get any weaker. The similarities between how I felt now and my pregnancy with Anna were running through my mind and I closed my eyes as I thought of her.

"Are you okay Bella?" Alice had seen the change in my face and I tried to focus on her.

"It's okay, I was just thinking about Anna. I'm fine." I said quietly and pushed my memories back. I didn't need to be dealing with that right now too. I closed my eyes again and told Alice I was going to go back to sleep, fighting the pain becoming too much again.

"Call me if you need anything." Alice told me and I heard her leave the room, the click of the door signaling her departure.

The next several days passed by in a similar manner, my body becoming weak from the pain that was almost eating me. I slept most of the time, the pain completely encasing me, affecting my entire body. None of us had heard from Edward and Alice's visions were sporadic, giving no indication of his location. Carlisle had been forced to put an IV into my arm after the fourth day without food and being barely able to drink water, and Esme had brought me down into the living room to make it easier for me to be with the family.

"I think it's time to consider what Bella asked." I was still partially encompassed in a sleepy haze and had no idea of what day or what time it was when I heard Esme speak softly.

"Esme, I'm not sure that she's strong enough to survive it right now." Carlisle answered, his voice sounded tired.

"You can't take that from her." Rosalie jumped into the conversation and I wondered if they were really discussing this right here and now.

"Look at her Rosie, she's practically dying and it's what she wanted." Emmett spoke softly but firmly and it saddened me that he was no longer happy and joking around.

"The pain will only transfer if I change her... and her body is too weak now, there's a good chance her heart wouldn't survive it." Carlisle spoke again.

"Her pain is more intense than anything I've ever felt Carlisle... I think we need to go track Edward and drag his stubborn ass back here. I think it's the only way." Jasper interjected and I wanted them to stop talking about this in front of me.

"Has it gotten worse again Jasper?" Carlisle asked him curiously and I felt another pulse as another wave rolled off of me.

"Yes. It gets continually worse and I've been researching. As you all know it is unheard of in our world for a vampire to become mated to a human. We almost always mate with one of our own kind. However I was able to find out about a couple who were similar to Bella and Edward. He was a vampire and she was a human, they were deeply connected and didn't like to be apart from one another. They claimed there was an electricity of sorts that ran between them and bound them. Unfortunately the Volturi found out about this couple and he was punished for allowing a human to know of us. He was killed first while she watched and the instant he died, supposedly her heart stopped beating at the same time without them touching her." Jasper concluded his story and I felt a tear drip down my cheek, knowing that this was the truth.

"Jasper and Alice... do you think that you can find him and bring him back?" Esme asked urgently and I tried to open my eyes.

"He... didn't... want... me." I whispered and felt a cool hand on my forehead.

"Did you hear all of that Bella?" Carlisle asked and I croaked out a weak 'yes'.

"I'm sorry." I let the tears continue as my family discussed where Alice and Jasper were going to begin their search.

The next time I opened my eyes, they were already gone.

_**A/N: I am back from vacation now and should be back to posting more frequently, it will probably be about every 2- 3 days for this story as I am heavily editing each chapter as I post them. Also, I know a lot of you probably don't like where you think this story is headed and that's fine, I hope you'll stick around but if you choose not to, I understand. Also – Bella is not pregnant again just in case some of you were thinking along those lines. **_


	16. Fading

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, some smut.**

The next time I opened my eyes, they were already gone.

The house was eerily quiet and as I blinked my eyes, forcing myself awake I looked around the cavernous living room of the Cullen house and realized that I was alone. Over the past several days the house had been tense during the short periods where I had been at a level conscious enough to hear what was happening and during those times I had never been left by myself.

"Esme?" I croaked the words, pushing them out as loudly as I could manage, though it was barely louder than a whisper.

The house remained silent as I peered out the back window, seeing the darkness but having no concept of what time or day it was. I struggled with everything in me to try and sit up, to move so that the awkward pain in my neck would be relieved but I found myself frustrated instead, collapsing back to the same position, my energy spent.

The pain continued to pulse out of my body as though it was a living part of me, something that was searching, reaching, struggling to hold on and find something solid to cling to, needing something – or someone – needing Edward.

His name on my mind caused the pains to ripple out even further, pulling even deeper and I struggled to breathe through it and regain the slight bit of control that I had managed to hold over it. As I did so, anger coursed through me and I felt the fire in my heart, the hatred for what I had become.

I thought back throughout what Charlie had done, to the darkest days of torture that my mind and body had endured while I had lived with him. Through the abuse that Jacob had put me through, the endless days where I had thought that I would be subjected to him and his twisted mind forever, through the loss of my child, my daughter. I had survived it all and yet here I was now. Laying on a couch by myself, unable to stand, unable to eat, unable to use the washroom without assistance. How had I allowed this to happen, allowed for myself to collapse in misery because of some jerk who had used me and then decided that he didn't want me.

He wasn't worth it.

As the final thoughts penetrated my mind I felt the pain intensify beyond anything I had yet experienced, an implosion within my very soul as the pain encompassed me, surrounded me.

"Bella?" I tried to focus on the familiar voice through the unbearable pain but found it nearly impossible.

"Come on Bella, I'm here with you." the voice was trying to soothe me and I grasped onto it, a lifeline that I began to cling to.

"I know it hurts sweetie... just hang on a little longer." Esme had picked me up and puled my head into her lap as she continued to talk to me, to encourage me.

I heard myself moan as I managed to again pull the pain back to a level that was no longer consuming me and felt Esme sigh behind me.

"That's it Bella, you'll be okay." she said and I felt my body begin to shut down again, the pain being replaced by exhaustion.

"It's getting worse Carlisle... look at the pain that she was in just now, we haven't seen her that bad before now." Esme spoke softly while I stayed on the outskirts of sleep.

"I know, I don't know how much longer she'll be able to hold on." Carlisle replied to her and I knew what he meant. I could feel death getting closer. The room went quiet as I felt Esme continue to rub my back softly, and I wondered if Carlisle had left the room again.

"Alice?" his voice sounded a few minutes later from somewhere beside Esme.

"When will you get back?" he asked and I struggled to keep myself from falling completely into the abyss of sleep.

"She's not doing well..." his voice trailed off and I waited to hear what else he would say. Had Alice and Jasper found Edward? Were they bringing him back here?

"Are you sure?" I couldn't stand that I was only hearing Carlisle's side of the conversation and wished yet again that I was like them... that I could hear both sides.

"Alright. We'll see you soon." his tone was happy and I had a feeling that Alice's call hadn't been to report something positive.

"Did they find him?" I forced my lips to move and utter my question, letting them know that I had heard his side of the conversation.

"I'm sorry Bella, not yet." Carlisle answered me and I felt a breeze as he moved in front of me, taking my wrist in his hand and checking me over before he spoke again.

"Alice just called to tell us that she thinks that she knows where he may be and they are going to head to Russia next." Carlisle wasn't telling me something and I wanted to know what it was.

"I'm so tired..."

"It's alright Bella, you can go back to sleep." Esme interrupted me.

"No... please... tell me... where's Edward?" I begged quietly, forcing my eyes to open and look between my two foster parents. Carlisle looked defeated as he looked to Esme and then back to me.

"Edward and Alice have always been extremely close Bella. Edward knowing Alice and knowing how to work around her visions has been avoiding her or sending her on false trails since he left. A little while ago though Alice had a very strong vision of Edward in Russia, it looks like he's become extremely weak and allowed one of his decisions to get through to Alice." he paused and looked up to Esme questioningly before continuing.

"He hasn't been feeding and it looks as though he is in pain as well as seeing things, hearing voices... he's not all there right now." Carlisle explained and I felt my heart clench again.

"Alice and Jasper will get him to come home Bella." Esme assured me and I closed my eyes again, not really believing that they would.

I stopped fighting against sleep and let it once again take me, my mind tormented with nightmares through the remainder of the night.

"Who could that be?" Rosalie's hushed whisper pulled my mind out of the fog and I could see the brightness of day begin to penetrate my world.

"I'll get the door, everyone else stay here." Carlisle ordered and I looked around to see that Esme still head my head on a pillow on her lap and Emmett and Rose were sitting chairs directly across from us.

"Mrs. White, please come in." I heard Carlisle greet the visitor a few seconds after the door bell sounded.

"Who's that?" Rosalie whispered and I wondered the same thing.

"Mrs. White is the social worker assigned to Bella." Esme answered and my mind snapped open at that information, a single brief meeting with the woman months before replaying in my mind.

"I'm sorry to stop by without warning Dr. Cullen," Mrs. White spoke from the front entry and I tried to focus my attention back to their conversation. "But we've had some concerns regarding Isabella. It has come to our attention that she dropped out of school this year and we are looking into this information." the woman explained and I cringed at the way she said it... as though the Cullens were somehow suspicious and doing something wrong.

"I'm sorry, we should have called to let you know what has been happening." Carlisle replied politely.

"Isabella turned eighteen last week and while we would normally stop investigations into her whereabouts at this age, since the period began before her birthday I have just a few questions... is she still living here?" Mrs. White asked, her tone friendly but professional. I was only slightly surprised that I had slept through my birthday.

"Yes, actually she is. We consider Bella a part of our family and are willing to let her stay here as long as she would like." Carlisle replied.

"And do you know why she has dropped out of school this year after a successful year last year?" she again questioned him as though he was some sort of suspect.

"Actually yes, Bella has fallen quite ill and is unable at this time to attend public school. We are tutoring her and when she recovers she will be returning to classes." Carlisle explained, still polite but slightly defensive.

"May I speak with Isabella?" she asked and I felt myself pull back towards Esme automatically.

"I believe that she's awake although she may not be very responsive. I will allow you to come in and speak to her very briefly but I have to ask that you not upset her in any way." Carlisle's words were firm as he spoke them to her and I their heard footsteps begin down the hallway.

"Are you awake Bella?" Carlisle approached me, kneeling down to face me as he spoke.

"Yes." I managed to whisper and I felt Esme squeeze my shoulder gently, reassuringly.

"Mrs. White, the social worker is here to see you." Carlisle told me and I nodded very slightly as he stood back up and I saw the dark haired woman standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, gawking at me.

"Hello Isabella." the woman forced a smile on her face once she had regained her composure.

"Hi." I managed to squeak out, fighting to keep my eyes open and pay attention to whatever it was that she wanted to say to me.

"I'm just here to do a little visit and make sure that you're okay here Isabella." she spoke and then waited as though I was supposed to reply to her.

"I'm okay." I swallowed the dry lump in my throat.

"And you are happy here with the Cullen family?" she asked and I wished I had the energy to roll my eyes at this woman.

"Yes, they're my family." I told her quietly and it looked as though she was straining to hear me.

"May I have a word with you Dr. Cullen?" it looked like Mrs. White had more that she wanted to say to me, but the shock of seeing me weakened and sickly on the couch had thrown her off.

"Yes of course, let's go into my office." he spoke up quickly and I was glad to have this woman leave us alone.

Once they made their way to Carlisle's office the conversation was lost to me but I had no doubt the woman was asking about my illness and Carlisle was giving her some sort of probable excuse to explain my condition.

"Do you think she'll be back?" I had started to doze off again when Emmett's voice woke me up followed by a light breeze as someone – presumably Carlisle – came back into the room.

"No, I think she was just following up with the missing school and making sure that nothing is going on here, she seemed to accept the story about Bella being ill." Carlisle answered and I opened my eyes again, looking up at him.

"She also said that someone from Phoenix has been looking for you, that's how they were alerted to you not being in classes this year." Carlisle looked at me as he spoke and I felt my curiosity spike.

"Who's been looking for me?" I asked as loudly as I could.

"Mrs. White left their contact information for you... Brinley Maddox." Carlisle told me and I was surprised to hear my friend's name.

"She was my only friend in Phoenix..." I told no one in particular, feeling horrible for practically forgetting about her, for causing her to worry.

"I have her contact information for you if you want to call or email her." Carlisle told me but I knew I never would, I couldn't get her involved in this life.

"I'm sorry for being such a nuisance." I apologized quietly, willing myself to gather the strength to get better, to not let Edward's absence be my demise.

"Bella, you are our family and you haven't done anything wrong." Esme helped me sit up when she saw me struggling to do so, letting me lean against her shoulder for support.

"You must think that I'm pathetic." I muttered quietly.

"Bella, stop. You are not pathetic... in fact we all think that you are the strongest human that we've ever met. Before Jasper left he projected the pain that you are feeling to us all and not one of us was able to stand against it, none of us has ever felt something so strong." Esme scolded me and I wanted to believe her... I was strong... not weak... but I couldn't.

I stayed in an upright position as Esme began to speak to the others about a possible move once things were settled, everyone jumping in and giving their opinions on good locations to live. They tried to include me in the conversation but I couldn't concentrate and quickly found myself drifting back off to sleep.

"Are you alright Bella?" I heard Emmett's voice as I groaned in pain and attempted to roll over, gripping my chest as it constricted tighter, my breathing becoming difficult. I could tell that I was laying back down on the couch as I finally managed to roll from my back to my side.

"Bella? Come on Bella, hang on." Emmett's voice sounded panicked as I felt his hand rest on my shoulder.

"Carlisle, get back here now. Something's wrong with Bella... she's hardly breathing." Emmett's voice sounded into his phone as I tried to control the pain, lock it back down inside my chest yet again.

"Come on Bella, breathe, keep breathing." Emmett lifted me into a sitting position and rubbed my back as I continued to gasp for air, continued to try and push down the pain.

"I... can't... fight... it..." I gasped in exhaustion, my body wanting to quit, my mind almost ready as well.

"Don't stop Bella, don't stop breathing." Emmett's voice was getting further away and as hard as I tried, I just couldn't keep myself going.

"What happened Emmett?" Rosalie's voice faintly registered.

"She woke up in pain and I don't know what to do... Carlisle's on his way back, she's barely here though, she can't breathe." Emmett's voice answered her.

"Alice has him... she has Edward." At his name I felt completely strangled, the remaining breath leaving my body, the fog pulling me under, draining me.

"She's dying Rosie..." Emmett pleaded with her.

"We can't... we can't change her." Rosalie's voice wavered.

"Yes we can Rosie... it's what she wanted."

"Please." I choked out with one last gasp, my air supply gone, the blackness closing in.

"Damn it." Rosalie's voice was defeated, and the last thing that I heard before I felt the sting in my wrist, the burning that instantly began to spread.


	17. Bella's Change

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, some smut.**

"_**Damn it." Rosalie's voice was defeated, and the last thing that I heard before I felt the sting in my wrist, the burning that instantly began to spread. **_

It felt like hours that I struggled to keep myself breathing as the sting of the venom spread throughout my body, igniting it, setting it on fire, while Emmett ensured that my heart kept pumping. Eventually breathing became slightly easier as the pain continued to grow, to get far worse as my heart's rhythm finally steadied.

I knew the feeling of the venom instantly as each of the vampires in the house had described it in great detail to me when telling me of how they had gotten to where they were now. But although I knew that I was changing, that the burning that had began in my wrist and quickly spread throughout my entire body was what I wanted, I was confused as to why I was changing, who had changed me.

"What happened?" I was struggling to keep myself still as the venom coursed through my veins, my heart pumping it repeatedly through my body which currently felt as though it must have been reduced to ash already. Carlisle's hand touched my wrist as he spoke and the coolness of his own fingers which should have been calming to me only served to leave a scorching trail where the touched. In response I hissed in pain, resisting the urge to scream.

"I... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have..." Rosalie's voice was soft and apologetic, I assumed because she hadn't stopped Emmett.

"What happened?" Carlisle repeated the question with a slight growl.

"She was on the couch with me Carlisle and then she just woke up and the pain that she was in was obvious, she was clutching her chest and she couldn't breathe, it was like she was being strangled. Rosie came in and when her heart started missing beats and we couldn't pull her out of it... well we didn't know what else to do." Emmett's voice sounded so sad that I wished I could comfort him, tell him that it was all right.

"You changed her Emmett?" Carlisle confirmed.

"No... Rosie changed her while I made sure the venom spread." I felt the shock hit me at his words. Rosalie had changed me? Rosalie couldn't have done it... she was the last person that would have ever done something like that.

"Rosalie? Did you..." Obviously Carlisle was just as shocked as I was at Emmett's announcement as he couldn't quite complete his sentence.

"Is she going to be okay?" Rosalie's voice was quiet a few minutes later as I concentrated on the pain, concentrated on what was happening so that I wouldn't scream and writhe in agony.

"I... I don't know. The venom seems to be spreading fine but her heart is still erratic. If it stops before the change is complete..." his voice trailed off and I hissed as I felt the scorching pain as his arms gently reached under my knees and shoulders, picking me up.

"I'm sorry Bella, I'm just taking you upstairs." He apologized and I nearly choked on my tongue to avoid crying out as the rush of cold air hit my exposed skin during the brief journey from the family room to whichever other room he had decided to place me in.

Once Carlisle had placed my body down on the soft surface I heard him pull a chair up next to the bed and the slight rush of air as he sat down in it.

I braced myself against the pain as the burning continued to spread, the pain was excruciating and although the burning sensation was different than anything that I'd ever felt, it was the pain of being separated from Edward on top of it that was what caused me to finally break down and begin to moan out loud, I had to do something to release some of the painful feelings.

"Carlisle!" Esme's voice was shocked as she entered the room and I felt a sudden surge of strength through the pain.

"She's okay Esme... her heart's getting better... the physical change is already underway." Carlisle's voice was quiet.

"Rosalie told me what happened." she told him softly as I heard her move further into the room.

"Esme..." I choked the words out... the first thing I had said since the burning had began.

"Ssh, it's alright Bella. I know it hurts." she whispered and I felt her weight shift the bed as she sat down next to me.

"Stay... with... me... Mom..." I didn't want to demand anything but it was all that I could manage to say as the inferno racing through my body intensified, leaving me gasping for air as I felt my heart constrict.

"I'm here Bella, I'll stay with you. Just keep breathing... keep your heart going... I know it hurts sweetie, but I need you to be strong just a little longer, you're doing so good." her voice was soothing to me as I felt my heart rate first dip and then skyrocket, feeling as though it was going to burst out of my chest.

"I don't know if her heart is strong enough to make it through the change." I heard Carlisle mutter and I tried not to focus on his words. I would make it through, I was strong enough, I would make it through.

"She's stronger than any of us. She'll make it." Esme's voice was firm and I wondered if she wasn't trying to convince herself more than Carlisle.

I squeezed my eyes shut, scrunching up my face as I fought against the inferno ripping through my body, fought against my chest constricting due to Edward's absence. Alice and Jasper were bringing Edward back. If I wanted to survive this I had to be strong enough, I had to keep fighting.

Gradually the pain intensified to a point where I was glad when I blacked out, the pain stretching even into my unconscious state but at least while I was like this I didn't feel as if I had to work as hard to fight it. While the pain coursed through me I let myself think back to my happiest memories – my mom and Phil, Brinley, Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. When I felt myself being pulled back out and back to being aware I continued to allow moans to escape at the torturous amounts of pain my body was experiencing.

The cycle of pain and unconsciousness continually repeated itself as time slipped by slowly, while I tried my best to remember that this would soon end, soon there would be no more pain. But that wasn't true and I knew it. The pain of not being with Edward would still be there.

"Alice. Thank God." Esme sighed and I wondered briefly through the pain what she was talking about as I hadn't sensed any change in the house.

"I'm sorry Bella... I'm sorry we couldn't find him sooner." Alice's voice had never sounded sweeter to me as I heard her make her way into the room.

"Where is he?" Esme's voice was suddenly angry and I heard another set of footsteps as someone arrived in the room with us.

"Jasper couldn't come anywhere near the house because of the pain she's in. He says he's never seen a change this painful... she feels both the pain of the burning and the pain of the separation. It's even more excruciating for her than it should be. Because he couldn't come in he decided to force Edward to hunt with him before they came back." Alice's voice was full of her usual bubbly energy but there was a hint of anger there too.

As Alice explained that Jasper had taken – no forced – Edward to go hunting with him I felt my heart clench and the pain once again spike at the knowledge that Edward still didn't want to be here with us... with me. He was only back here because Alice and Jasper had forced him to come.

"He's not to step foot in this house until Bella's change is complete." Carlisle spoke firmly as Esme whispered soothing words in my ear, trying to calm me down.

"How much longer does she have Carlisle? It's too difficult to see around her and whatever it is that blocks her from my visions." Alice asked him and I wondered the answer to that question myself.

"She should still have about a day left... but looking at her I believe the physical change is already complete... normally the outward physical and internal changes line up to about the same time frame." Carlisle's voice was concerned and I worried about what sort of freak I was.

"You're doing so good sweetheart, you're almost there." Esme whispered soothingly and I felt the back of her hand caress my cheek, her fingers no longer cold against my skin.

Carlisle and Alice left the room again and I heard them as they made their way downstairs and out the back door, where I was barely able to pick up Rosalie and Emmett's voices as they asked about me and how I was doing. My senses were getting stronger and I told myself that it wouldn't be much longer now. I only had to hold on for a little while longer.

For the next little while I concentrated on my senses as they continued to get stronger, noting the various smells and sounds around me, feeling my awe grow as they extended to outside the house and I acclimated myself to each of the individual sounds and scents.

Once they had extended as far as I was sure that they were going to get I had nothing else to concentrate on and instead focused on the pain as I felt it gradually begin to move out of the very tips of my body – out of my fingers and my toes – moving towards my heart which was now solidly thumping in my chest.

"You're almost done now Bella, just a few more minutes." I let out a soft moan as the pain concentrated even further towards my chest, Edward's pain becoming more and more pronounced as the burning moved in on top of it.

"Bella, hang on honey." Esme's voice was gentle as I felt my back arch off the bed, the pain now solely concentrated in my chest as I felt myself gasping for air, my heart racing, so loud and hard I wanted to reach in and rip it right out.

Finally it exploded... the pain seemed as though it burst completely out of my chest as my heart thudded one last time and I lifted my hand instinctively to feel the hole that I thought must be there. No hole. But the pain wasn't gone either. It was halved, but the Edward pain was still there, still aching.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice was cautious as he broke me out of my self evaluation and I sucked in a deep unnecessary breath as I realized this was it... the change was done.


	18. A Vampire

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, some smut.**

"_**Bella?" Carlisle's voice was cautious as he broke me out of my self evaluation and I sucked in a deep unnecessary breath as I realized this was it... the change was done. **_

"Carlisle?" my voice chimed out, startling me with the new tone as I took in Carlisle's features from across the room, the beauty that I was seeing making me realize exactly how weak my senses had been when I was merely human.

"How are you feeling Bella?" Esme's voice was somehow softer and I looked at her, her face showing nothing but concern from beside Carlisle and I wondered when she had moved away from me.

"I'm... I feel... I don't really know." Carlisle and Esme exchanged a concerned look and I tried to explain further.

"I just... I feel like me... it still aches," I rubbed my chest absently, "my throat it burns a little..." my hands made their way up to my throat, rubbing it absently as I looked around the room, taking in all of the new details that I had never before been able to see, "It's a little much... so much detail..." I finished off as I continued to stare at my surroundings.

"Does it hurt anywhere else Bella... burn anywhere aside from your throat?" Carlisle asked cautiously and I shook my head no.

"Just the ache in my chest..." I said and sat up on the bed, moving so quickly I thought that I should feel nauseous and smiled when I realized that I wouldn't feel that way again, that I could move as quick as the others now.

"Are you okay with the change?" Esme asked, her voice full of concern, her face still concerned.

"Yes... I'm fine with it." I spoke quietly, looking at Esme who smiled at me lightly before coming slowly over to me and wrapping her arms around me in a hug.

"Thank you." I whispered in Esme's ear as she held me and I closed my eyes, grateful that I could no longer cry.

"Come on Bella, let's take you hunting." Esme smiled as she pulled back from me and took my hand in hers, following Carlisle as he left the room ahead of us.

"I don't know... What if I don't know what to do?" I whispered quietly to Esme as we headed out of the house and towards the forest, my nerves getting the better of me as I realized that I was about to go hunting for my dinner for the first time.

"Don't worry Bella, it's all very natural." Carlisle assured me from just in front of us before I watched him take off running. Esme and I picked up speed quickly, following him through the trees and I couldn't help laughing at the freedom I was feeling, the complete exhilaration of running that I had never been able to experience before.

"Is that...?" I questioned as I caught the faint scent of something musty, not as appealing as I had hoped but I felt my senses taking over before I could listen for their answer and was soon crouched in front of a herd of Elk, pouncing quickly and sinking my teeth easily into it's neck. The warm blood flowing down my throat and soothing the burn momentarily.

"Well done Bella." Carlisle praised as I shoved the carcass away from my body, standing up and looking around at my surroundings. When my eyes finally found their way down to my front I gasped in shock.

"I made quite a mess." I laughed nervously as Esme walked slowly towards me.

"Are you still thirsty dear?" She asked me and I shook my head no. I didn't feel as though my thirst was fully quenched but I also knew that with only animals it never would be, and the burn had dulled down to just an annoying ache in my throat. I didn't want to hunt again yet, what I wanted was to find out where Edward was and why he had even bothered coming back.

"I want to see him." I said looking to Carlisle who shook his head softly, giving me a slight smirk.

"Of course you do Bella, let's get you back to the house and I'll call Jasper and tell him to meet us back there with Edward." Carlisle told me before picking up his phone and dialing the number. Esme grabbed a hold of my arm and we began to walk back towards the house, Carlisle following several yards behind us.

"Do you have any questions dear? Anything that you need?" she asked me as we walked and I contemplated her question for a while.

"Not really... I just... you'll help me so that I don't hurt anyone... right?" I asked worriedly, not wanted her to know just how terrified I really was that I would slip up.

"Of course not Bella! We'll all be here to help you as well." she assured me and I smiled at her.

"Are we going to move?" I asked curiously, wondering what was going to happen.

"Yes, we're hoping to be out of here in just a few weeks. It will be easier for you if we go somewhere a little more remote for a while." she replied.

"What if... what if Edward still doesn't want me?" I asked Esme suddenly, the thought plaguing my mind as I imagined them taking their son back, allowing him to stay and getting rid of me so that I wouldn't upset the family.

"I don't know what is going on with Edward Bella, and I'm so so sorry that he has put you through so much with his actions. But Bella, as much as I think of Edward as my son, you are also my daughter... no matter what. I hope that you know that we all love you Bella, we all want you to stay with us." she stopped and turned me to look at her, an anger flashing through her eyes as she spoke.

"But... but Edward was the first?" I questioned, not understanding why I was so special.

"Edward may have been the first, but you were the last and not one of my children is more important than another. I love you all." Esme pulled me into her arms and I hugged her back tightly, never wanting to let go.

"Everyone is in the living room waiting for us already." Carlisle spoke as he caught up to us and I peered through the trees ahead to see that we were almost back at the house already. "Do you want to go upstairs and clean up first?" Carlisle asked me as Esme grabbed one of Carlisle's hands and one of my own. I simply nodded as we again began walking, slightly quicker, this time in silence.

When we reached the house, we went in through the front door, Carlisle going to the living room and Esme and I moving immediately up the stairs and into my room where Esme helped me change into a fresh pair of Jeans and a T-Shirt. I was grateful to her as she showed me how to pull the clothes on with just the right amount of pressure so as not to rip them.

"Are you ready?" she asked after I had washed my face and pulled my hair up into a braid, the shock of seeing my own eyes in the mirror as I did so still evident on my face.

"Yes. Let's go." I said looking away from my reflection, Esme's arm wrapping around my shoulders as my left arm clutched at the invisible pain in my chest.

We made our way back downstairs and I paused just outside of the living room, trying to gather my thoughts together and calm down before facing Him, I wasn't sure if I was ready yet.

"Bella?" I heard his voice from across the living room and that was all that it took for my anger to return full force and my feet to move through the entrance, taking in the room before me as I did so. Edward was being restrained in a chair, Emmett and Jasper each holding one of his shoulders, Edward's face filled with anger as he watched me from his corner.

I vaguely registered the Rosalie as she nervously played with her hands on a separate chair and Alice glaring at Edward from her spot on the floor by Rosalie before I turned and fled from the room, no longer able to take the look of hatred that Edward had been sending my way. As I ran through the house and out the door I heard a loud crack and Edward's muttered ow, but I didn't stop and didn't slow down until I was deep in the forest, collapsing against a large boulder as I sank to my knees and allowed the sobs to come freely.

I sobbed dryly into my hands, the weeks of torture while Edward had been gone filling my memory fully as I continued to see his eyes, the anger and hatred as he looked at me. I cried at the knowledge that he hadn't come back because he wanted to, because he wanted me... but because I was weak, and in pain, and they dragged him back. The pain swelled deeper in my chest and I clutched it tightly, curling in on myself as though it would somehow stop the pain.

"Bella?" I cast my eyes up to her as she knelt down beside me and pulled me up to a sitting position on the forest floor.

"I'm... I'm sorry." I stuttered out as I wiped at invisible tears on my cheek, almost angry that there weren't any there.

"Don't Bella." Rosalie told me firmly as I rocked back and forth, the pain in my chest throbbing.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have run like that... but he..."

"Don't Bella. Don't let him destroy you like this. You are better than that." Rosalie's voice was cold, but I knew it wasn't directed at me. She was just as angry at Edward as I was and I knew that she was right. I was letting him do this to me, I was letting him cause me to doubt myself, my worth.

"You're right." I said simply, rubbing the ache in my chest one last time as I pulled myself together and stood up, wiping the leaves and dirt from my clothes.

"Good. Now let's go kick his ass." Rosalie grabbed my hand and together we ran back to the house, my own anger bubbling out, my venom pumping like adrenaline through my veins as I readied myself to give him a piece of my mind.

**A/N: I want to again apologize that my updates are sporadic and will be for the next little while until life settles down where I am. I also want to apologize to those of you who got your hopes up that Bella would kick Edward's ass this chapter... I promise though it's coming... she just needed a little encouragement. Hope you all enjoy and as always, thank you for all of your kind reviews. **


	19. Angry and Stubborn

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, some smut.**

"_**Good. Now let's go kick his ass." Rosalie grabbed my hand and together we ran back to the house, my own anger bubbling out, my venom pumping like adrenaline through my veins as I readied myself to give him a piece of my mind.**_

By the time that Rosalie and I made our way back to the house, Edward had managed to break free from Emmett and Jasper's hold and taken off out of the house and into the forest. During our run back to the house my temper had calmed slightly, enough for me to enter the house without breaking anything, but when I heard that he had left the anger left me completely, my body instantly crumpling to the floor, my head buried in my hands as I felt the pain... a pain that had been so intense before my change shoot out from me, crippling even my stronger vampire body. The adrenaline like feeling I had been experiencing fading quickly from my body.

"Bella?" Jasper breathed out and I felt a hand on my shoulder. Peeking up through my hands I saw Jasper's pained expression from beside me, it was his hand that I felt on my shoulder as the rest of the family stood behind him, watching us with sympathetic expressions.

"It... hurts..." I tried to sit up taller, to push the pain down. I was different now, I was a vampire. This pain I was feeling was ridiculous and I shouldn't have to put up with it.

_I can fight this, I can do this. _I thought to myself as I felt my body collapse again, not wanting to co-operate with my mind.

_You're weak. You're pathetic. Nobody wants you. You're worthless. You aren't even strong as a vampire. _Charlie's voice echoed in my mind as I continued to try to fight the pain, the reminder causing my sobs to start.

"Bella, fight it. I know it hurts, but you'll get through this. We're all here with you and we love you Bella." As Jasper spoke the words to me, both of his hands resting on each of my shoulders I felt the love pour into me, I grasped onto the love of my family and pulled myself together, the pain still dominant in my chest as I pulled my body up off of the ground but I could also feel my family's love for me fighting for it's place in my heart.

"That's it Bella. You are worth it, we all want you, we all love you." Jasper continued to pour the love from my family into my body and I continued to push the pain down. But as much as I wanted it to be, it still wasn't enough as I saw Edward's angry eyes flash through my memory, saw the way that he was being held against his will so that I could see him.

"I'm sorry Jasper... I... I can't." I collapsed back down to the ground, the pain bubbling back up and winning the fight for my body as it intensified to a level that I hadn't yet experienced. Jasper's hands left my shoulders and I watched as he fell beside me, curling up into a ball and letting out a loud scream as my pain hit him, the rest of the family falling for an instant as I felt Jasper begin to accidentally project it before gaining control.

"Bella?" His velvety smooth voice didn't cause me to melt as it so often had in the early days of our relationship. While I laid crippled on the floor, in pain and struggling to force it back, his voice did nothing but elicit an anger within me that I had never before felt.

"You!" I heard Alice hiss from where she had gathered at Jasper's side and I turned to look at the door where _he_ was standing, his face frozen and unreadable.

As I sat there and allowed the anger to take over from the pain, it gave me the push I needed to pull myself up off the ground and force myself to stand, my hands clenched tightly into fists at my side.

Before I had a chance to move towards him I watched as first Rosalie and then Esme approached Edward, each of them taking the opportunity slap him open-handed across his cheek, his eyes widening in surprise at their actions.

"Bella..." he began once the shock had worn off and that was all it took to force my feet to move, the venom once again acting as adrenaline, giving my body the energy it needed.

"Bella?" his eyes once again widened as I approached him and although my fists were raised it was my foot that landed on his chest, pushing him back out through the door he had come in from and out into the yard. I watched as his body slammed into a tree, listening to the loud crack before watching it fall into the forest, resting against another larger tree.

"Bella... please..." he didn't have a chance to continue before I was again standing in front of him, delivering a blow to his face with my fist, a knee to his stomach.

"Bella... please... I'm... sorry!" he sputtered out between my blows to his body, the anger I was feeling taking on a mind of it's own as I used him as a punching bag.

"You... you're... sorry?" I cried out angrily, the emotional exhaustion setting in, my blows getting further apart the longer this went on.

"Bella, that's enough." I felt Jasper's arms pull my own back behind me, locking me in place. I didn't fight him as the pain warred with the anger, again taking over and causing my body to ache.

"Will you please let me explain Bella?" Edward asked coming closer to me, his eyes boring into my own. I couldn't take the intensity of his gaze and combined with the pain which was steadily growing stronger again began to feel overwhelmed. I turned and buried my face in Jasper's shirt, squeezing my eyes shut as his arm wrapped around my back protectively.

"Edward, enough." Jasper ordered as I heard Edward begin to growl, Jasper turning us around and leading me back towards the house, still in his arms, Alice's hand now stroking my head as I tried to calm down again.

I felt the rush of warm air against my icy skin as I entered the living room before I felt Esme's arms pull me out from Jasper's protective embrace and I curled my body into her side as we sat down on the sofa, leaving my face buried beneath my hair as I waited for whatever was next.

"Edward." Esme's tone was cold and I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, not wanting to be the reason that she was now angry at her son.

"Bella..." he began and then paused as though he was waiting for me to do something, to say something. But I couldn't, I stayed frozen at Esme's side, not able to will my body to move or my mouth to speak.

"Bella I..." he paused again.

"Just say whatever it is you need to say." Rosalie spat at him and I heard him sigh from across the room.

"I'm sorry Bella." I heard the rustle of his clothes as he shifted just before I felt the rush of air move past me. I forced my head to look up, my eyes darting around the room and searching for him as the pain overtook me once again.

_He left. He left me again._ I thought to myself as I grabbed at my chest and pulled away from Esme. I was suddenly feeling crowded and needed to be alone. Struggling to move I stood up through the pain and went as quickly as the pain allowed to the door, moving into the yard and to the woods, sitting down on the earth in the little clearing, by the stone that marked my daughter's grave.

The family must have sensed that I needed to be my myself because nobody followed me. I was left alone with my thoughts, with my pain while the day drifted by, night falling down around me, the darkness covering me like a blanket.

"Bella?" Esme's voice was concerned when she finally came out to where I was still sitting, joining me in the soft earth as I watched the sun make it's way up into the sky.

"I'm sorry I didn't come back last night... it just... I needed to be alone for a while." I apologized to her and felt her reach her arm around my back, pulling me into her side.

"I know sweetie," she said and I was grateful that she was here with me, that she had taken on the role of my mother at a time when I desperately needed one.

"How is the pain?" she asked a few minutes later and I cringed as I felt another wave roll out from my chest at the mention of it.

"It's the same... but it's getting easier to manage now... I think..." I answered as I shoved it back down as though I was closing the lid on a shoe box, locking it away in storage.

"Are you okay Bella? Is there anything that you want to talk about?" Esme asked me and I shook my head gently, I knew that she was concerned about me – they all were – but there wasn't anything that talking could help right now.

"Did... did Edward come back last night?" I asked hesitantly, not sure that I wanted to know the answer. I didn't know if I could stay at the house if he was going to be there. It was painful to even think about him knowing that he didn't want me, how could I possibly live in the same house as him and face him each day through this pain?

"Rosalie, Emmett and Carlisle went to talk to him last night... they're still out but Emmett called a while ago to say that they will be back later today – all of them." she told me and I sighed again. Did I even want to bother any more? What if I just let the pain take me, let it encompass me until I finally died?

"I think I need to hunt." I whispered to Esme as I rubbed my throat, feeling the burn of the thirst somewhere below the constant pulsing of pain that came from my chest.

"I'll come with you." She smiled at me before standing and waiting for me to drag myself off of the ground, the process surprisingly more difficult than I was expecting, the pain returning full force, pushing the lid off the box and exploding again within me.

"Are you sure you're okay Bella?" she asked and I tried to force a smile on my face while at the same time forcing my feet to move. I watched as Esme began to move with me, her body reflexively breaking into a light jog and I tried to get my body to follow her, but I couldn't run. I couldn't make my feet go any faster than a sluggish walk.

"I... it's too hard to run through the pain." I ground out angrily, my weakness making me hate the person that I was.

"Stay there Bella, I'll be right back." I did as I was told, again collapsing to the forest floor. I didn't have to wait long for her before she had brought me back a deer and placed it at my feet.

"Here, drink first... it might help you be better able to fight the pain." she said encouragingly and I waited for the flush of embarrassment to color my cheeks, color that wouldn't come.

_Great, I'm a vampire that can't even hunt for myself. _I thought bitterly as I sunk my teeth into the animal's neck, drinking the soothing liquid quickly. When I had finished with the deer I pushed it away from my body and once again dragged myself up and out of the dirt, still fighting against the ache that was consuming me, still unable to move fluidly, easily.

Esme took care of the deer's carcass for me and then approached my side cautiously, gaging my actions as I attempted to move towards the house, my steps still pained and slow. Without saying a word, Esme wrapped her arm around my waist and helped me walk slowly, carefully towards the house, not stopping in the living room like I thought she would, but practically carrying me up the steps and into my room.

I felt like an invalid as she helped me clean up and change again, as she pulled back the covers on my bed and tucked me in like a small child, as she sat beside me, stroking my head softly.

Once I was in the bed and didn't have to focus on trying to move my body through the pain it seemed to concentrate and somehow become worse, causing me to curl up into a tight ball, hugging my knees to my chest as I struggled not to break down sobbing again.

"What's wrong with me? Why am I so weak?" I asked Esme hoarsely, the anger welling up beside the pain as I struggled to regain my strength... I had felt so strong when I had first woken up to this life. Sure there was still pain, but I could at least run and move and do things. Now... now I was just weak.

"Bella?" I heard Jasper's voice before Esme could answer my questions.

"Can I come in?" he asked from the doorway and I nodded. He came over to the bed and I watched as Esme stood up to leave, to give Jasper and I a minute to talk about whatever it was that he wanted to say to me.

"Bella, I know that you are considering giving up... letting the pain consume you, but you've held on this long, through so much. I just want you to hold on a little while longer." he said and I looked up into his eyes, saw the sincerity in them.

"But how Jasper? How can I live an eternity with this... this pain?" I asked him angrily, not wanting to continue if this was never going to stop.

"Bella, I can't tell you what to do, because if I'm being honest with myself... well I would have given into the pain a long time ago... I don't know how you are doin' it. But I do know that right now Edward is in a great deal of pain as well. He's hiding it, but he's not doing well. And as angry as I am – as we all are – for him leaving you like that... I think you should give him a chance to apologize and to explain." Jasper said and I curled tighter into myself as an intense pain ripped through my body, causing me to let out a scream.

"Bella... hang on Bella... fight through it. We all love you Bells!" I fought against the ripples of pain shooting through me and grasped onto Jasper as he again held my shoulders and attempted to pump the love of my family through to me.

"What happened Jasper?" I heard Esme ask worriedly as I continued to whimper at the sheer amount of pain, wanting so badly to quit, to give up.

"I don't know... the pain just intensified. Every time I think it can't possibly get worse, it does." He ground out through his teeth and I heard a phone being dialed, ringing. "I don't know what else to do... her body can't deal with it... she's shutting down and physically _can't_ fight it any longer." he continued to tell Esme through my whimpering and thrashing.

"What's wrong Esme? Is that Bella?" I could hear Carlisle's voice on the other end of the line.

"Bring him back Carlisle... it isn't good... Jasper says she can't fight off the pain any longer." Esme spoke, her voice cracking and I wished yet again that I wasn't this weak, that I could just get through it.

"Bella?" Jasper squeaked out, his hands still on my shoulders, trying to pump something good, something positive in me, as I felt the burning begin... it started in my toes and began to work it's way upwards, the pain of the change nothing compared to this new feeling... this feeling of absolute death. This was it.

"What is it Jasper?" I could hear Alice's voice from somewhere in the room and I bit my tongue, not wanting them to hear my screams and whimpers any longer as the burning slowly continued to spread. It wouldn't be long now.

"She's dying... burning to death." he choked out and I heard both Esme and Alice gasp, felt them as they both came over and put their arms around me.

"No Bella... fight it... please." Esme begged and I tried, I tried my hardest to fight the pain, the burning.

"I... can't... I'm... sorry..." I managed to breathe through the pain.

"Bella no!" The instant his hand touched me it was as though our souls became fused back together, his touch no longer colder than my own but it somehow managed to send a soothing coolness throughout my body, pushing down the flames of fire and death.

"Edward, get away from her." Alice snarled and I felt his hand rip away from mine, the soothing coolness no longer flowing through my body and quenching the pain.

"Alice, no. Let him touch her. It's helping her." Jasper spoke and seconds later I again felt Edward's touch on my shoulder, replacing one of Jasper's hands.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. So so sorry." he spoke quietly and I didn't know what to think. His words, the soothing coolness that at the moment seemed to be keeping me alive... but his previous actions, his running, the anger when he had looked at me.

"Edward?" I croaked out, not sure which I preferred, the pain of dying or the cooling fusion of having him here with me, touching me.

**A/N: I know... I know... it wasn't quite the full sized ass-kicking you were looking forward to, right? But this stuff can't be rushed, so don't worry, things are going to start changing for both Bella and Edward now... although he might need another... better... ass-kicking to make up for his dumbass behavior, especially when Bella hears his excuses as to why he ran and acted the way that he did. **


	20. Excuses

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, some smut.**

"_**Bella, I'm so sorry. So so sorry." he spoke quietly and I didn't know what to think. His words, the soothing coolness that at the moment seemed to be keeping me alive... but his previous actions, his running, the anger when he had looked at me.**_

"_**Edward?" I croaked out, not sure which I preferred, the pain of dying or the cooling fusion of having him here with me, touching me.**_

The seconds ticked by as we all stayed in the same position, me on the bed, Jasper's hand on my right shoulder, Edward's on my left. Alice and Esme were both huddled on the bed with me and I could feel their hands resting on my back, the room silent as everyone waited, wondered what was going on.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice asked tentatively and I looked over Edward's shoulder to see Carlisle, stopped and standing in the middle of the room, his face a mixture of worry and confusion.

"I'm okay... it still hurts... but it isn't burning any more." I whispered softly, my own mind full of it's own confusion.

_Why was Edward look at me that way? Why did his touch soothe me this way? How could he still affect me like this? Was this how my life was going to be... pained and needing his touch to keep me alive, from burning to death?_

I couldn't take it anymore and before I could control myself I began to sob, harder than I ever had before, the venom stinging my eyes as I wished for it to just fall already, to cry actual tears. Quickly my position shifted, Jasper and Edward's hands slipping off of my shoulders as Esme pulled me into her lap.

"Bella, is it burning again?" Carlisle asked quickly, his expression full of grief as he came closer to me.

"No... no... I... it's... I... I don't know..." I sobbed harder as Esme rocked me, stroking my back with her hand.

"I'm sorry Bella." I could hear Edward repeating as though he was a broken record.

"Jasper?" I could hear Carlisle asking and knew that he was looking for an explanation as to what had just happened... I didn't fully understand it myself and to be honest I didn't care anymore.

"I don't know how to explain it," Jasper began.

"Are you okay Jazz?" Alice asked quietly, from beside me.

"Edward you asshole." Emmett spat from the back of the room.

"Ssh, it's alright Bella." Esme tried to soothe me.

"Enough already!" I had quickly been overwhelmed by the chatter in the room around me, so Rosalie's voice booming with authority over everyone else's took me completely by surprise.

"Edward. This is your fault. All of it." Rosalie spoke again and I lifted my head to see her pacing angrily by the door, everyone staring at her in shock.

"I don't give a damn about your excuses Edward, but look at her. Look at what you've done to her!" she screeched and I flinched back, again hating who I was. Jasper scowled at Rosalie and then shot me a reassuring smile.

"Rosalie... shut..."

"Don't even go there Edward. You left her, without a goodbye, without a reason. You knew as well as any of us did that she was your mate and you still decided to take off the second that something went differently than you had planned. I don't know how you could do that to someone who you had professed to love. I mean, come on Edward... you were the one who pulled her to safety away from Charlie and Jacob, you were the one who was there for her when she was giving birth... when her daughter died. She trusted you and loved you Edward and you blew it. But not only did you leave, but when we finally managed to track you down, you act like a complete and total asshole, making her think that you hate her, that you can't stand to be in the same room as her. I've seen a lot of awful people do terrible things before Edward... but the way that you've been acting... you're worse than any of the other monsters who have ever hurt her." Rosalie stormed up to him with her last sentence and I watched wide eyed as she spit at him, turned and left the room, Edward collapsing onto his knees on the floor.

The room was left in a stunned silence for several minutes, nobody knowing quite what to do or say about Rosalie's rant. I didn't know how anyone else felt about it, but I knew that I agreed with every single word that she spoke.

"Why?" I was the only one to break the silence with my question and I really wasn't even sure if I wanted to know whatever excuse he had for leaving me like he had.

"I... I don't know..." he sighed, his eyes not daring to meet mine as the anger again flared up inside of me.

"You. Don't. Know?" I demanded loudly, my chest constricting in a combination of pain and anger.

"YOU. DON'T. KNOW?" my voice took on an edge of hysteria as the pain cinched even tighter around my chest, but I didn't stop, didn't let my voice break.

"Did you know Edward, that the very first time I saw you I felt drawn to you, like I knew you, like you were my SOUL MATE? Did you know that when you and your family saved me from living with Charlie that for the first time ever my soul felt complete, that even for the short times you weren't with me I could feel the shadow of an ache within my heart, my soul? Did you know Edward that when Jacob took me and I thought I was going to die in some dirty motel alone with him, that I never gave up hope, never stopped believing that you would come for me because you would do everything in your power to protect me, to save me?" I paused for a single moment to push myself up straighter, staring down at Edward on the floor.

"And did you know Edward that even though I doubted that you loved me, that you could ever love me when I was pregnant with Anna, that I finally believed it when she was born, when you took care of me, when you told me that you would love me forever. Did you know Edward that I went into our relationship from the very beginning, knowing what I was getting involved with, preparing myself to give you everything I had in me, to give up my old life and start over with you. Did you know though that when you finally gave yourself to me in every way, when we connected for the first time in the most intimate way, that I knew that there would be no turning back in our relationship?

When we had sex Edward, yes, you left a few painless bruises on my body. But when you left Edward... the bruises that you left on my soul... I don't think that I can ever heal them." By the time that I finished I was panting, the pain in my chest making me feel as though I couldn't breath. Esme's arm wrapped firmer around my body and I curled in on myself. For now at least it was only the pain, thankfully the burning hadn't started back up yet.

"Bella... I..." he started, still not daring to look up from where is eyes were focused on the carpet.

"I know that I screwed up and I don't have even a remotely decent excuse. I know that this probably doesn't make any sense at all to you, but I never meant to hurt you Bella, ever. Even when Alice and Jasper dragged me back here to Forks, I didn't want to hurt you further... and I was never angry at you, I never felt anything but love for you... I was angry at myself, never you Bella." his rambling was making my head hurt and I tried to listen to him, but his words made no sense to me.

"Stop it Edward. You aren't making any sense at all... so please, please just make up your mind and decide whether you're staying here or going. I don't know why you are here with me at all, why you didn't let the pain take me a few minutes ago. But if you are just going to leave and run off again, do it, so that I can finally be out of this miserable state." I told him coldly and heard Esme as she tried to stifle her own sobs behind me.

"Do you want me to go Bella? To leave you alone?" he asked, his voice cracking as he listened to what I was saying.

"Edward, I don't particularly want to die right now... I've been through far too much to just give up. But I know I can't survive the pain any longer, it's too much... and knowing that you don't want me, it just makes it worse. So Edward, if you are here to simply play with me further, push me to see how much closer I can get to death and then yank me back out of it's reach, then leave. I don't want to continue this sick and twisted game of yours."

"It's not a game Bella, it's never been a game." he finally looked up at me, his butterscotch eyes driving into my soul, my chest relaxing against his gaze even though my mind was yelling at me to stay alert, be ready.

"Bella, I never wanted to leave you... please, please let me explain." he begged me and it was my turn to look down, away from his intense gaze.

"I know that I was an ass when I confronted you about the bruises, I know that I said some awful things about them, about you." I recalled his hurtful words and once again cringed as they re-inflicted themselves on my mind.

"When I first began to see the bruises appearing that night Bella... I... I saw myself turning into my father, into the kind of man that I swore that I would never be." I saw Carlisle look to Edward curiously and I felt myself getting more and more confused. Edward never spoke of his father to me aside from to tell me his name, and of course that he had died of the same influenza that had nearly killed him.

"My father used to inflict pain on my mother, I watched it for years and was never able to stop him. I remember being twelve years old, finally thinking that I was man enough that I could stand up to him, that I could stop him. It was the only time he ever hit me, and afterwards he sat me down to explain that it was a woman's job to do things to please us men. If they failed or angered us, it was only proper to make them understand... using our hands as we saw fit." Edward swallowed audibly and things were beginning to make sense now although I was also getting angrier as I realized that this was it... his excuse.

"I remember the first time that I saw you Bella, and while I didn't know for sure and couldn't see any direct evidence... somehow I knew that someone was hurting you Bella. The day that you told me everything, that you finally opened up to me and I was able to help you to get out of that situation... I vowed right then that nobody would ever hurt you again. But I failed Bella. I failed when I let Jacob get to you, when I couldn't find you. And I failed when you had Anna and she died... and you were in so much pain that I couldn't do anything about. I failed again when Charlie got so close to taking you away forever and I failed when I left bruises all over your body." The anger was still raging within me as he continued his explanations... I understood that he had always seen himself as some sort of monster, but this was getting ridiculous, things he couldn't control made him think he had to leave me? Without a note? Without an explanation? Without a good-bye?

"When I originally left, I was only planning on going to Alaska to calm down, to think things through. I never imagined that I would be gone as long as I was."

"What made you decide to leave Alaska? I had a hard time with seeing you once you made it up there?" Alice spoke up and I glared at her, wondering why she would choose to interrupt now of all times.

"I wasn't even half way there when the pain of being away from her hit me. I was foolish though and I thought that because she was still human at the time that she wouldn't feel it too. By the time that I actually arrived in Alaska the pain was overwhelming. Tanya found me at the old house and by that point I was already becoming weaker. As usual she attempted to seduce me and I rejected her, telling her about Bella, about the connection and pull to her that I was experiencing.

"Tanya and I have been friends a long time so I trusted her when she told me that I needed to leave, to stay as far away as I could. She explained the pain as being from a vampire/human relationship... something that the human can't handle. At first I didn't believe her but Tanya has kept a journal for centuries so when she showed me an entry from years and years ago detailing a relationship similar to Bella and mine I didn't know what else to do. The relationship was between a vampire and a human while they were together they began to experience pain between them when they were separated. Soon it got to be painful when they were together and eventually the pain killed them both."

"And you didn't think to call and talk to me about this, talk to Carlisle, anybody? You chose instead to just run away? To leave me because you heard a silly story about a couple who died from being together?" I shrieked loudly, his story sounding so ludicrous to me now.

"I'm sorry Bella... I know it is no excuse, but I was already in a significant amount of pain and it was affecting my judgment." he mumbled the apology, knowing that it wasn't enough.

"What was the name of the couple that Tanya told you about?" Jasper voiced his question as I tried to decide what Edward's explanations meant for us.

"James was the vampire's name and Catherine was the humans." he answered quietly.

"Either Tanya lied to you, or she didn't know the entire story." Jasper sighed and I watched as Edward looked to Jasper, reading his thoughts before he could say them out loud. "James and Catherine were a couple, but there was only an intense pain when the couple would separate. When the Volturi found out about her knowledge of vampires, they killed him. The instant that he died, her heart stopped beating... his death essentially killed her." Jasper explained to him and the rest of us and I vaguely remembered him telling us about this before I was changed.

"Bella, I know that I was an asshole and I'm so sorry for hurting you even further..."

"Edward. Just stop. Please... just let me process everything." I interrupted him, not understanding how my body could betray me, how I could feel my strength come back every time he apologized to me. Everything in my mind was telling me that his excuses were pathetic and I should be angry and kicking him out of my life, but my body, it was inching it's way closer to him, the physical pull to his own almost out of my control.

"Can I finish explaining? Please Bella?" he asked a few minutes later, the rest of the room still frozen around us, waiting to see what would happen between us.

"No. Not right now Edward. I get it. You thought you were hurting me, you saw yourself as though you were your father, you left, it was to protect me. I don't want to hear anymore right now." he flinched back as though I had slapped him and I felt my body shift slightly forward, not wanting the distance that my mind was craving.

"Is it alright if I just have some time? I need time to understand my body and mind's reactions... and I'd like to try and go hunting again." I explained quietly, worried that my body was trying to convince my mind to forgive him, and not wanting to, not yet, not this easily.

"Do you want one of us to accompany you, just in case something happens?" Esme asked as the rest of the room began to silently clear out, leaving only Carlisle, Esme and Edward with me.

"Actually... I was wondering if Rosalie could come with me this time?" I asked and a second later she had come back to the room, shooting Edward an icy stare before coming over to me.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay after all of that?" Carlisle asked cautiously as Rosalie helped me stand, my body feeling surprisingly stronger than it had earlier in the day.

"Yes, I'm starting to feel much better physically... I think I should be okay. I won't be long, I just need some space... I'm just feeling a little bit overwhelmed." I reassured him, following Rosalie out of the room and outside, breathing in the fresh air as my body tried to pull me back towards the house... towards _him. _

"Can we talk for a few minutes before we go hunting?" I asked as we approached the forest, my feet dragging slowly as I attempted a slow jog behind Rosalie.

**A/N: This chapter is up finally. Edward is back to stay now, Bella is confused by his apologies and explanations... who wouldn't be. Edward has a whole whack of excuses, none of which thoroughly explain his behavior. More talking between Bella and Edward will be coming up in the next chapter, as well as a heart to heart with Rosalie, and one with Jasper as well. The family is all pissed at Edward... how will he earn his way back in, and is he really as sorry as he says that he is? Oh, and no, James is not the same James from the original, this is a different James.**


	21. Canine Confrontation

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, some smut.**

"_**Yes, I'm starting to feel much better physically... I think I should be okay. I won't be long, I just need some space... I'm just feeling a little bit overwhelmed." I reassured him, following Rosalie out of the room and outside.**_

"Do you mind if we talk for a few minutes before we go back to the house?" I asked Rosalie as I stared down at my torn and bloody clothing.

When we had first left the house, Rosalie had offered to hunt for me as Esme had done earlier after seeing the amount of effort it was taking me to move my body still. But I had declined her, wanting more than anything to be able to be strong enough to take care of myself. It turned out to be more difficult than I had thought it would be as I managed to scare away the first several animals I had come across, finally managing to surprise a large elk, drinking messily from it. Now we were walking slowly through the forest, parallel to the house, not quite ready to return yet.

"I know that you must hate me for what I did to you..." Rosalie surprised me by jumping right into the conversation and I immediately shook my head, cutting her off.

"I don't hate you Rosalie." I tried to smile at her but the pain was still too difficult to do much more than raise one side of my mouth in a sort of smirk,

"But how can you be okay? I took away your life? I forced you into this... this nothingness that we all pretend to live in." she stopped talking and turned away form me, moving to the edge of the river and sitting on a fallen log.

"Rosalie I knew from the first time that I saw all of you in the cafeteria that you all were different. It didn't take me long to figure out what you are but when I did, the thought never once scared me. And then when I came to live with you, when I realized that I had a family for the first time since my mom and dad died... well, I knew that one day I wanted to become like you. I knew what I was giving up, but I also knew that in return I was getting this amazing family, a place where I truly felt that I fit in." I explained to her and saw her relax slightly.

"Thank you Bella." she finally looked at me and I saw her smile at me, "I want you to know... you are my sister." she didn't need to say anything else after that, I understood and I was grateful. Rosalie typically wasn't the most emotional one in the family, so knowing how she felt about me made me realize how lucky I truly was to have so many people on my side.

"Can I ask you a question Rose?" I asked a few minutes later, staring out over the water, listening as it lapped against the rocks beside us.

"About Edward?" she assumed and I nodded, chewing on my bottom lip as I thought about everything that had happened back at the house.

"I don't know what to do Rose." I began and then paused, not sure how much I wanted to reveal yet.

"Do you want to talk it out?" she offered, not wanting to sway me in either direction and I respected her for allowing me that.

"I feel so confused. It still hurts badly... as I'm sure you can tell by my obvious inability to even hunt for myself. The pain has made me weak and I'm so angry and frustrated about it. But at the same time my body is reacting to his presence. As you saw back at the house, just having him touch me there somehow saved me... stopped my body from giving up and I can't explain it and I'm not sure that I want to understand it. It feels like a betrayal from my body that it's being pulled to his. I can feel it, like a magnet and it's taking the little bit of energy I have left right now not to run back and smash into his side and stay there." I shook my head at the thought, knowing that I definitely did not want to do that right now.

"But then... like I said I'm angry and hurt... and his excuses don't even make sense." I growled in frustration. "I mean, he left. Fine. If he thought he was hurting me, turning into his father, whatever I get it. But he didn't call, he didn't write, he completely evaded the entire family. Not just me, but you and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, Carlisle and Esme. I don't understand how he can just sit there and ask me for my forgiveness!" I pounded my fist into the log and sighed when I saw the small crack that appeared... when I had first envisioned my life as a vampire, I had seen myself as being able to crush things, yet here I was barely putting a crack in a piece of wood in the midst of my anger.

"Do you want to forgive him?" she asked and my brain instantly said no. But I knew that wasn't entirely truthful, obviously physically my body thought I should forgive him. But did I?

I scanned back through my memories, trudging through the haze of my final human days and back to before he had left. We had been happy together... yes, Edward had always been protective to the extreme, but until he left me it had never been harmful, or even something that I had minded. He had always touched me in a way that nobody else could, made me laugh and smile when I had thought I would never do those things again. I had believed that we were soul mates before we had really even had a chance to figure each other out.

Was our relationship reparable though? He had done more than just leave me when he disappeared. He had caused me more pain than I ever could have imagined was possible previously, essentially he had almost killed me repeatedly by staying away from me. He had hurt the other members of the family too, breaking Alice and Esme's heart when he refused contact with anyone.

"I don't know Rosalie... I really don't." I said in reply and she nodded her head in understanding.

"What about you? Are you still pissed off at him?" I asked curiously, wanting to talk about something other than myself for a minute.

"I've been pissed off with Edward for one thing or another since the day I woke up from the change." she laughed lightly and nudged my shoulder, her humor effectively helping to lighten my mood.

"Do you want to head back now?" she asked and I continued to stare down at the water.

"Yeah, let's head back." I stood up slowly, feeling shaky on my legs as the pain pulsed out of my chest and throughout my limbs.

I concentrated on taking one step at a time and turned around, gasping in surprise when I saw Rosalie crouched down and staring at something behind me, a snarl ripping out from as I whipped around, my body reflexively copying her movements, looking for whatever threat that she had sensed.

Looking through the trees I couldn't detect whatever had Rosalie suddenly distressed so I opened up my other senses, my nostrils flaring as I breathed in the poisoned air, the smell making me hiss as it made it's way to my nose. I continued to search for the owner of the hideous scent when the animals made their way through the tree line and into our visibility.

I recognized them at once, a memory of Jacob, shifting instantly from man to massive wolf in front of me reminding me of what these creatures were.

"Carlisle... we're North of the house by the river, wolves." Rosalie's words were quick as she moved the phone to her ear, Carlisle not replying before she hung up the phone.

The wolves were moving slowly closer to us, spread out and beginning to circle as we also moved, our backs now to each other as we decided what our best move was. Rosalie knew that I wouldn't be able to run right now, I was barely able to walk on my own. But she also knew that I couldn't fight.

"What do they want?" I hissed at her, not understanding why they were acting so threatening towards us. As far as I knew, we were still on Cullen land and they were the ones who shouldn't be here.

"The treaty." she replied and I thought back to what they had explained to me when I had first moved in and asked questions about the Cullen's relationship with the wolf pack.

"Shit." I replied as realization dawned and I braced myself for their attack. We were outnumbered. Rosalie and I against five wolves... I knew who would win this fight.

The wolves didn't attack though, instead they continued to circle around us, spread out enough that if we attempted to run, they would be able to catch us easily and I looked at Rosalie in confusion. Why weren't they attacking, why were they paused as though waiting for something.

"We wish to speak with Carlisle Cullen." I whipped my head back around and stared at the man who was making his way out of the trees, stepping up beside one of the giant wolves, pausing about a foot in front and to the right of it.

"He's on his way." Rosalie hissed at him and I gulped loudly, hoping this meant that they weren't going to kill us.

The seconds ticked by as we stayed motionless, both sides ready to move at any change to the other side. Finally I felt the air change as I heard the others approaching, flying across the river and joining Rosalie and I, forming a defensive line around us, Carlisle taking his place at the front.

"Carlisle Cullen?" the man asked and he took a step forward, not crouching as though to attack, but his position still defensive.

"Yes." he said simply as the other man also stepped forward.

"We have come to speak to you as we know that Isabella Swan is a vampire now, when only weeks ago she was still a human. If she was changed by one of your coven, then the treaty made between our ancestors and yourselves is void." he spoke coldly and I fought back a hiss.

"As far as our family is concerned, the treaty was voided when one of your members broke it by kidnapping and hurting a member of our family. Isabella is now and has been since she made the decision to live with our family Isabella Cullen. The treaty extended to her protection and Jacob Black broke it." Carlisle replied back just as coldly and I flinched at the mention of _his _name.

"Do you admit then that you knowingly broke the treaty as it still stood to us, when you inflicted your bite of death on the human Isabella?" the man asked and Carlisle nodded.

"Yes, we did change Bella in order to save her life." Carlisle defended and the wolves all began to growl, some of them pawing at the ground as though just waiting for the command to attack.

"The protection of the Treaty of the Cold Ones no longer applies." it was as though he had told them to attack and I watched in horror as he himself transformed instantly into a large wolf, joining his pack in their launch towards our family.

Chaos erupted instantly all around me and I prepared myself to have to fight to have to defend myself against one of these massive creatures whose teeth could rip me to shred in seconds. But it never happened. Rosalie stayed with me as every other member of my family engaged with a wolf, the numbers too evenly matched for my liking.

It was only seconds later that I heard a loud howl and turned to see Jasper with his arms around the mammoth creature. The bones shattering instantly in his grip, the animal collapsing as death claimed it, surprised when the animal changed back from it's wolf form, revealing a young boy, no more than fifteen in it's place.

A second howl erupted from the other side of the field and I watched as a repeat of the scene unfolded, this time it was Emmett that was crushing the creature, the boy had never had a choice in this life collapsing to the ground.

"Stop." Again I turned my head to see Edward facing off with a wolf. But they were no longer engaging in battle as the others around us also quieted.

"The wolves wish to surrender." Edward spoke out before several members of our family hissed in response.

"Go." Carlisle said simply and I looked to him in amazement, not understanding why he would allow them to leave after they attacked us, their intent to kill us all very clear.

The family began to make their way back to where Rosalie and I were still standing, watching as the wolves picked up their fallen members and carried them out of the clearing quickly.

"Carlisle?" Emmett questioned angrily.

"The surrendered, there's no reason why we should have continued the fight." he said, his voice full of authority.

"They attacked us!" Emmett scoffed and I folded my arms across my chest, showing my agreement.

"Enough. They won't be coming back on our land." Edward growled out.

"Let's all head back to the house." Esme suggested putting her arm around me and pulling me forward.

The tension was thick after the confrontation with the wolves, everyone having an opinion on whether we should have continued to fight or let them go. I didn't want to be a part of the bickering any longer and as soon as we got back to the house went upstairs to my bedroom to clean myself up and change into a new outfit.

As I finished my shower and dried my body off I glanced in the mirror, taking in the crimson color of my eyes quickly flicking my gaze to the rest of my face, wondering what the wolves had seen when they first saw me.

Had they seen a girl at all? Any bit of the human girl that I had once been? Or was I completely different now? Just another monster that they were set on killing. And what did Edward see?

I looked down my face, at my newly defined features, the perfect complexion, shiny hair, perfectly filled out body. I had no more scars littering my skin, something that I was still getting used to myself. There was no more physical evidence of the torture that Charlie and Jacob had put me through, no more stretch marks reminding me of the brief encounter I'd had of pregnancy. The only scar remaining, the silver crescent where Rosalie had bitten me on my wrist, changing me, saving me.

Sighing I continued to towel dry my body, dressing in the clothes that I had pulled from the closet, realizing that I didn't even know myself anymore, so how could I decide whether or not I wanted Edward to know me?

**A/N: I know I promised talking between B & E in this chapter but I was wrong, I forgot that this chapter was next, but next chapter will be more conversations, some E& B alone time, chatting with Jasper etc... Enjoy! **


	22. Finding Rest

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, some smut.**

_**Sighing I continued to towel dry my body, dressing in the clothes that I had pulled from the closet, realizing that I didn't even know myself anymore, so how could I decide whether or not I wanted Edward to know me?**_

"Bella?" I opened my eyes and my head shot up as I felt the hands on my shoulders, startling me. My body reacted instantly to the sudden physical contact and I pushed back, hissing before I saw the person standing there.

"What the?" I questioned as Jasper backed away from me, watching my reaction to him warily. I could see the concern on his face and wondered what had just happened. I remembered picking up a book to read, wanting something to distract me from my confusion over Edward for a few minutes. But I didn't remember reading more than the first page, before my mind jumped to Jasper shaking me, feeling as though I had been sleeping. But I couldn't have been sleeping... I was a vampire... I didn't sleep.

"Are you alright Bella?" Jasper questioned and I tried to think clearly and understand what had just happened.

"I... I think so... that was really strange." I replied as Alice came bouncing into the room, coming to a halt beside Jasper when she saw the look on both of our faces.

"What happened?" she asked and I looked at Jasper to explain it, still not quite sure myself.

"I came in to check on Bella because the pain had disappeared completely. She was laying on her bed and looked like she was sleeping, her book had been dropped to the floor, her eyes closed. I tried to call her name, but she was unresponsive so I came closer and saw how still she was. She wasn't breathing, which I know isn't really a big deal, but accompanied by the complete lack of emotions... well I was worried about her. I've never seen one of us look so... dead." he said and Alice looked towards me, looking for my version of what happened.

"I was reading... and then Jasper was there shaking me and calling my name. It felt... I don't know... it almost felt like I had been asleep." I said, still not sure if I even believed it myself.

"Where's Edward?" Alice asked a moment later, as she paced the floor, repeating what Jasper and I had said, trying like us to figure it out.

"He said he was going to hunt." Jasper said and I watched as Alice's eyes glazed over, searching for him.

"How are you feeling now Bella?" Jasper asked as Alice huffed, obviously annoyed by whatever she was or wasn't seeing from Edward.

"I know it sounds weird but I feel almost tired." I replied thinking about it. "And the pain is still there... can you feel it?" I asked him and he nodded instantly. "I can feel both the tiredness and the pain. It's very strange..." he answered.

"Edward's on his way back, he's only about 10 miles out now." Alice interrupted us and I felt something tugging inside of me, suddenly feeling more alert, more awake.

"Did he just decide to come back to the house?" Jasper asked her as he also picked up on my feelings.

"Yes, as far as I know, he had just been hunting without any future decisions made... I was having a hard time getting a read on him until he made the decision to come back to the house." she answered him and we all pieced some of it together.

"How does he feel about me Jasper?" I blurted the question out, wanting to know the answer, to know what Jasper knew about his emotions before I saw Edward again.

"Are you sure you want to know Bella?" he asked and I nodded my head. If this was ever going to get better I needed to know the answer.

"The strongest emotion that I've been able to pick up from him since he's come back is his love for you. It's matches your own love for him in it's strength and combined you two give off more love than I've ever seen a couple release. When you were burning earlier, dying... when he came in, all I could feel was his remorse, his love for you, and his soul breaking apart. Between the two of you I didn't think I was going to survive the pain myself. And then he touched you and the strength of your bond, the way that he soothed your burning with just his touch, it flooded me with a feeling of whole-ness.

"I'm no expert in relationships Bella, but I know enough about emotions to know that there is something far more intense than I've ever had the opportunity to witness between you two. And I have no doubt that it was Edward being apart from you just now that made your body react that way, the tiredness, the pain... it all improved once Edward made the conscious decision to come back to where he knew you were." Jasper answered me honestly and I knew, in my heart I knew that I didn't really have a choice in the matter. My body – my soul – had decided for me. My choices were simple. I could forgive Edward and hopefully heal, or I could not forgive him and live in pain which would most likely kill me.

"Bella," his voice was still like velvet, even with the worry tainting the tone and once again my heart pulled towards him, wanting to merge us back together.

"Can we talk please?" Jasper shot Edward a warning look as he and Alice stood up, moving towards the door and pausing, waiting for me to nod, giving them the okay before they left the room to give us the illusion of privacy.

"Are you alright Bella?" he asked nervously as he came closer, hesitating just beside the bed where I was still sitting, leaning against the headboard.

"I'm fine..." I didn't want to sound cold, but I didn't want to go into my _sleeping episode _ right now either.

"Look Bella. I don't want to bother giving you excuses... I know that nothing that I say will make it any better. But I'm so sorry Bella. I really did think think I was stopping you from getting hurt any further by me when I left." he apologized quietly and I looked at him closely for the first time since I'd awoken to this life.

Edward had always been been more than attractive to me, but looking at him with these eyes made it so that I could see the details clearer, see the perfect shade of hair, the way his muscles flexed when he shifted just slightly, the gleam of venom on his lips as he licked them nervously waiting for me to reply. But aside from the obvious beauty that he possessed I could now see a deep sadness in his eyes, a tiredness that reflected how I was feeling. While he sat and waited for me to speak I watched as his arm reached across his chest, grabbing onto the opposite shoulder as though shielding his heart, trying to hold himself together. I recognized the feeling.

"I'm still angry at you Edward." I saw the disappointment cross his face as I spoke, but he didn't argue with me, letting me continue.

"You doubted me Edward, you doubted the depth of my feelings for you and instead of confronting me, talking to me... you ran away. You hurt not only me... but everybody in the family when you left, and when you refused to even return their phone calls. Your selfish behavior nearly killed me and then you came back and saved me and I don't even really understand any of it Edward." Edward was looking down at the floor, refusing to meet my eyes as I spoke, but I knew that he was listening.

"My body Edward... it knows that you're here. It's pulling towards you constantly, as though we're magnets and it's tiring me out even trying to fight it. And I'm still confused Edward. Even though you practically crushed me when you left, I still love you. But I don't entirely understand why you came back at all... what do you want to happen next?" My question caught him off guard and he looked up to me before rubbing his face in his hands, contemplating his answer while I waited patiently.

"Bella. After everything that I put you through I don't know how you can possibly sit there and ask me what I want to happen next, but I can't help but be hopeful that perhaps we can continue to talk like this... discuss things the way that I should have initially." his voice cracked when he told me what he was hoping for and I took a moment to consider what he'd said.

"If I agree to this, to spending time talking things through and working them out... what about the future?" I asked him and bit down on my lip. I was quickly turning to mush, my brain slowly coming around and agreeing with my body, wanting to be closer to him both physically and emotionally.

"Bella. Just days ago I would have said that we were better apart, said that I was a monster and you deserved better than that. But now Bella, well, I believe that my recent behavior makes me more a monster now then I ever was before, but I'm hoping that one day I may be able to earn your trust back. I don't ever want to hurt you again Bella, and as long as you'll have me, I would like to stay close to you. I want to help you heal in whatever way that I can." he said, his feelings for me obvious in the thickness of his voice, the pained look in his eyes.

I didn't reply, couldn't reply. At this moment we were both two broken souls, searching for the right path to go down, trying not to muddle things up further and in a way I understood. I wasn't at the point where I forgave him yet but for the first time in a long time I had hope for him... for us.

Ever so slowly I reached across the bed to where he sat, his hands in his lap, his eyes watching me curiously as I touched his hand, wrapping my small one around his large one. The feeling of our connection flowing between us hit me instantly and I saw Edward's lips form a slight, surprised 'o' at the sensation as it spread through my body, warming it, mending it, merging us.

**A/N: I know that this is a short chapter but because it's the beginning of E & B working things out I wanted to keep it mostly separate. As always, thank you for your kind comments on the story and enjoy!**

**If you like my fanfics, follow my page on FaceBook: #!/pages/Pink-FanFic/397085653692709 to get updates, teasers, and more!  
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	23. Bound Together

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, some smut.**

_**Ever so slowly I reached across the bed to where he sat, his hands in his lap, his eyes watching me curiously as I touched his hand, wrapping my small one around his large one. The feeling of our connection flowing between us hit me instantly and I saw Edward's lips form a slight, surprised 'o' at the sensation as it spread through my body, warming it, mending it, merging us.**_

"Emmett! Put me down!" I squealed out as he did what I told him to, dropping me onto the ground immediately, running and pretending to hide behind a tree as I pushed myself up quickly, catching him and grabbing his arm, flinging him back into the yard.

Before he could recover from my attack, I had flipped him onto his stomach and pulled his arms behind his back, pinning him in place.

"Emmett! Stop trying to beat the newborn at wrestling and come help me pack the garage!" I laughed as Rosalie called to him from the house, Emmett's face forming a pout as I got up and helped him stand up.

"Rematch when the garage is finished." he stated with his finger pointed in my direction and I stifled a giggle, this was already rematch number thirteen and he hadn't beaten me yet.

"Emmett!" Rosalie warned and I watched as Emmett hung his head and bolted for the house before she had to call him a third time.

"Next time go a little lower and he won't be able to pick you up like that." Jasper advised as I sat down next to him on the porch and fist bumped him. He had been giving me advice after every match I'd had with Emmett, helping me to move quicker, act smarter, and remain undefeated.

As Jasper continued to give me pointers I felt Edward's presence drift towards mine, his body sitting on the other side of me, his hand instinctively finding mine, his touch forcing the shadow of an ache out of my heart as only he could. Ever since the night I had _slept_ we had been ordered by Carlisle not to be too far apart, and as the days had passed I had healed and had gained the vampire strength and senses that I had been missing.

Soon Alice had called Jasper away and Edward and I were left alone, sitting outside and watching the sunset on another day, the golden light reflecting off the leaves that were scattered around the yard, a sure sign of winter on the way.

We had been spending the past several days reconnecting. I hadn't completely forgiven him and there were times when I would feel the anger surge out and I would yell at him, particularly when he would try to make a decision for me. But those incidences were getting further apart the more we connected.

It was strange how now, after being apart and in pain for so long I couldn't fight my need for his presence. It was something instinctual and I was tired of fighting. The problem however, was that even on short hunting trips the pain would return full force, completely immobilizing me, weakening me. We were being forced to stay close to one another, but I still hadn't completely forgiven him.

"Are you all packed?" Edward asked gently, pulling me from my thoughts and I smiled over at him, nodding my head in answer.

"I finished this morning... what about you?" I asked, remembering earlier in the day when Esme had been hounding him to get it done.

"Yeah I..." he began to speak and then paused, cocking his head to the side and looking at me with concern. I focused my hearing and was surprised to hear the car that had turned onto our driveway, the steady heart beat of the driver causing my nerves to spike.

"Who is it Edward?" I whispered quietly, my body frozen stiffly where we sat. Seconds later the rest of the family was gathered around us on the porch, their gazes focused on the car that was now coming into view.

"Brinley." I breathed out her name as the car came to a stop, her face showing shock and confusion as she stared through the glass at our unnatural family gathered on the porch, staring in her direction.

Moving at a slow human pace, Carlisle and Esme broke away from the group and made their way closer to the vehicle, stopping a few feet away to give Brinley the chance to come out on her own without scaring her.

"She knows." Edward's voice was surprised and I heard Rosalie hiss from somewhere behind me as he passed on the information from her mind.

It took several more minutes of uncomfortable silence before I watched Brinley unbuckle her seat belt, reaching for the door handle.

"Take a deep breath Bella." Edward warned me and I did as I was instructed, not wanting my first test with human blood to end badly.

"Hi... I... I'm... Looking... For... Bella." Brinley was obviously frightened of us and I glanced up at Jasper pleadingly, hoping that he would work his magic and calm her down. He smiled down at me and a second later I watched as Brinley's shoulders relaxed and she appeared to be much calmer.

"I'm Doctor Carlisle Cullen and this is my wife Esme." Carlisle introduced politely, holding out his hand for her to shake. "We're Bella's foster parents."

I watched carefully as she took his hand and I stood up slowly, Edward squeezing my hand gently as we made our way over to the human standing in our yard.

"Brinley," I tried to smile naturally but I was nervous about how she would react, what we could tell her, why she was here.

"Bella?" she paused, her face registering first shock and then fear as she took in my appearance and I waited for her to say something else.

"Your eyes!" she gasped and I felt my own panic at the realization that my eyes were still a deep crimson colour.

"You're one of them? How could you?" she looked both angry and terrified and I felt myself flinch back at her words.

"I'm still myself Brin..." I said quietly, using the last of my air. When I took in another breath I was caught up momentarily in the burn that flared up in my throat, the thirst that I knew would be there but wasn't totally prepared for. I swallowed back the venom and took a step back from her, trying to keep my mind focused on the fact that she was a friend, not food.

"Are you alright Bella?" Edward whispered quietly beside me and I nodded meekly, still struggling to control myself.

"But Bella you're a... you're one of them..." her voice was getting higher the more panicked she became and I felt another wave of calm come our way.

"Can you say it Brinley, say what I am?" I asked her calmly, wanting to make sure that she really did know what we were before I said anything else.

"You're a vampire." she whispered so quietly that I wouldn't have heard her if not for my increased senses.

"How do you know Brin?" I asked looking her in the eye, trying to understand how my best friend from Phoenix could possibly understand what I was, could know just by looking at us.

"They... they killed my sister... my mother..." she stuttered and I looked at her in shock, no wonder she was terrified.

"I'm so sorry Brinley." my heart ached at the sadness in her face and I wanted so badly to be able to go to her and hug her but I knew that I couldn't, both for her safety and because of her fear.

"I promise Brin, we aren't going to hurt you." I felt that I needed to reassure her of that as she stood there awkwardly, processing the fact that I was now the very thing that had killed her family.

"Edward, I think I need to hunt." I whispered in a low voice, feeling my control beginning to slip, the more I breathed in the air around me, the venom pooled in my mouth, forcing me to swallow convulsively.

"Brinley, I know that this must be uncomfortable for you but would you mind joining us inside, we have some questions that we'd like to ask you and I'm sure you have some for us." Brinley looked to me almost immediately when she heard their offer, her face still showing her fear.

"Brin, they won't hurt you. I promise. I have something that I have to do and then I'll be back and we can talk... k?" I asked and felt my throat flare up with the next breath, Edward's hand tightening it's grip on me as I fought against my primal instincts.

"Let's go Bella." he said a minute later after Brinley had nervously followed Esme and Carlisle inside, Jasper coming out to join Edward and I.

"Did you see the vampires that killed her family Edward?" Jasper asked as I hunted a deer just inside the woods, not wanting to take too long satisfying my thirst.

"There were two of them but I didn't recognize them. They just walked right in and picked up the mother and sister, killing them in front of her, when she tried to run, they threw her into a wall and she lost consciousness. When she woke up they were gone as were the bodies of her family.

"Something doesn't seem right about it though." Edward sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. I was on my second deer and I finally felt fully in control again, ready to return to the house to see my friend.

"What do we do about Brinley? We're still leaving in the morning right?" I asked both Edward and Jasper as we made our way back to the house, neither of them offering me an answer.

When we returned I scaled the back of the house, climbing in through the window to my room and changing my shirt before making my way back downstairs to where the others were all gathered in the living room. Carlisle was in the middle of explaining our way of life to her while she sat stiffly in a chair, her hands folded tightly in her lap.

"I'm not sure what to do now... I mean... I came back... I came back for Bella, but she's obviously okay... she's attached to him." I saw Edward's face shift out of the corner of my eye and looked between them, knowing that Edward had seen or heard something in her mind.

"How do you see that?" Edward asked and I saw the shock cross her face as he spoke.

"I can read minds... now can you explain what that was?" Edward's temper was slightly short and I shot him a look that told him to calm down.

"I... I don't know. I see it sometimes when people are together, in relationships. It's like something binding people together... you and Bella have the strongest bond I've ever seen though." she said quietly, shifting her eyes to the floor.

"What does this bond look like? Can you see bonds surrounding anyone else?" Carlisle's interest was suddenly piqued and I sat back in my chair, wondering what was going on. Why was my once friend here, why did she know about vampires and why could she see these _bonds?_

"Yes, you all are bonded weakly together, you can visualize it like thin strands of hair going between each of you, some thicker than others. The couples in the room are bound together differently. Picture it like an elastic band stretching around the couple. It can stretch and you can do your own things but you'll eventually get pulled back together. Edward and Bella are different as well. You know those rubber bands that come on broccoli in the grocery stores? They are much thicker and not as stretchy? Well it's like there are a number of those bands surrounding Bella and Edward." she explained and I kept my eyes trained on Carlisle, wondering if this was truth, if this was really a possible explanation as to why Edward and I couldn't seem to be physically apart.

"She's telling the truth," both Edward and Jasper spoke at once in low voices that only we could hear, but the room remained trained on Carlisle, waiting for him to speak again.

"How long have you been able to see these relationships?" he asked after a thoughtful moment.

"As long as I can remember, but I see more of them now that I'm older. Bella, remember the first time we met Phil? Your mom had him at the house and she introduced him as just a friend..." she paused and I thought back through the murky memories, "remember when I told you that day that they would be together and you laughed it off, thinking it was just another fling." she prompted and the memory flooded my mind, the realization hitting me.

"What do you want to do Brin? Do you want to come with us?" I blurted out my question without discussing it first with the rest of the family, but I couldn't just abandon her, not after everything that she had been through.

"I don't know... but no... I'd rather not come with you. No offense intended... I just..." her lip quivered and she brushed away a tear roughly with the back of her hand.

"Go to New York, go back to school." Alice spoke up and we all looked at her curiously, wondering what she had seen that would cause her to say that.

"I promise, everything will work out if you go to New York." Alice spoke softer and I looked at Edward who only smiled down at me.

That night Brinley slept in one of the spare rooms of the Cullen house while most of us went hunting, preparing to leave Forks ourselves the following day. Even though I had hunted earlier in the day I had found that I needed to again hunt after spending the evening in the house which was now filled with the scent of my friend's blood so Edward came with me and walked silently behind me.

"Bella, can we talk?" he asked after I was fully satisfied and we had walked a little way away, sitting down at the side of the river, staring up at the sky.

"Sure." I replied, worried by his serious tone of voice.

"What Brinley described... I saw it in her mind... I know she was being truthful." he began and I looked at him cautiously, wondering why he was telling me this.

"So I understand now... I know that physically we are bound together. But I also know that you are still angry at me for my actions, for the pain that I caused you and I want you to know how sorry I am. I was foolish during my time away. I could feel the pain, I could feel the elastic tearing, ripping my soul in two just as you did. But I did nothing about it, convincing myself that a human wouldn't be experiencing the same thing. But I was wrong Bella and I want you to know that with or without whatever physical bond we have... it's so much deeper... your soul is mine, and mine yours. We are connected deeper than I ever thought was possible... and I want that... I want to be this connected to you." I was staring at him as he finished, taking my hand in his and feeling the strength of whatever it was that joined us flow between our bodies.

"You're right Edward, I am still angry." I began and saw his face drop at my words.

"But I'm working through my anger, and I'm trying to move on. You hurt me when you left Edward, when you didn't trust me, when you made a huge decision for me. I've always known that we were connected in a way and I think hearing what Brinley sees really helped both of us understand a little better. You're right, we are bonded in a way that goes so much deeper than anything I've even experience... I think we are stuck together and while it isn't necessarily a bad thing... I also will need time to trust you again, for us to redefine our relationship." Edward relaxed when I spoke and nodded his head, accepting what I was telling him that I needed.

We sat at the edge of the river in silence for a while after our conversation and I felt more myself than I had since the change, my body and mind accepting of this strange connection that Edward and I shared.

"Do you think Brin will be okay?" I asked worriedly just before dawn as I thought about heading back to the main house.

"Alice sees her being very successful if she goes to New York... she meets someone and is able to let the past go." he said and I felt myself sigh, hoping that Alice's vision came through for her.

"Will she say anything... about us?" I asked at the thought that we might still be in danger if she decided to share with the world what she knew, what she had seen.

"No. She understands why she needs to keep our existence a secret." Edward assured me and we both stood up, wiping down our clothes roughly before turning and heading back towards the house.

By the time that we had returned to the house, the rest of the family had already arrived and were busy packing up the remaining items that were to be taken with us on our move, spreading dust cloths over the furniture and loading up vehicles. Brinley was sitting on a stool in the kitchen waiting for me and after a brief conversation about where she was going and an exchange of phone numbers she left and I waved sadly to the only real human friend I had ever had.

"Are you ready Bella?" Edward whispered in my ear an hour later and I looked around the yard one last time, taking in every detail of the place where this life had begun for me, remembering the day that I had first come here, first met my family.

"I'm ready," I said quietly moving to the front seat of his car, silently saying goodbye, praying that with this move, that things would finally settle down in my life, that I could eventually get my happily ever after.

**A/N: I know, it's been a LONG time since I last updated and I hope that you all enjoyed this one. Brinley was always important to this story which is why she was there in the beginning and then disappeared for a while. This story is also starting to wind down as I have decided that I am going to end it soon. There are still a few more things that need to be worked out though before that can happen. **

**Also if you like my stories, feel free find my page on FaceBook under Pink FanFic!**


	24. Only the Beginning

*** All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.**

*** Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, some smut.**

"_**I'm ready," I said quietly moving to the front seat of his car, silently saying goodbye, praying that with this move, that things would finally settle down in my life, that I could eventually get my happily ever after. **_

I had initially thought that I might be sad to leave Forks, leave the place that had become to be my home. But as we quickly wound down the drive and out to the highway I felt only a sense of relief, of closure.

The drive North to Canada and then across the prairie provinces was slow and boring but Edward and I used our time together wisely. We talked about the past, present and future. The places we had made mistakes and the current state of our relationship. We also set some guidelines for what it would be like in the future, me wanting to be clear with him that I was not to be controlled or dictated. We both agreed and the farther East we traveled the more at peace I felt.

The rest of the family had decided to drive slightly quicker than us to give us privacy during this journey arrived at our new home in Northern Ontario a full day before Edward and I would.

"Bella, Love?" he pulled me from my thoughts and I turned to look at him, as he reached across the console and grabbed my hand.

"Hmmm?" I questioned and smiled brightly at the electricity that continually ran through us whenever we touched, it was something that I would never tire of, especially now that I new what it felt like to live without it, without him.

"I just wanted you to know that you are the most amazing person I've ever met." The sincerity on his face as he spoke the words warmed my heart and I found that I slightly missed the blush that would have accompanied the compliment, had I still been human.

"I still love you Edward." It was the first time I had said the words in love and friendship and not animosity and frustration since he had come back and the surprise on his face told me that he noticed as well.

"I'll always love you Bella, and I swear that I will prove it to you even if it takes the rest of eternity to do so." he vowed and I couldn't resist pulling our joined hands up and to my lips, placing a soft kiss on his knuckles. Deep inside me I knew, I knew that he had made a mistake, but I was willing – no I wanted to forgive, to find peace with him.

The rest of the drive went by much quicker and I felt restored as we pulled up the long driveway to the house that was in the middle of nowhere.

"It's about time you two got here! Was Edward driving like a little old woman again?" he grabbed me up into a hug and I laughed as Edward growled at his brother playfully.

"Come on Bella, let me show you the house." Rosalie grabbed my hand and we met Alice halfway up he steps of the massive building that we would now be calling home. Rosalie and I had come a long way during the time of Edward's absence and when she had bitten me, when her venom began to flow through my veins as my creator, something had bound us together and she was now my sister as much as Alice was.

Alice and Rosalie pulled me through the house which had already been cleaned and set up with the things that we had brought from Forks and as they showed me around I understood why they had chosen to come here for our next home. Aside from the obvious fact that it was further away from humans for my newborn years, the house was massive and fitted the situations perfectly, divided into four wings off the central living space, each couple had their space. Carlisle and Esme's consisted of Carlisle's study, Esme's own smaller office and their bedroom. Alice and Jasper's was similarly set up, Jasper's library, followed by Alice's '_craft' _room, and then their bedroom. Emmett's and Rosalie's was a little more fun, their bedroom taking up most of the wing with a small games room where Emmett's electronics and pool table were already set up.

Lastly there was mine and Edward's space which had been left mostly untouched, the way that Edward had last used it. There were again three rooms in this wing, the first being a music room which now held his piano from Forks as well as a soft leather couch and a variety of other musical instruments that I had no idea whether or not he could play. The next room was Edward's space, a windowless room with his stereo equipment and music completely covering one wall, another adorned with enormous book-shelves, lined with books. In the middle of the room was an antique desk still full of writing supplies, a large chair and two smaller chairs in front of it. A smaller leather couch was pressed against a final section of wall and in a way it reminded me of his room in Forks. When I got to the last room in the wing I was surprised to see that it wasn't really Edward's room at all but Esme had decorated it for me, placing my bed and other things from the Forks house in it for me. When I questioned her about this she explained that Edward had never used this room previously and he had wanted me to have a space to call my own.

When the tour was finally finished I wandered around for a bit, looking at the pictures that adorned one wall in the living room, older pictures of the family from before I had known them scattered about. I had been wrong when they had told me where we were going initially. For some reason I had pictured this as their hide-away, their place to be secluded from people, from life. I had pictured a tiny log home and a simplicity. But this was anything but.

This house wasn't a hideaway. In fact it was the opposite. Yes they were secluded from people but unlike in Forks there was a freedom here. Like it was a home that could truly reflect each person, not just their facades. Where pictures of the family could exist from throughout the decades, where my brothers and sisters, and mother and father and mate all felt free from the confines of their act.

Smiling I began to feel the pull of Edward moving out of our range and followed it outside to where he was walking with Carlisle around the perimeter of the property.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." I whispered when their talking ceased upon sensing me and a moment later Edward was by my side.

"Don't apologize Bella." Edward grabbed my hand and brought me back to where he had left Carlisle. "We were just experimenting, to see how far I could go from you before it felt painful." he explained and I sighed, thinking that I ruined their experiment.

"Don't Bella," Edward said, "I was already starting to feel a pull back to you, a shadow of an ache in my heart at being even this far." he admitted with a slightly worried expression.

"I was feeling it as well, that's why I came out." I said and Carlisle smiled.

Carlisle began running tests on us both later on that day, attempting to measure out the physical distance that we could be apart from one another before the pain became to much to bare. He used various factors to influence it, including the use of Jasper's gift and the distraction of blood in the area, but the answer was always the same and to be more than a hundred yards or so from each other always ended with one or both of us in excruciating pain.

Over the days and weeks that followed our move Edward and I began to heal further than we had been able to in Forks. He followed through on his promises to me and we were rarely apart, always honest and never controlling of the other. Instinctively our bodies knew that we were made for each other and as a result of our physical bond we were rarely parted aside from Carlisle's occasional experiment. But my mind took a lot longer to heal, often warring with myself when a memory would pop into my mind, a certain phrase or look causing a form of vampire flashback to nearly cause me to collapse. Edward's face would be pained when he would realize what had happened, that even now he was still hurting me through the memories of him leaving, of the pain it had caused.

Six months into our stay in Ontario Edward and I became intimate again, taking things slowly and allowing me to feel as though it truly was our first time and in a way, it was. This Edward was a completely different person from the one I had met as a broken teenager, this was the man that I loved and that had both saved me and put me through hell. This was a relationship that we had been forced to fight for before we could truly understand and enjoy it.

I had thought back when I was with Charlie that I had to survive that I had to somehow get out of his house – to save myself. But it wasn't me that had done this. It was us, a family. All of us working to understand this strange relationship that had been founded between Edward and I. Vampires like Rosalie challenging their primal beliefs to change me when I was nearly dead, for Esme and Carlisle to raise a daughter when biologically it was impossible, for Edward to accept me as his mate when he had long ago given up on ever finding one – let alone a human one – had really been what saved me. It was all of them. My mother. My father. My sisters. My brothers. My Edward. And a small part of it myself for never giving up on him fully.

It had taken time and patience, smiles and tears. And while the human chapter of my life had ended, this was truly only the beginning.

**A/N: So this is it, the end of Saving Myself. Originally I had a few more things that I wanted to do with this and some ends that I wanted to tie up. I decided however to take out the parts that I had written because they get a little confusing and branch out a little again instead of closing things up like I wanted. So I took some parts and finished this story, deciding instead to begin a sequel to this because Edward and Bella do go through so much more that I had written. So I'm a few chapters into the sequel now but I probably won't post it until a few more of my stories are completed. So, I hope you've enjoyed this story, and if you didn't – well I'm sorry for that. Thank you for any and all kind reviews! **


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